I am BiRacial & hate my color. I have always had this problem and its driving me crazy...?

Question

I spend so much time obessing about my color and spend so much money on bleaching creams, etc. I'm so frustrated.

I cant talk to my mom, because she is dark and wont understand. She'll just say something like "Black is Beautiful" lol. She wont be much help. Although, I think she already knows I feel about my color from the comments I make.

I am constantly worrying about this and even HIDE from the sun for fear of getting darker. I am also only attracted to men lighter than me because Im afraid that if I dont, my kids may have the same issues and hate themselves too.

Im 21 by the way. What should I do to?

Answer 1

It is completely normal to have a particular trait about ourselves that drive us crazy. The important thing in life is learning to cope with this difference and accept yourself for who you are, otherwise, will you really be happy in life? NO! You will always be concerned with the issue, and it will always be lurking in the back of your mind.

Honestly, If you were whiter than you are, then you would want to be darker. If you were black, you might want to be white (in cases of prejudicial behavior). You will never be satisfied.

As far as limiting your attractions to white men. Don't. There may be another out there that is your soul mate, and you shouldn't risk the chance of not finding that person because you out up barriers.

Also, I think it is very honorable of you to think of your unborn children. Kids do struggle with their identities because they feel they dont fit in the black and white category. But we dont live in a black and white world, more like different shades of gray and such. You can't control the future. So, worry about that later. You will be there for your children's support when they need you. Thats the important thing.

It is easy for someone like me (who is a red head and doesnt tan) to say "You are crazy! Enjoy this!" But I won't do that to you. Just become comfortable with yourself, or you will never truly reach happiness. Maybe start emphasizing your other strong points, which may cause these worries to fade. For example, if you have and infectious smile, smile more often, gloss your lips, etc. If you have nice hair, fix it daily. Nice curves, where more flattering attire. Work out, do other things that you enjoy. Just do things that make you feel better about yourself as a whole. Little by little, your confidence will gain momentum, and you will love your color.

I hope this helps..

Answer 2

I'm not a psychologist so what I say is not from an educated point of view. I empathize with you though. I don't doubt the difficulty it must be to be a bi-racial women or man in society today. But I am sure I have no doubt that you truly are a beautiful women. But that's not much when you , yourself feel otherwise.

I'm sure everyone is going to tell you to not bother w/ bleaching creams and to be carefree in the sun. But you are 21, therefore the decisions you make you will do it at free will.

It's hard no matter what just being 21, and a young lady and trying to survive and "find yourself" which sounds like you're doing but you are also self loathing something about yourself that you will never be able to change. You are bi-racial and that is wonderful. Soon, I think you will come to terms with this, it takes time and suffering.

It's really all about excepting that mixed races are a race of their own and that's what you are. You are beautiful black and beautiful white and I like it!

Answer 3

It sounds like you have some real problems with the way you see yourself and your skin tone. Your skin might not even be the real issue, just something on the surface that's easy to see, that might represent some real deep feelings that you have about being mixed. I would maybe find a counselor to talk to about your issues. It seems as though you feel that they are somewhat problematic. Maybe a counselor/psychologist could help you get to the bottom of what really bothers you and why you want to try to get rid of dark skin in yourself and your future children. I'm sure that the people who look at you don't see anything at all wrong with your skin color, but if you do then there is a risk that your fixation could have big negative impacts in your life and in the lives of those around you. Here's a question to ask yourself: if you gave birth to twins, one with very dark skin and one with very light skin, do you think that you would favor one over the other?

Answer 4

Oh sweetie, I wish you could really see yourself. I'll bet you are not ugly. Do you know how many women and men spend hundreds on tanning salons, and tanning creams to get darker?
Embrace your skin color. I hated the fact that I was so pale when all of my friends had beautiful dark skin. Then I realized that I am what I am.
Do stay out of the sun though (to a reasonable extent) because if you don't, you could get wrinkles early.
The grass is always greener on the other side :)

Answer 5

You're simply going to have to accept the fact you're a product of a bi-racial ?marriage? Adults do not tend to think about the consequences that may effect the lives of their children in cases like yours. There is no guarantee, that if you marry a lighter man, that your children still won't turn out darker than what you would hope for. I'm sorry you feel the way you do about yourself. Maybe you can start a support group and or an advocate group that addresses the concerns you have to enlighten other adults. That way they could be better prepared in their decision on whether or not to have children.

Answer 6

It probably won't help if I tell you that 20 years from now, when you see a photo of yourself, you will think: "Wow! I was really pretty! And I didn't realize it then. I thought I was so ugly." And you will regret all of the time you wasted worrying about your complexion instead of grabbing the pleasures of life and enjoying the heck out of them.

It may also not help if I tell you that your mom not only DOES understand, but that she is rock-solid right when she says something like "black is beautiful."

The fact is, dear Mixed Beauty, it is YOU who does not understand. You are choosing to squander precious moments of your life fretting about something over which you have no control.

Answer 7

Accept and love yourself for what you are,............. colour isn't important compared to the person within. I have very fair skin which makes more supsible to skin cancer(I live in Australia) so look to the benefits of having darker skin. What you may have done is let people make you down about yourself and you skin. So why don't you look to sucessful people with dark skin and use them as role models and if you need some examples I will list just a few:
Nelson Mandela, Morgan Freeman,
for beauty
Halle Berry, Naomi Campbell

and there are many more, so learn to love yourself and who you are

Answer 8

You should find YOU. Like India Arie says this skin is not you, you are the soul within. My husband is biracial and he said it was the hardest thing for him because both races treated him as an outsider. He learned to appreciate the unique position being of both races puts him in. It gives you as many, if not more, advantages as it does disadvantages. Focus on your talents and creativity and forget your skin color. It is not important in the long run. You will have to deal with some hurdles and obstacles because of it, but if you know yourself and are confident in yourself, those obstacles will be easier to overcome. Good Luck

Answer 9

Look, there are white women out there going to tanning beds just to get brown (darker).
There are white women who can not go to the sun because they get red instead of brown.
There is nothing wrong about being darker...it is even sexier.
You can't change your color that is a fact....only if you ask Michael Jackson how he did it but that is going to cost you millions and it is stupid.
You should start liking it...maybe you should go to a dermatologist to tell you what is the best way for you to go to the sun...etc.

Answer 10

It all starts with self acceptance. Rember Variety is the SPICE of life.
In the whole world there is no one like you. Be proud of who you are! You are concerned about your children. That means you are a good person too!

Life has nothing to do with apearance and everything to do with your heart and being a caring loving person.

When I was bald from chemo.. people pointed and laughed at me. It was horrible! I just could NOT imagine someone laughing at my dire circumstances! They did not know that while I wad receiving chemo, I was tending to my mother who was dying of cancer! Those people judged me by my looks. They did not know the person I am. They did not know my heart.

You need to give it up! Life is too short to be miserable about something you can't change.

Read an absorbe the Serinity Prayer GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

are you the same good person when you are standing in front of the mirror as you are when you have a blanket over your head?
YES!

Change your thinking so you can give your children a healthy happy outlook on life!

Good Luck! I know you can do it!
Email me if you need support!