Whats the funniest/most retarded thing you've ever said to anyone?

Question

whether you were shy, tired, angry, irritated, or intimidated?

Answer 1

one time when i was on the bus we pulled up to let this older boy off and i noticed that his mailbox was open and there was mail in it....well i wanted to tell him before he got off so i just yelled ' you need to put your thing up before all your stuff falls out!' i was so embarrassed!

Answer 2

I asked a lady (who was apparently just overweight...I soon found out much to my embarrassment) how far along she was and when she was due... once you make this mistake you never do it again or you find a way to ask the question differently just in case they are not prego. It was a major OOPS on my part and
I felt so bad....even when a woman looks 100% without a doubt
pregnant I am still a little timid to ask when she is due...just in
case!!!!!

Answer 3

After being pulled over in my Mustang for going 80mph. on a 65mph highway, I had quickly put my radar detector down in the floorboard. When the officer walked up and saw it he pointed toward it saying"Whats that?" I said "Whats what?" He said"That on your floorboard" I said " Thats a radar detector"He said"Why is it in your floorboard?" Cowering down I said"Cuz i didnt know if it was illegal or not" He said"only in commercial vehicles" Then like a dummy i said,"Is this a commercial vehicle?" He let me go with a warning and a laugh.

Answer 4

I admit, these are not original. (I took it off ebaum website). But funny, nonetheless. Enjoy, if u haven't heard them:

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a bl*w job?" I Turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts . As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny. So, of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, " Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don't have a change of clothes for him." Then I said, "Danny are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "NO," he replied. I just KNEW he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM,IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story.. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Answer 5

When someone says something I dont understand (like a doctor talking in medical terms or a lawyer speaking legalese) I say "the illegal procedure of the naturalization process therfore concurrs the formation of cumulo nimbus clouds" really fast. When they say what? I say "Exactly"

Answer 6

F*** God

I had this annoying christian trying to convert me, and I just turned around and yelled it. I had to work with this guy.

He took his bloodshot eyes and stepped back as if I was going to get struck by lightning or something.

He needed a belief to help him kick alcohol (bloodshot eyes)

He never bothered me again, and the last time I saw him he smelled like brewery.

Answer 7

We were at walmart and our check out girl was really "not pretty" and overweight. My boyfriend was buying a fishing pole and it was called an ugly stick. She asked why it's called an ugly stick and he said well you should know, it looks like you've been hit with it a couple times. I was mortified!

Answer 8

When I was in the Philippines and was used to speaking Tagalog I saw an American and wanted to say hello. So I said "What's up Goin" which was "What's up" and "How's it going" mashed into a unintelligible phrase.

Answer 9

a couple days ago i was at walmart with a friend and told them to stop making fun of the walmart employees after 5 sec i explained that i pretty much was calling her a retard

Answer 10

I'm a huge Counting Crows fan. I was so excited when I saw Adam Duritz just walking around a concert, I walked up and said "Hey Adam, thanks for the music." I felt so retarded.

Answer 11

That is easy, the most retarded thing is
"I Like you"

The funniest is

"Sorry..that was a long silent fart....*sniff...do u smell that?"