Maybe I should clarify a few things. My husband works 2 jobs because he doesn't like doing the family thing. I am a full time nursing student and mom (so I actually have a 24/7 full time job). We have 5 children. A 16 year old whose mom left when he was 18 months old, that has no respect for me or anyone else in this house except his dad; he is here with me ALL the time day in day out, a 9 year old that I pick up, take care of by myself and take home every WED and every other weekend, then there are two boys ages 8 & 7 and a little girl age 5 that are here all the time. I have done the single mom with 3 kids thing because their dad is a piece of ****. My husband loves all of us I am sure but I didn't get remarried to be alone. I am VERY aware my blessings and thank God for them every day. I hardly think that birth control is a rational answer(to the smartasses), I wouldn't take anything for any of the kids. My question was how do deal with being unappreciated and alone?!!!!
2006-07-18 13:19:22 · 10 answers · asked by Lonely A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you are blessed, you just don;t see it at all, having a family like that I would not feel alone and appreciated, when you have nothing at all to take care and be with, that I say you are alone and unappreciated...,you would say I am right... you are doing fine...your gift is to served... be happy and content,, don't look for something that would gonna take them away from you... you have enough to be thankful. it is only the husband that needs to change,,not you,
god bless you.
2006-07-18 13:29:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband "have" to work 2 jobs to support the family financially? If so, understand that he works hard and is tired and his only free time is spent sleeping. If he's working 2 jobs just to put all the burden of family responsibilities on you, dont allow it!!
Are any of these children yours? You spoke of being a single mom but you make it sound as if all 5 children are his. If he's working the 2nd job because he doesnt want the responsibilty of raising his own kids, insist that he puts them in daycare or enrolls them in summer camp. If your children are raised, let him know you raised you children without help and though you arent refusing to help, you didnt get married to raise another family "all by yourself". You really need to talk to him and make attempts to help him understand how lonely you feel. Let him know that you need him to be active in raising his family (not just bringing home the bacon) and providing times for intimacy for you and him.
If that doesnt work, try going to a family counselor. It sounds like there may be some other issues under the surface that have play in him being away from the house so much.
In the meantime, though you shouldn't subsitute your husband for them, spend time with friends who help you feel like a valued individual while you are working things out with your husband and/or a counselor.
Best of luck with everything.
2006-07-18 20:50:37 · answer #2 · answered by lilmissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where u are coming from. I've been married for 13 years, have 2 kids and am very lonely as well. He is a great provider, does housework, helps with homework, pays the bills, etc. I know he sounds wonderful and he is, but he doesn't pay any attention to me or our marriage. I told him a year ago that I was very depressed. I told him that I cant take being lonely anymore, that I wanted out. I told him I was leaving him, if he didn't start doing family things or paying attention to me. He knew that I meant every word of it. Well I never left, but NOTHING changed. I am very lonely to this day. But I know if I find the 'right' person, I will not hesitate to leave.
Sorry, I don't have any advice for you, just my own experience.
2006-07-18 23:56:21 · answer #3 · answered by dtammyus♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. I used to preach to my husband that when the kids were grown not to EVER say to me he should have been there for them when they were younger (like his father does all the time) - this is his one and only chance. He would get mad when I asked him to take time off work to spend with me and the kids - he is indispensible to us, but not to the job. I understand the heart to heart does not always work. Anyway, he didn't come around until the kids started shutting him out - not intentionally, but just because they were not used to having him around - and I started having my own interests and stopped waiting at home for him. I know this is difficult when the children are younger. Yes you are blessed and surrounded by those who need you, but adult company especially from a spouse you married to share your lives is desireable. I think this is something he just needs to come around to on his own. I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear, but patience is the best thing. You need to learn to make time for yourself and learn to be comfortable with yourself. You should also network. Make friends with your kids' friends' moms, start a community play group, get a network of friends you can call when lonely. Maybe when the kids ask you to do something apologize that you are not able and suggest they ask him to do that with them or for them. Let him know he is appreciated and needed for more than just his financial support.
Best of luck. I wish you all the happiness.
2006-07-18 21:55:33 · answer #4 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By refusing to be alone. You said your husband doesn't like to do the family thing, so you may need another husband to get what you want. Have you made it clear to him how miserable you are? What is his response? You need to make him realize that you didn't get married to be alone and you won't be, he can be around or you can find someone who will. Sometimes it takes that big a kick in the pants to get them to see what is going on. Good luck to you.
2006-07-18 20:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could it be he has to work two jobs to satisfy youre familly needs, Talk to him that 16 year old son its not esay its in fact the wort time as fas as being a parent. You have to make space for both of you, TELL HIM, "Listen to me and please dont respond know, I need more of you, I love you and need time together. Call in sick get rid kids, and have a gr8 time. Comunication is a mst. And taking carer of kids that are not youre responsability is ok, but onece in a while just say no, TAKE THAT TIME GIRL, and make it happen.
pedroza67@yahoo.com
2006-07-18 20:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by pedroza67 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband works all the time, but we set one day even if its for a few hours every week to be with family...i like it...i look forward to it...maybe u can try that. u sound like a great wife, mom and strong woman to take on so much, i know i couldnt do all of what u do! good luck :-)
2006-07-18 20:33:01 · answer #7 · answered by butterflidesi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to your hubby maybe tonight when your in bed and make a weekly date with him get a babysitter for a couple of hours so you can have some alone time its very important for your marriage to have some alone time just the grown ups if you cant get a babysitter ask him to take a day off so you can have time for yourselves
2006-07-18 20:31:10 · answer #8 · answered by Kay D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to have aheart to heart with the hubby. Tell him you appreciate how hard he works in providing for the family, but you need him to actually BE there to help and that the kids need him to BE there, so they can have a steady male role model in their lives. Be honost with yourself and your hubby.
2006-07-18 21:06:57 · answer #9 · answered by naenae4570 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make friends..only women will understand, my guy uses his work as an excuse not to do anything with our daughter.He has never..changed a diaper,given her a bath,put her to bed or washed a dish.men are creeps
2006-07-18 20:24:48 · answer #10 · answered by cassiepiehoney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋