Should I talk to him about it or just let it go?

Question

I started communicating with this guy through an internet dating site in March. Since then, we've realized we have a lot in common, and we sort of "click" really well. We live on entirely different continents, though, so it's been fairly clear from the beginning that we really can't have much more than friendship, but we've never made our intentions explicitly clear. Anyway, I really like him and I want to still be his friend, no matter what, but lately our communications seem different, almost boring. He doesn't want to chat nearly as often, and when we do, it's he doesn't have much to say. I think he's seeing someone, which I don't mind, of course, since we were never really "dating," as it were. Should I talk to him about it and tell him I wouldn't mind that he's dating someone and that I still want to be his friend, or should I just wait for him to say something? And what if he doesn't? I don't want to lose his friendship, but I worry he's just going to stop talking to me.

This is really good advice so far. Thanks, it's definitely giving me a lot to think about.

Just a little more about the relationship: In the beginning, the feelings were definitely romantic on both our sides. Probably about 2 months ago, our conversations just naturally stopped being romantic and started being friendly, but we still talked all the time. I'm kicking myself now that we didn't make it clearer about what we were expecting before... Even though I suppose I do still like him, at least a little bit, I'm actually completely ok with just being his friend. If he doesn't feel the same way, then, well, a friendship won't work with only one person interested in it...

Answer 1

Certainly talk to him about it...not in the pushy kind of way but maybe a "You're such a great guy, when are you finally going to go out and start seeing someone?"...it may be the ice breaker to a more open conversation. Be sincere and positive in your responses and I think you'd be pleasantly suprised.

Answer 2

Hmm, I would be honest with this person. Has there ever been a point when you both chatted & discussed that even a slight of feelings were there..or just shrugged the whole idea due to the distance. Been there, done that...continents away, never say never. Now I am married to this 'friend' who I shrugged off and eventually developed feelings as our discussions continued forward, at that point, distance didn't matter. Also, just maybe he isn't ignoring you, or can't chat with you as often..especially if he lives in a third world country. Their internet service is well let's just say really bad, I know I have visited countries where I couldn't communicate to family...so if this has been told to you, then I would say it's true. Just email him a letter, and explain yourself...then just go from there. Hope it all works out!

Answer 3

Ask him what's wrong and honestly tell him what you feel....

"You don't seem much talkative recently... is anything wrong?"
"You sound like an interesting person, I don't want to lose our friendship"
Also, pretend interest for his activities and tell him yours, it may get him going again.

Maybe he thinks that you are interested in him romantically, and he wants to make clear that he's not (any longer). Or maybe he did lost all interest in you, maybe he's not looking for more friends. Maybe he just saw you as a romantic interest and when he noticed it was not going to work, he decided to not pay you any more attention.
Or maybe he's just a bit depressed or busy...

Either way, it's better for you to tackle this issue so that it doesn't bother you any longer. If the guy is worthy of your friendship, he will explain to you what's wrong with him (if anything) or resume his friendly attitude with time. If he just doesn't care about being your friend, well, you'll have one pointless contact less on your instant messenger. Either way, it's a win-win situation for both of you.

Answer 4

That is the danger in internet friendships. They can often just fade away because nothing is likely to happen beyond internet chat, and it does become boring and monotonous. If you truly think you guys are friends, then a brief "it's all good" conversation can't hurt. But, that's really not very long to have been "friends", so my concern is that he's just moved on to the next person. I don't mean for that to sound harsh -- I've just watched it happen too many times.

Answer 5

It's an awkward one because sometimes the online thing can make you feel like there is more of a relationship there than there really is. You should ask him a bit about what is going on - you don't really have anything to lose, because it sounds like things are drifting anyway. Possibly, like any relationship, it may have had its time. Or perhaps as you suggest he has more going on in the real world and less time and interest in online stuff.

Hope it works out for you :)

Answer 6

Since nothing really happen and not possible to happen, I would wait for him to say something. Meanwhile just casually mention about how you feel about this internet relationship with him. Let him know what you think. If he wants to maintain this friendship he would continue to chat. If he does not chat as often, maybe you're right - he has other interests. That is only natural.

Answer 7

It is time for you to develop a new hobby. Maybe not another internet friend, but some thing else you do that matters to you. When you write him, be enthusiastic about your hobby, If he is simply bored, this may interest him again. If he does say he's seeing someone, that can provide quite a lot of conversation.

Answer 8

Tell him how you feel. Let him know what a valuable friend he is and how much the friendship means but that you know realistically it can only be a friendship. Let him know you hope you both can find that special someone one day and still keep your wonderful friendship becouse it is important. He'll get the idea and if he cares wont let your friendship die. Good luck

Answer 9

I am currently in a relationship similar to the one that you have with your friend. Sometimes, my boyfriend seems as though he does not want to talk with me when I call and when I asked him about it he told me that he has a lot on his mind and is preoccupied with work or that I just called him at a late hour and he is tried. The situation gets reversed sometimes - he calls me and I am not in the mood to talk to him for the same reasons. Maybe that is all that is going on with your friend. But, still it does not always hurt to ask.

Answer 10

Do nothing..you were chatting and now you're not. Its sometimes easy to pretend to be interesting and have things in common on the net, and sometimes you get chatting to someone you really do have so much in common with. Just take it for what it was... a really enjoyable and interesting chat. You'll have lots more..this isn't the only one..