Help! What can I do to keep my sanity?

Question

I'm a stay at home mom of 4 kids (14,11,22mos., and 9weeks) Besides the demands of the other rugrats, my newborn has colic and cries ALL the time. Sometimes I cry with him when he's inconsolable. Is it cruel to lay them down and leave the room for awhile when I feel like I can't take anymore?

My teenager is a boy---need I say more?
No offense to all teen boys, but I'd get better results letting my toddler watch the baby!

My hubby works 15hr. days. So handing him off to him is out of the ? right now. I have suggested he cut back on hours (even though we need the $--my sanity is more important!)

Answer 1

Wow, sister. I thought I had it rough with a 11 month old and a daddy's who's away 4 nights a week. Do you have family near you that can help you with the baby, or the older kids, or something? I see what you mean about your 14 year old - does he maybe have any female friends that you can hire to babysit - even if it's for an hour or two so you can catch a nap?

Also, what about your 11 year old? Is this one responsible enough to entertain baby while you breathe for a few minutes?

Though I think it's very important to respond to a baby's cries, it's also important for you to maintain some degree of homeostasis, mentally. If you feel like shaking the baby, or hurting him or yourself or anything - it is WAY safer for everybody involved for you to put him down for a few minutes and gather yourself back up. Your baby needs you to be calm in order for you to mother him as best you can and this is very difficult if he is crying a lot.

A couple suggestions on the side - if you haven't already invested in one, a baby carrier can be a life saver. I really, really dont know how I would function if I didnt have one. My daughter never let me put her down when she was your son's age and so I would pop her into a baby carrier and I could go about everything else I needed ot do and she was happy to be close to me and involved in everything I was doing. Grant you, it's a little hard on the back - but worth every bit of it, because she NEVER cried in that thing. The trick is to keep moving once you've got it on. If you stand still doing nothing, baby's not happy, but if you're moving around baby is happy because he's entertained, or he's happy because he can be lulled to sleep. I dont know anything about your parenting style or how you like to do things or how ANYBODY gets anything done without one of these - all I know is that I dont think my house would be in one peice if I didnt have some sort of baby carrier ( I love them so much I have a front carrier, a sling AND a backpack - my daughter's never even been in a stroller before!)

hope that helps. you're not alone - being a mom is so under rated.

Answer 2

When my second child was born he too cried all the time. I used to think that I couldn't stand it any more. I used to cry with him sometimes too. I know where you are at exactly.
fortunately I had a brilliant neighbor and when I thought I was going mad I used to put my son in his pram, I knew he was safe and fine, I used to walk out and into my neighbors house and tell her I was going for a walk, she used to come in a and babysit for 10-15 minutes I was out. I REALLY needed the break as I just did not feel I was coping with a baby that constantly cried.
As long as you know that you child is safe then I see nothing wrong with leaving him for a shore time. Can your 14 year old not help out a bit? Do you not have a neighbor like I used to have? No you are not cruel, just stressed.
But you do need to get some help as it is clear you are struggling to cope.
My son is 23 now and has stopped crying,it does all get easier.

Answer 3

As long as your 9 week old is in a safe place, by all means walk away. Can you get a neighbor kid to come in and help you out once in awhile? I'm the mother of 6 and when they were little there were many, many times I thought I would go over the edge--and I worked nights part time too. Hopefully you can find someone to come give you a break from time to time. Does anyone have one of those backpack/snuggle things that allow you to hold the baby and keep your hands free? If so, borrow it--they're great!! Best of luck.

Answer 4

Well I have a 3,2 and just turned 1 and it's not easy but for the colic baking soda water helped with my middle child when he had colic. 1 baby teaspoon of baking soda to a 5 oz bottle of pure water that meaning boiled, spring, or distilled which ever you perfer. make sure that water is luke warm. If you have a good freind or family member maybe even daddy ask them to watch the kids while you go and relax. My moms says A well rested mom is the best MOM.

Answer 5

no it is not cruel. it can be very frustrating when a baby is inconsolable. just lay him in his crib and give yourself a breather. of course you wouldnt let him cry for longer than 10 minutes, just give yourself a few minutes to put yourself back together. and maybe talk to your hubby about when he gets home from work if you could leave for an hour, to give you a little break. do whatever you want, go for a walk, go for a drive, go to the store, whatever relaxes you. that may help.

Answer 6

No you are not being cruel. Usually what I would do with my son is put him in his crib, and turn on some music but turn it down a bit and just crack the door a little so you can still hear him. Every once in awhile check up on your baby to make sure he or she is doing alright. Have you also try the baby soap with the lavender in it before you lay him down?

Answer 7

I know how you must feel. I used to cry too when my baby cried and I couldn't get him to stop. The fatigue was overwhelming at times.
Do you have a bouncy seat? If not, try getting one and see how he does it in it.
No, it's not cruel to walk away for a while. Just put the baby where it is safe, like the crib.

Answer 8

Absolutly not, dont feel bad at all. If it gets to be too much, just give them a kiss and leave the room for a little bit. this is much better then loosing your cool and doing something that may harm them. I remember when my youngest was little, was colicy...come to find out autistic, and cries all the time. I would be pacing the floor, him crying....me crying....my other son drying cos we were crying lolol. I bought one of those snugglies and would take walks sometimes and the movement out him to sleep. God forbid if I took him out..lol but it let my oldest son and I get some exercise and some peace at the same time. Ive also been know to call my mom, with all of us crying saying " Mom if you dont come over and give me a break..sob sob sob....Im gonna find a doorstep!" Of course I didnt mean it..lol but I tell you what, its tough! I feel for you and gl hun :)

Answer 9

Only for a little while. This used to be called "ferberizing" and they have found out recently that if you leave a baby too long to console themselves (longer than 20-30 minutes) if can have emotional effects on them when they are older. They tend to have anxiety issues and such. But if you walk away for 10 minutes or so you should be just fine.

Answer 10

Did the doctor say it was colic? If not, I know it is a hard thing to do but you have to walk away. You can try going in every few minutes for a minute to check on him. If it is colic maybe try something to sooth him lke soft music or a sound machine. As for you, try having some hot tea to relax you. You know what they say, babies sense your emotions. Hope it helps.