Anyone else perform poorly during dates?

Question

I just don't know what to do during dates. I'm usually very laid back, but once I'm in a date situation wtth a girl I turn into the babbling idiot nightmare date. I'm horrified at my own performance. I babble and things come out that I don't mean. I know I'm supposed to be warm and responsive, but my nerves and fear get the better of me. I stiffen up, I begin to take on a business meeting like demeanor.

Please tell me others are out there who have dealt with this and have been able to overcome it. More than anything is how disappointed in myself I feel knowing friends will refrain from introducing me to their friends knowing how poorly I perform during dates.

I didn't even realize the implications of my use of the word "peform" to describe my behavior. Thanks for pointing it out. I guess I use that particular word b/c it feels like I'm largely responsible for how fun, interesting, smooth...a date will turn out. I worry about all the little things I did that collectively add up to create a negative impression on my dates.

Answer 1

Best thing to do is to listen, nod & smile.

Just the same way you deal with women in any other part of life if you dont want to get into trouble.

Answer 2

Just break the ice a little harder. Be a little risque and flirt a little more. Say the kind of stuff you think it might not be a good idea to say right away. It'll either flop (and you'll be in the same position you're already in) or it'll be a smashing success.

Compliment her looks and say lots of good stuff about her hair and eyes, face, etc. Tell her she's beautiful and sexy. Hopefully you'll get some good flirty smiles out of that.

If you get nervous, tell her you're a little nervous because you're not used to dating a girl as lovely as her and you're afraid you'll blow it. That might work, but be careful. Don't go so far with this approach that you appear unconfident or appear to have low self-esteem. These things can turn off women. Play it like you're being coy or cute and it should work.

Touch her. This is where you may have to be a little daring, but go with your gut and follow her signals.

Or, if all else fails, you could just "whip it out" :)

Answer 3

Just reading your question makes me cringe when thinking of some disasters that I've had on dates. I made the most common mistake that guys make on dates; I made the mistake of thinking that every second has to be filled with useless chatter, and we do end up babbling. When we try to be funny or insightful, it just comes out wrong, and even the sound of our voices is off. I think you just put too much pressure on yourself, thinking too much instead of just acting naturally. You need to be the guy that made her want to go out with you, instead of trying to be perfect.

About 9 years ago, I went out with a woman who was really way over my head, but she liked me as a person and went out with me. I was so nervous, that I tipped over my glass of wine, but she laughed, not at me, but with me. Believe it or not, things actually loosened up after that.

I've overcome it, you just have to relax, and be yourself. You can't worry about her friends, or what she is thinking. Remember she went out on the date with you, so she at least is interested in you as a person. Just start with small conversation, THINK SMALL. It can develop into a longer, deeper conversation, and you will have a lot more fun. Also, this may not be the best way to look at it, but I've been shot down so many times in my life, that I can't possibly be disappointed on a bad date. If I go out with a girl for the first time, I don't feel like I have to "produce" and show her a good time or else. I talk just like I would with my best friend, and if it works out fine, if it doesn't, I'll live. RELAX!!

Answer 4

I don't think I am really the one to answer this one for you, because from the female end, I don't do well either. Older and thrown back into the dating area, that would be me, I don't get the games and don't play them. What stands out in your writing though is the word perform. Why do you use that word? Are you trying to be something you are not? Sorry to give more questions than an answer. I would not suggest over-complimenting as suggested by others... she won't buy it.

Answer 5

so many of us have this performance anxiety or social anxiety going on lol... it's okay yes there are many out there that have the same problem. Let the person know that your a little nervous and sometimes that helps to break the ice and calm down enough to improve how the date is going. It really does help to talk about it because who knows that person your dating may be having the same insecurities that you are but are really good at hiding it.

Answer 6

Try exercising a few hours before your date (then of course shower) It will help relax you and get rid of some of that tense energy.

You might also try taking a speech or drama course, as sometimes is more of a social awkwardness, that could be helped by those classes.

Answer 7

I definitely act differently on dates. I just don't feel that comfortable on them. Maybe you can try to not take the date as seriously or try meeting people in group settings so you will be more yourself.

Answer 8

I probably would do the same thing. I haven't had a date in 22 years or so so I don't know.

Answer 9

I shot mi load before i got mi kegs off...