"I'll always be your girl"
He lye there
without a single word.
As the person, he cared about
look at him.
Tear fall down her eye.
She called your name,
not a single word.
She doesn’t want you to died.
Calling upon her inner strength,
laying her hand on your body
With her strength, her smile faded a little.
Cause she won't let him died,
sacrifice her life to save him
As tear fall on his face
rainy smile as she love you
leaning down she kiss you,
closing her eye, as the hairclip you gave her
felled out.
As bright wing spread from her
With her last word,
“she be with your spirit and mind.
Good bye..., for she gave her life
to save your.”
2006-07-18 11:44:48 · 8 answers · asked by Tori 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I proved read this one. Making should I fix my error.
2006-07-18 11:45:27 · update #1
I think the concept is a good one. Please check your grammar and verb-subject agreement. One rewrite should do it.
2006-07-18 12:18:49 · answer #1 · answered by tampamar 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very memorable. Unique. Unquestionably a stand-alone poem of distinguished content.
2006-07-18 18:49:41 · answer #2 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It needs serious grammar and spelling work.
Also... reading this, it didn't seem like poetry, but rather prose with creative line breaks.
2006-07-18 19:19:23 · answer #3 · answered by harmonslide 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I confess I don't really understand it. But I think the basic idea of it is original.
2006-07-18 18:58:56 · answer #4 · answered by Dragonfly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has potential, but needs a lot more work.
The base idea is good; you just need to clean it up.
2006-07-18 18:50:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have some writing issues. "felled out?" fell out or falls out.
It is all right once you fix those errors.
2006-07-18 21:03:20 · answer #6 · answered by she who is awesome 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes spendid in deed must be really good in writing poems keep it up gal
2006-07-18 18:51:18 · answer #7 · answered by mojee j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the poem, but...the misspellings were throwing me off.
2006-07-18 18:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋