How do I get the "love" back in my marriage?

Question

My husband and I have been married 4 years. He is a good man. I mean I had a child and was pregnant with another when we met and he still wanted to be with me. The problem is with 4 children I feel like we have settled into a rut and I don't like it. How do I get that feeling back?

Answer 1

I'll tell you that my wife and I have been married for 11 years and it got boring for her and me as well. After a few talks ,,lots of talks when ever we got a chance, we went back to doing thing we did when we first started seeing each other when time allows(i.e. kids jobs house work etc). IT took both of us to make it work but now our friend ship and love life is ten-fold better. And all it took was little thing like opening doors for her, making her coffee in the morning, doing dishes for her with out being asked, leaving love notes. I even set up a second e mail account for me so we can send loving e-mails to each other.. my part made her feel more appreciated and in turn she did thing that I was missing, touching me more kissing when ever she had the chance or when i have the chance.of course I realized that a touch doesnt ally mean sex and that was and important thing to understand as well but is short we know try to impress each other like we use to and we consider our selves friends and lovers ....makes it fun that way

Answer 2

I like Scott's answer about the little things like helping each other without being asked, holding hands, sitting beside each other, blowing kisses. There are things you can do with the kids - although alone time would be ideal. Have picnics, try a new activity. When we are all sitting on the living room floor I will steam-roll everyone starting with my husband, start a snowball fight with rolled up socks, tickle fight or a pillow fight. I make a special effort to dress nice even when I would rather change into my jammies. If I am wearing a skirt I will catch his attention while the kids' heads are turned and flash him. Maybe start a secret language where a wave means I want to give you a long lingering kiss, etc. I like to communicate with winks.

Answer 3

Yes, all the books say the same thing. But it makes sense and it doesn't take a lot of time.

Give each other some "special" time. Even just a few minutes.

Trade 10-15 massages. You give him one tonight when you go to bed, he gives you one tomorrow.

Send him a sexy email.

Jump in the shower and surprise him with a quick hand or ********.

Get a babysitter for an hour or so, go to the park and just sit together, go to Starbucks and just read for a half hour.

Every moment counts.

Answer 4

i dont have any children, but i met a family that also has 4 children, and they make it a point to have a "special" adult night out at least once a week. even if its just a couple hours. take a walk around the block, go for a drive. just the two of you and leave the kids with a family member or some friends. make time for your intimate time to make sure that you and/or your spouse never forget why you are together.

Answer 5

I know how you feel,but to help you out, 4 kids? First find a sitter a relative close friend someone you trust of course who is not going to charge you to sit with them for about 6hrs while you go out. It can be done. Or, put the kids to bed early, send him out for something run some errands and whip up a quick 30 min meal light some candles with some champagne, slow music and look deeply into each others eyes and recapture what was lost. talk laugh not about the kids i know that is hard to do, but try it and watch you heart go pitter patter all over again. then go to bed early yourselves, with some long over due heavy heated love making.(provided you took your B.Control).
Good Luck

Answer 6

when you find out please let me know. I've read multiple books and they all say the same thing about making time for yourselfs and blah. blah , blah. Maybe rich people with nannys and babysitters can do that but most of us in the real world dont have that luxury then they tell you to be romantic when the kids go to bed special time for the two of you. By the time the kids go to bed you want to drop on the floor and sleep as well knowing that another jam packed day of excitement is only hours away. so when you find out please let me know

Answer 7

the most important thing is that you (both) never stop working on your marriage and try to make your spouse happy (both again...).

we have a date night every month. either you get a babysitter and go out or you just put the kids to bed and prepare something for home - any activity (a friend told me that she and her husband made henna tattoos...thought that sounded fun), rent movies, make dinner etc.

you might be spontaneous one day and suggest something you usually don't do...go places with the whole family. day trips or even a long weekend.

hope it'll help =)

Answer 8

girl, i've been married for 13, if you find out let me know!