Am i doing the right thing here??

Question

My boyfriend of 6 years walked out on me and our 4 year old son a few weeks ago,i`m still heartbroken but people are telling me just to put on a brave face when he`s visiting our son,so when i was speaking to him on the phone at the weekend i was acting all confident and happy so he now thinks i`m over him.Should i keep up the pretence,when deep down my heart is still breaking?I`ve been told that if he see`s a new confident happy person he`ll realise i`m not the same wreck that he left and may fall back in love with this new me,but i`m not so sure.I have grown in confidence these last few weeks as i`ve had to stand on my own to feet for the first time in my life and be the adult in the house for a change.So do i carry on with the pretence or let him know i`m still love with him and still really upset??I`ve been told i have nothing to lose in trying this but what if it doesn`t turn out as i hope?help!!

Over the last 2 years i had become quite depressed and miserable due to the fact that my son has learning difficulties,cant yet speak and has been assessed for autism etc,anyway i started comfort eating and have let myself go a bit well alot actually i`ve put on over 2 and a half stone and lost all my confidence and self esteem and didn`t want to go out as i always felt fat and ugly and would compare myself to other people all night and make myself more miserable!I have now started to healthy eat and do exercise and will be taking driving lessons soon,i am doing this for me and also hoping it`ll change my ex`s mind when he see`s i`ve become the happy self confident person i always wanted to be.

Answer 1

Let the confidence show. Let him know that you are learning things about yourself that you didn't know, and you are growing as a person. You like this about yourself.

But it's also okay to acknowledge that you miss him. Don't cling, don't sob, don't beg him to come back... Respect his need to leave the relationship. After all, what good is a relationship if you have to hold him there for him to stay? He may never decide to come back to you, and you should be prepared to accept that, but letting a person know that they were loved, and that you miss their company is never wrong.

Answer 2

I don't know if you are doing the right thing. What I can tell you is that this will hurt for a while, but will hurt even more if you don't step out to the real world and claim your womanhood. He is doing you a big favor, for example, you said you have never been on your own, well here is your chance to see what it's like. As women we need to step out of our comfort zone and grow sometimes without depending on anyone but God. You need to have faith in yourself and know if he is foryou, he will be for you. No matter what you say to this man or how sexy or fat you get, if he is ready to leave there is not a dam thing you could do about it or say , he will leave.
The quest to you is , what are you going to take care of you so you can be a better mom to your son?. Apprently he has answered that question on the dad part because he is making time to visit his son and that counts for something.

To thy own self be true. If you can't find it in you to move on regardless of what will happen, you are going to get hurt a whole lot more than this. This will set up an emotional pattern for every other man that enters your life and your sons life. You will always be dependent on a man to make you feel whole, mean while they will play you like a whore, which I know you are not. So think about getting yourself together so you can be a better mom and have better relationships in the future. good luck

You can do this. Just start healing from within by taking care of yourself.

Answer 3

I'm impressed by the fact that you are already doing things like the driving lessons and starting your diet. That takes a lot of strength. But you are right to be doing it for yourself. you need to be looking after your own needs first. You'll feel more confident about yourself and be more able to cope with your son. If your relationship is meant to be, then so be it. But you'll go back down again if your life revolves around getting back with him and it doesn't work out. Concentrate on being good to yourself first, and if things do work out with him, make sure to resolve the issues that caused the break up in the first place. Loads of luck and take care!!

Answer 4

If this Ex really cared about his family at all he wouldn't have left in the first place.He would have trodden the deep sea waters with you, made you feel confident of who you are nomatter how big or ugly you are.You are better off on your own.Leave your life and concentrate on your son.We don't choose what kind of children we want.Be proud of your son and let his dad realise what he is missing, a good and stable life.Keep working harder and get yourself back on track and feel wonderful about yourself not for someone else. What ever people think about us they can never change us.We are who we are.A man who runs out on his family when there are problems is a COWARD. Move on with your life.You are worth 10 of him.What gives you the guarantee that when he comes back he will be for keeps, what if something else goes wrong and he walks again .Would you like to put yourself and son through that again.I don't think so.You sound a sensible person so just get on with you life.He will be jealous of you believe me and I hope he regrets his actions for the rest of his life especially when he sees you cruising in your car soon.If by any chance you let him back into your lives make sure he grovels for you and lay down your rules so he realises you are not some kind of trash to be trodon.Show him what confidence he has instilled in you by leaving. Best of luck girl.

Answer 5

You can do both. You shuold be proud of the progress you'remaking - that's very important. You don't have to beg him to let him know that you're still interested in maintaining a relationship if he is willing to try. Did he leave for someone else? Or was it just issues between the two of you?
Take it slow, and do keep up the confidence. You can maintain confidence without pushing him away. If he sees that things are getting better and he's interested in coming back, he'll come around.

Answer 6

Do both.. if the timing is right let him know how u feel but be very short about it.. say " i love you and if you ever change your mind let me know" but then go on with being happy and confident.. that way ur not giving him the power, u just letting him know that the ball is still in his court if he ever wants things to be different.. but dont get sappy with him or tell him this is all an act because then the power is back to him and he'll feed off of it.. Men like the chase so simply tell him how u feel .. but still make him "want" you, if he doesnt come back , its because he really doesnt want to be in the relationship anymore and nothing u could of done would of changed that.. but to put your mind at is.. let him know its in his court just once.. then go on how ur going.. confident,strong and happy..

Answer 7

I think carry on being confident, driving, eating healthily etc, but make sure your doing it for yourself.

Why don't you just be honest with your boyfriend? Tell him that you need to sort yourself out, for your own good. Perhaps apologise for letting things get on top of you. and ask if there is ever going to be a chance for the two of you to get back together.

Answer 8

you need medical help... see a doctor... only when you feel better will you be able to give your son the help he needs and deserves. putting all your energy into looking after yourself and your boy will stop you worrying about your boyfriend and how you should "act" around him. most men feel overwhelmed by the idea of caring for a child with learning difficulties, he may just need time to adjust or he may simply be inadequate but whatever DO NOT blame yourself.

Answer 9

Why do U want him back? He walked out on U and your son. I know U love him & want him back, but U have 2 ask yourself do I really want him after him abanding us? I've been there and acted just the way u r and it worked I got him back but then he just left 2 months later. Act the way ur son would B proud of U.

Answer 10

Difficult one as I don't know him. I'd seriously get on and live your life. You may meet someone else but even if you dont you can still be happy. Stay on friendly terms with this guy though and suggest a regular meeting to discuss your son. Always loo good and seem happy and confident..trust me on this...Good Luck!