Is it over for my husband and his mistress?

Question

My husband has been having an affair for over a year. He has gone back and forth between us and I have chosen to forgive him.

He told me that he ended things with her in March. I acquired the password to his email and found letters from her from March until the present. It talked about how they had been meeting behind my back, marriage and our divorce. And she planned on moving closer when her lease is up.

I called the other woman and tried to convince her that he was going to end things with her. She says she loves him and wont back down.

My husband confessed, so I tried to end things with him and told him to sign the papers. He refuses to sign and has asked to come back home.

He hasn't contacted the other woman to tell her things are over. He was with her last week, left her and came home. He says he doesn't love her. He says he wants to avoid a fight with her and doesn't want her to cry and beg him to stay with her. Is it over for the two of them?

Answer 1

I'm very surprised that you'd take this as long as you have. The thing you have to remember and live with for the rest of your days with him is 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and 'Will this happen again?' Something else that should come to mind is 'If he doesn't love her, then why is he constantly shifting back and forth between us? Why did he lie to me again?' I believe your husband to be a coward, for if he truly loved you as much as he says, wouldn't he haven't cheated to begin with? And if so, he wouldn't be afraid or hesitant to tell the other woman to back off, leave him alone, and move on. Why care for what she feels, when your own emotions should be valued more? He is not good for you, and you deserve so much better than that. And why should it be up to you to call his mistress to tell her 'it's over.' ? I seriously believe you should divorce him. Move out, call your friends, family, whoever you trust to live with, and make the point clear that you do not want to deal with his cheating rear anymore, and get him to sign those papers. Put your foot down and stand up for yourself in this situation, because I fully believe that he will do this again, and he will eventually go back to her, and then, you'll be going through this again. He won't help to make things better. Instead, he'd make things worse. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm very sorry, but no, it's not over. He is still sneaking behind your back and she has let you know in no uncertain terms that she's here to stay. If he were going to leave her, he would have done so.

He is enjoying the fact that he has two women competing over him and is going to stretch it out as long as he can. If his only excuse for not contacting her to tell her it's over is he wants to "avoid a fight and doesn't want her to cry", then he's an even bigger loser than he already appears to be. He certainly doesn't seem to have any problem with you crying or being hurt.

No he cannot come back home. Change the locks and do it immediately. Go to your lawyer and find out what you can do to end this. Can you sue him for divorce based on adultery? You may be awarded a divorce without his consent. (Also be sure to print off those e-mails and save any voice mails.)

I know this is incredibly difficult, but you have suffered enough. You do not deserve to put up with this for one more minute. Seek counseling for yourself and move on. You are worth so much more. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 3

Not until he becomes a man and does the right thing. Right now he is a slimeball, and you are being walked all over by him. Unless he tells this woman he wants nothing further to do with her, no emails (he must change his email and give you his password), phone calls, meetings, letters - anything at all, until he has the backbone to tell this woman to leave him alone, he will not leave her. You are giving him permission to continue this behavior. He should come back to you on his knees begging you to forgive him, and to call this woman in front of you while he tells her he will have no further contact. Unless he does this, you are setting yourself up for further abuse. Have respect for yourself and don't let him do this to you. If you show him that you respect yourself and will not let him treat you like a doormat, he will learn to respect you also. If not, he's not the man you thought him to be.

Answer 4

Why should he call it off with her? You're not doing anything one way or the other. He's doing what he pleases and will continue. Stop being a doormat and throw him out. He doesn't have to sign divorce papers for you to get a divorce. Send all his crap that you want him to have to the other woman and wish them both the best of luck. Wake up dear. Have a cup of coffee and a good cry and get over him. He's obviously over you AND the marriage for him to be doing this without any regard for your feelings. No respect. He should be more worried about YOU crying over this than that tramp he's bedding down with. And, why would you talk to her and tell her anything at all except that she could have him. They deserve each other. I bet it wouldn't last long if she had him all the time. But, he's got the best of both. It's your turn now.

Answer 5

I admire your persistence, but really think that your relationship with your husband is over. He has used you for what he wants, then is bouncing between the two of you women like he is tied to elastic, you deserve better than that. It is called having your cake and eating it, by the sounds of it he has had far too much cake! Give him an ultimatum, tell him he HAS to tell the mistress it is over, regardless of her reaction, if he refuses he does not love you enough. You have had the patience of a saint, but now you are becoming a martyr, stop letting him decide your life and take control of it yourself. A strong, confident and self sufficient woman is a very attractive prospect, and I doubt you would have to wait long for some decent men to court you. Make your own life and let him rot in his misery.

Answer 6

OH wow this question became 7 years in the past. wager you would possibly want to be optimal a contented existence now. right here i'm merely wanna provide my oppinion. truly if i have been to placed 3 of them in a purple carpet contained in the first public, who will be renowned and who will has the urge to bypass hiding? by all mean if this guy is able to marry the mistress at different usa, it gained't make each human being settle for them as husband and spouse. human beings will nevertheless renowned the first spouse the official ones. besides any lady that keen to sacrifice herself to be a mistress will lost maximum of her own kin and own flesh households and thats the very reality. attempt to connect to them usually? Nah it is going to not in any respect artwork.

Answer 7

it will never be over with them two, he will always go back to her. if he is really done and over with her make him call her and tell her right in front of you, be on the phone with him and her at the same time and make sure he says it is over.if he doesnt want to do that then he is lying about really leaving her.make sure he changes his email and/or block her address,so he wont get any more emails from her, keep checking his email and phone records, if you have to follow him and make sure he isnt seeing her after work or at lunch.

honestly i think it is over and you are dumb to let him walk all over you like this. he will continue to see her and is using you until she can move closer to him. maybe there is more that he is not telling you, maybe she is pregnate and/ or have his kid. thats why he cant get away from her.you should forget about this loser and stop giving him the choice whether he wants her or you. why should he decide who he wants and when he comes back home. he needs to go with her so you can move on and live your life with someone that loves you and only you, you dont need to share your guy with anyone, he broke his vow, he stepped out in the relationship. he cheated on you for over a year and you are acting like he it is ok and we worked it out. no, dont let him think he can walk all over you. be a strong woman and stand up to him.

Answer 8

What should be YOUR more pressing question is:

did the door hit him on his way OUT?

honey, kick him to the curb. This is not a dude that you can trust or that is treating you in a way that you deserve. Why on earth would you allow this to continue to happen to you?

He doesn't need to "sign papers" for you to divorce his butt. We're in a no fault system.

I highly doubt he's over her if he can't even tell her that it's over. I think you're being taken for a ride. And why not? You seem to accept the poor way in which he treats you. He's PROVEN that a) he's a cheater and b) he's a liar.

Move on.

Answer 9

In a word - NO. He doesn't want to give up either of you. Tell him he has to decide right now. If he is seriously done with her, why is he so concerned about her reactions when he tells her. And the track record of most cheaters is not good. If not with her, with someone else. And can you really trust him again? You could try marriage therapy, but it sounds to me, like he isn't going to change. Best of luck with what ever you decide.

Answer 10

I would dump him so fast , he wouldn't know his toes from his head. This person will do this to you again , and again and again. After this girl gets old he will have a new one. Then one day when he gets tired of you he will findly dump you. You hurt now ? This pain will just get harder and harder ad time goes on. You will hurt more and more. While this is going on you are getting older and older. There are lots nicer people in this world then this. Why do you want to let him to keep hurting you. Say good by to him and tell him good luck with hid life because he is going to need it. Then I would never see or talk to him again.