My soon to be "Mr.X" was abusive and a drug addict we were married for 8 years. We have 15 minutes in front of her tomorrow, Should I put in writing how awful it was to live with him?
2006-07-18 14:23:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First let me say I am proud of you to rid such an awful person as this. I went through a similar situation...mine was a drunk, and beat me and the kids, he also slept around for years...I was with him 20 yrs. The problem is I am still legally married but no longer living any where near. I can not afford a divorce lawyer. If I were you I find it much easier to write what you want to say. I find if I do not I say things that need not be said. I learned in public speaking if you write it, then practice what you wrote it is much easier. You can get a whole lot of pertinent information that needs to be heard out rather than things that you do not even need to bother mentioning. I hope this helps and GOOD LUCK to you !!!
2006-07-18 14:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by italliansweety67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand your frustration. It is totally understandable that you would want to tell the judge how miserable your exhusband was.
What is the "15 minutes" in front of the judge for? Is this to help determine child custody? If so, like others have mentioned, you will want any and all public records of the behavior you describe above. This stuff only matters in cases of child custody.
As stupid as it sounds, family court does not care about this stuff. They don't care if he is a drunk; she is a cheater; they are both abusive, etc. Also, you have to understand that anyone and everyone who has ever got divorced could sit down and write a letter telling the judge how miserable the other person is. Unfortunately, the judge has no way of knowing who is telling the truth or lying. Furthermore, in the end, what does it really matter? The judge understands that people who are getting divorced think each other are miserable. Otherwise, they wouldn't be getting divorced, right?
You need to make your own decision this. I would definitely consult your lawyer or, if you dont have one, I would just call and ask one in your area. I am afraid it would come off as immature and "sour grapes," especially if you have no proof of his abuse towards you.
I would just be thankful that you were able to cut ties with this loser.
Good Luck!
2006-07-18 22:02:21 · answer #2 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Asboutly, go as parepared as you can, she may actually take the time to read it and understand alot better rather than you just sittiing there spilling your guts out. Right everything down this way you forget how awful it really was, let the judge feel your sadness no matter how you do it, but writing something is real good i think, its more personable, sincerne, and more likely to be read alone in chambers, also any police reports you have, friends and family that can even could write something would really help and the reason i know this is becuase my brother went thru a divorce and rather than calling in everyone to testify they simply wrote letters and then forwared them to brother to turn over to his attorney, it couls help, make sure everyone in volved writes goods and spells good, follow thru and be as honest you really can be and i think you will find writing might even put some light on the situtaion as were you are concerned, good luck and email if you would like to @ cqueen742003@yahoo.com, good luck and best wishes
2006-07-18 21:34:48 · answer #3 · answered by prettygirl new orleans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Private communications by a party to a legal case, with a judge is called, I think, ex parte, and in most judicial districts, a judge is absolutely prohibited from accepting such communications. So, not only would you risk being punished in some way, but the judge would probably be forced to pass a copy to the man's attorney if he read it before he realized what it was and tossed it in the waste basket.
So, if you have such issues, you should have had your attorney prepare some sort of legal filing relevant to such conduct, if relevant to protection of children, and it should have been filed so a copy was available to the other attorney in time to deal with it.
2006-07-18 23:01:48 · answer #4 · answered by retiredslashescaped1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no. If you're in front of the judge, you testify. You tell him how bad he was. If you have hospital, emergency, records, police reports from abuse, take them and show them. In 15 minutes it might not make a difference. If you don't have kids and property to settle, it's not going to make a difference. It's not like they deny divorces.
2006-07-18 21:30:27 · answer #5 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes u should definately come into court prepared so write down everything that u want the judge to know so that u dont leave anything out ..
2006-07-18 21:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a lawyer? Do you have any proof of his behavior (arrests and convictions? 911 calls? police reports? Witness statements?) Does his behavior impact the outcome of anything?
I'm guessing this is just he gets his stuff, you get your stuff, assets are divided in half, debts are assigned...no kids? (please).
If you don't have proof...it's not in your best interests to annoy the judge with it. Talk to your lawyer...but I'm guessing they've already told you to just let it go.
2006-07-18 21:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't have proof of the abuse,it will be a "he said", "she said"...
hope everything turns out for you, best of luck with moving on.
might be a good idea to join a group of abusive women & talk things out, so you will not continue the same patterns.
2006-07-18 21:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by angel_lynn_7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋