2006-07-18 17:44:50 · 7 answers · asked by itlnstln6 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
a one armed guy orders a voice activated bionic arm through the mail. It comes, he puts it on an goes to the bar, orders a beer and says, "bionic arm, open my beer" the arm opens the beer and the man is impressed. after a few hours of drinking and testing the arm he has to take a leak. He stands in front of the urinal and says, "bionic arm, pull my weiner out." the arm unzipps his pants and pulls it out. when he's done peeing, he says, "shake it off." the arm shakes it. oooooh he thinks, that kinda feels good. "bionic arm, jerk it off!" the arm rips of his weiner, the guy screams "ahhhh $#it, f*&K me!" the arm takes his dong and shoves it in his A$$. the guy at the urinal next to him says "holy crap would you look at that!!" the arm takes the dong and shoves it in his eye!
2006-07-18 18:03:15 · answer #1 · answered by jim morrison is my idol 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
This is a good Aussie one!
Telephone conversation goes;
"Hello, is this the police?
"Yes it is. How can we help you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Wazza. He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call."
The next day, police officers descend on Wazza's house in great numbers. They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but they find no cocaine. They swear at Wazza and leave.
The phone rings at Wazza's house."Hey, Wazz. Did the cops come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop up your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday", maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!!
2006-07-19 00:50:05 · answer #2 · answered by Dasher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok here is 1
A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
HAHAHHAAA HILARIOUS
2006-07-19 00:47:53 · answer #3 · answered by KryssyBeyondBeauty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there was a blonde a brunet and a red head the cops were chasing them SO they hid in these barrels on the Siad of the road the brunet hides in a barrel of puppy's the cop knocks on it she say woof woof the red head is hiding in a barrel of kittens the cop knocks on it she says meow meow and of course the blonde was hiding in a barrel of potato's the cop knocks on it and the blond says potato potato
2006-07-19 01:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by pinkkat_24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old people jokes
1. There is a time in every mans life when he goes from a man to a Gesier...
2.
Kid: Let's go!
my dad: What
Kid: LET'S GO!
Dad: What?
Kid: (sigh) you know...well how can I put this in old person terms...it's like..."On Gard"
(get it? like with a sword!!!)
2006-07-19 00:52:02 · answer #5 · answered by Teen Talking2teens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two blondes walk into a bar......the brunette ducks.
2006-07-19 00:47:32 · answer #6 · answered by WildMtHoney65 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that ME was one of my names
2006-07-19 00:52:49 · answer #7 · answered by ooooooooo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋