Do you believe that along with great love comes great hate?

Question

I am refering to relationships. I feel the more I love someone the greater the anger (hate) I have towards them when they betray me, use me, just generally s*** on me. My partner feels like I'm crazy for wishing he'd die at times. I don't really want him too, but I get so angry and hurt when he acts like I'm lower than a piece of dirt. I need to feel like my love isn't one sided. ( we've been together 11 years)

Answer 1

I don't believe that love has an opposite. Either you love someone unconditionally, or you don't. Love and hatred cannot coexist. It is impossible.

The phenomenon you're talking about is not uncommon, though. People who believe that they love someone oftentimes feel hatred toward that very same person they think they love. This is because they do get hurt, and they do feel like they are being treated like dirt--and so they feel indignant, enraged, betrayed, and all of that stuff you are describing.

But it's not because they love the person unconditionally. Unconditional love is not dependent upon what the other person does. It is freely given no matter what the other person does.

It is impossible to love unconditionally if you have an expectation for the other person. If I love you *but* I expect you to act a certain way, I am tagging a condition onto my love--therefore making it not love but something else.

That said, it is impossible to love and to consent to be treated like dirt. Going back to someone again and again who treats you like dirt means that you have a problem with self-respect and self-love. You are asking the other person to give you what you will not give yourself: respect, consideration, care, fairness. If you were capable of giving yourself respect, care, and whatnot, you would neither seek it explicitly from other people nor permit anything less than respectful, caring treatment from the other person.

This is just the way things are. We seek in others what we do not have to give, and when they do not provide it, we become enraged. We really shouldn't be surprised, though: If we don't respect ourselves enough to protect ourselves, how can we expect others to respect us? We are giving out the "vibe" that we will allow and permit deplorable treatment...and so we end up getting what we are willing to allow.

This is hard stuff to swallow, in a way. But you will find that the less you are willing to accept poor treatment, the less others will treat you poorly.

Answer 2

When you go to bed with anger at night. Without clearing up daily issues. The hate builds. You have to clean the slate every night before you go to bed. The longer the hate sit in you. The harder it is to get rid of. But if after a while I you are still not happy. You both need relationship counseling or if you are not married. Then I would find someone that makes you happy for you. If you have to be someone else in a relationship. That not the right relationship to be in.

Answer 3

That is so not true. My husband and I have been married for two years and we have never even had a fight because we choose to talk things out and be reasonable. I certainly have never wanted him to die. Besides, if he betrays you, then it isn't a very good relationship to begin with. Don't hate him, just find somebody you can love all the time!

Answer 4

In a way u make sense, because when u truly love a person, what ever that person does or say to u hurts more. Compared to some one that u don't care for. But u should sit down and tell him how u feel. Because there is no point in staying with any longer if he doesn't treat u right....

Answer 5

Of course!!! There is a very thin line between love and hate. My ex-husband was the love of my life. He was the air I breathed, the beat of my heart, the only reason why I wanted to live......... that was before I tried to get him killed...........LOL

I'm all better now though.... Seriously, our relationship turned into a very abusive one and the love I had for him did turn to hate. However I found God in my life and I was able to forgive him for all that he had done to me. I no longer hate him but I'm sure not in love with him either

Answer 6

Letting yourself waste effort on hate instead of standing up for what you want is a big waste of time.His being able to treat yo like dirt is as much your fault as his. If You do not stand up for yourself why should he respect you?? Respect is something you earn and do not just fall into. Giving yourself to a guy does not always get him to worship you. When he pisses you off decide what punishment he needs to endure before you will get cozy with him again. Make him Pay penalties and set limits to what you will tolerate. Period.

Answer 7

i relate to your feelings only because i was once their .i was married for 11 years out of the 11 years i put more into the relationship then recieved.we can only be s&^t upon if we allow this to happen.Find out why you allow this to happen and rise above the situation.Change your world and don't allow nobody But God to change you.not all men are ****(&^S just some. Good luck & God Bless

Answer 8

Yes, I agree. There are days when I wish my bf would just fall off the face of the earth! Then a few days later, I cant imagine life without him.

Answer 9

Yes

Love and hate are very close - you can most easily hate the ones closest to you

The opposite of love is indifference

Answer 10

there is no longer only one man or woman you're meant to love and that is it. i imagine its accurate that you completely commit and stay unswerving to at least one man or woman (at a time!) in case you adore someone and they die, there is no reason you won't be able to satisfy some different person and love them only as a lot.