Everyone Hates Me!?

Question

It's not that I care so much about it, I learn to deal...but my co-workers at every job I have hate me! I'm quite, and shy at first, but I do warm up. I make it a habit to always use eye contact, I don't fool around with the office politics and I am jovial and ethical when it comes to working. However, my co-workers at my last few jobs just don't like me. Once in a while, a few males co-workers will befriend me, but I usually realize they want to date and then it's over with. I don't put down other co-workers and when other people do, I defend them. I hear them talking about me--though they know NOTHING about me or who I am. They don't even know if I'm married or have kids or anything.

But should I even care? Should I just do the best job I can do and let it go? Wouldn't that be the honorable way to go? What would you think if you worked with someone like I described?

maybe i forgot to mention the part where i'm a temp....

oops

Answer 1

Work is work. Your social life is not part of your work life. I've worked at places where I've had lots of friends & places where I there was no one I would call a friend. If you're making good money & enjoy your job then who cares what people think? Just don't buy into it. Act like you truly don't care & be friendly to those who you have heard talking about you (kill them with kindness). Don't retaliate by participating in gossip yourself!!!

People will soon learn that they aren't affecting you & they'll move on to the next target. Don't let it bother you, if you do let it bother you & you show that it's bothering you, you're just adding fuel to the fire. Make sure you aren't being paranoid!!!

Good Luck & Smile!!!

Answer 2

Well normally I might say you shouldn't care about what people think of you but I think that in a work situatuion it's very important that you like the people you work with. I usually love my job but today I was in a diffrent department with a co-worker I don't get along with. I am usually a little shy around new people but I've learned you have to suck it up and try and be outgoing. My first two jobs I had for 2 and 4 years and both times I got jobs at places where I knew people so it was easy to make friends. So when I quit my last job (the one of 4 years where I had been since I was 17) I realized that it would be really hard to make friends on my own. Start out simple with little small talk. As how they are, ask if they have any plans for the weekend...then let it progress. Soon you will be making friends. Staying out of office politics is a great idea. Whenever someone says anything about someone else I just pretend I don't know what they are talking about, like if someone is always saying someone else is never on time/always leaving early I just reply with "Oh I never noticed that." It keeps you neutral...good luck and continue to do you best. If nothing else your boss will notice that you are a hard worker and you will succeed!

Answer 3

I would suggest reading a book on the subject (ie: How To Make Friends and Influence People). This is a very popular book, and it has great reviews.

Also, don't be afraid to show interest in other people (this will make you a likable person). Start by finding out something about them or their family (just by paying attention). Then you can ask (when the timing is right) how things are going (ie: Is little billy enjoying his new soccer team?). People will generally like someone who takes interest in them. Note: be careful not to "try too hard" either.

Some of the other answers in this post make a good point too - you don't need to be friends with everybody, and not everybody is going to like you (no matter who you are). Choose who you want your friends to be, then make the effort.

Good Luck!

P.S. - I disagree with those who say that the workplace is no place to socialize. Granted, work is work, but during coffee break, lunch time, or the company BBQ, it's up to you if you want to be hated or not. Some of my best friends are from the workplace!

The majority of us spend most of our time at work, so why not make the best of it?

Answer 4

Do you think your co-workers hate each other, too? If not, do you think you have some quality that causes them to hate you?

I know from personal experience that if a person is shy, a lot of times other people will mistake that for being snobby and aloof. I'm not saying that's your situation, just something to consider.

You say you hear them talking about you - what is it they say? Do they say it about a lot of people, or just you?

I don't know how long you've been working, but my personal experience is that for the rest of your life, most of your co-workers are going to be jerks. That's just the way it is in general, and the competitive, fear-filled environment of most work places, people are on their worst behavior. You just need a thick skin to deal with it. Ignore them if they're not causing you any problems other than having to hear stupid talk.

Answer 5

Well you sound like you should be a leader. Maybe shoot for being a supervisor or a manager. You don't follow the crowd, you like to joke around and lighten moral at work, but you don't like the gossip. I have had similar problems at work, I have since become a supervisor. I play a little politics, you can't help it when you are dealing with people, it's a part of life. You can listen but do not comment, if you defend people that others are talking about, then they tend not to trust you. Just watch who is who and keep all of you personal info to your self, well at least the stuff you don't want them to know, and if someone ask you about something that they said about someone, you can just say stuff like, that's crazy, or oh my goodness or I couldn't tell ya man, I'm just here to get paid. Throw them off so that you don't have to down someone.

Answer 6

Silence scares people. To soften the scare, simply, when occasion arises, get them to talk about themselves. Ask questions that show an interest in them but gets them talking about themselves. That is people's favorite topic. They'll think you're swell. You are intelligent and capable. Be human about it and it won't be so off-putting. Praise others for their insight or capability. Admit when you don't know a thing. Admit when you are wrong. Apologize when it is needed. Be quick to humble yourself when appropriate, but not in a phony way. Be real and genuine. You'll find as your co-workers get to know you, that you'll prefer to eat lunch with those you have more in common with and feel more comfortable with. Be polite to all and don't respond to slights and evil doings of co-workers. Silence is golden. The truth will always come out in the end. You will be respected by one and all, well almost.

Answer 7

i don't know exactly how you are either. but i know this .. at everyjob there are those people that just have nothing better to do than sit there and talk about others.. including co workers. However i'm sure they also say the same about each other behind each other's back.. so don't stress it .. let it go. it's just what they do and who they are. The worst thing you can do to them is stay nice to them..
sorry that you're going through this. i'm pretty sure it's harder done than said.. best of luck and you seem like the person that would know what to do..

Answer 8

It's so easy to say, but you really shouldn't care. People who behave that way are idiots, and that's what you need to think about when they're being stupid and mean. Their behavior is a reflection on them, not you.

Definitely just do the best job you can, and don't worry about them. The only opinion that matters is your boss's. As long as your boss believes that you are doing a good job and you are an honest person, nothing else matters.

Just remain neutral, mind your own business, and one day you'll probably be their boss.

Answer 9

People gossip. It's a fact of life. That doesn't mean they hate you.

What hard evidence do you have that they hate you? Are you sure it's not just you being shy, and everybody starts getting the wrong idea about you? When you're new somewhere, make an extra effort to be friendly and get to know people.

Also: it's not wise to "avoid" office politics. It's better to learn how they work, so you know who's in power and what's going on. In order to do that, you have to have friends who can trust you.

Answer 10

If you defended people I would think you were nice. I used to be shy myself. I realize that other people who are shy are not snobby and just shy. I realize people do not want to date at work. If people just say a friendly hello in the hall or smile I am fine. I am not sure they hate you. I would like a person who stopped from having others stabbed in the back. I hate hearing that stuff.
You sound like a nice hardworking person to me. I would have a hard time getting to know you until a long time, but I would like you and respect you from what I would be able to see.

How can people hate you when they know you are not stabbing them in the back? Seriously I do not think people hate others for being shy and then when they do speak defending others. They might be jealous, but hate no.