Be honest.
When the time comes through
For all that we do
never mind what is true
Everything is always new
Life is meant to be this way
I can't seem to change it nomatter what I say
Now that I know
My self-esteem is low
What is meant to be
The rest is followed in me
I can't seem to understand
Why I am the one who always seems to stand
Out of the crowd with no one to see
Or believe in me
Now that I know what life may bring
My heart is only to sing
What life may be?
How could I not see?
This time I carry on strong
But I still seem to feel wrong
This is the life that was always lonely
This is the life that never held it's beauty
I was in the moment.
2006-07-18 13:15:29 · 18 answers · asked by Sophia 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
Wow, I'm a fan. K.I.M. plz. (Keep It Moving)
Keep the verbal expressions moving
through the syllables and sentences grooving
Moving to a musical tune,
And heart beats low as a bassoon
Keep on doing what you do
Your words may end up saving somebody soon...
Peace
Let's exchange poetry
newbside69@yahoo.com
2006-07-18 13:26:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's decent.
The secret to poems is that you can't always be concerned about rhyming. Most novice poets try to make their lines rhyme because they believe that is what defines a poem, but in doing so they lose the meaning of what they are actually trying to say. Some of the greatest poets in the world have abondoned rhyming entirely, while some "rhyme" words that sound nothing alike. But their words have spoken louder than many others.
Point: forget rhyming. It's not always important. Write what you feel, not what you think you hear.
2006-07-18 20:26:51 · answer #2 · answered by Magdalene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take a print out of it and cut each line into strips. Lay them out and put the poem together that way, you seem to say some very meaningful things but not in order. It needs to sound more flowing, I had to go back a few times and reread it just to understand what it is you were trying to say. Just trying to help!
2006-07-18 20:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by mamaof2gurls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you throw out the rhymes at the very last, which is jarring.
Your rhythms are out of synch, the lines are all different lengths and don't read well aloud.
But it's still fun, probably would do well at a poetry slam...
2006-07-18 20:19:26 · answer #4 · answered by ladders_to_fire 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poetry is like cooking. A few like it, a few don't the majority are indifferent, but ultimately, you made it, and if its what u meant, and YOU like the taste, its perfect.
2006-07-18 20:20:14 · answer #5 · answered by stunfire316 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not to bad but a bit too long for me, but i have a short woman"s prayer just for you -
dear lord , i pray for wisdom
to understand a man.
love to forgive him
patience for his mood"s,
because lord
if i pray for strength
i may just beat him to death. hehhe
hope you like it,
2006-07-18 20:31:07 · answer #6 · answered by KATIEKAT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice poem.
2006-07-18 20:18:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good poem with deep thought. not bad
2006-07-18 20:18:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL, HONESTLY, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GRAB WORDS OUT OF THE AIR,
IF THEY RHYME OR NOT, YOU DON'T CARE.
THE AMOUNT OF WORDS IN EACH SENTENCE VARY,
HONESTLY, THE POEM IS QUITE HAIRY.
2006-07-18 20:22:06 · answer #9 · answered by helper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your poem is to sad
which dont make it bad
i hope your heart sings
for that i'd be glad
2006-07-18 20:20:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋