Been with my partner for over a year...no marriage talk at this point...but the word has been mentioned here and there.....That is were the problem starts....we disagree. Both been married before....I don't think there is a point to it.....when we first met we both agreed that we didnt want marriage....Only one has changed his mind...with the saying that someday if I want to get married! I have not changed my opinion on marriage....I dont want to do it again. Whats wrong with living together ? Am I wrong? By the way I have been married 3 times and him 2. Together we have 7 kids....Not quite the brady bunch but it is good. Its not destroying our relationship...but it is a shadow. Yesterday he told his daughter that some day we would be married.
2006-07-18 11:34:53 · 10 answers · asked by delightful1970 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whats the big deal to getting married? If you love him and want to be with him and make things work .. then get married when the time is right. Tell him to stop forcing it on you.
2006-07-18 11:38:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really understand why you would not want to get married again. I have been with my boyfriend for four years now. We have each been married once and have only 4 children between us, and I not only do not want to marry him, I don't want to live with him either. To me that is almost the same thing. I value my time with my own children and my time alone too much to have that change. He understands, but obviously your partner wants more. Maybe it's an insecurity issue. If he knows that you love him and are happy with him and don't plan to leave him, what's the problem? You both should know after 5 marriages between you that a marriage can dissolve just like any other relationship, and if it does, it's a heck of a lot more complicated. Reassure him that you do love him, but see no point in making it legal. Ask him why he wants to. Could he possibly be telling his daughter that someday you'll be married so that she realizes that you are in a committed relationship and trying to maybe set an example for her? Talk to him about this in a loving way. Good luck and don't do it AGAIN!!
2006-07-18 19:03:35 · answer #2 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I told my second husband when we started living together (weren't married), I told him I didn't want to get married again... the first time was enough of a pain and aggrivation. I also told him I didn't want anymore children. He was ok with the children part. But with the marriage part... he wanted it badly. After the first year he gave up on pestering me.. and we just lived together. After 5 yrs, I sat him down and told him that I was tired of living together, and since our state voted out the common law marriage... I asked him to be my husband. It didn't change anything to have that piece of paper... but I know it was the right thing for me at the time.
Just let him know that you don't want to. Living together is what you feel is right. After a total of 5 marriages and 7 children... another marriage would complicate possible visitations, child support and even alimony.... (if that is an issue). Sit him down and talk about it when the children go to sleep. That way you two can talk and discuss it, pro's and con's.
2006-07-18 23:06:26 · answer #3 · answered by apryl2rayne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you two need to put your heads together and talk. that's the only way you can really resolve this. ask him if his views on marriage have changed, and if they have, asked why/how. what made marriage look so... appealing too him all of a sudden.
let him explain why he DOES want to marry you now, and then you share your thoughts. you never know, maybe his reasons for his mind-change will change your mind as well. but if it doesn't, tell him how you feel. let him know you're still not interested in the whole marriage idea. that you love him more and more every day, and that marrying each other doesn't "prove" it in your eyes. try to make him understand where you're coming from as well-- but just remember to not BUTT heads during this conversation, just put them together and TALK.
you never know, maybe the saying "third time's the charm" has worn out-- and has become the fourth. just give him a shot, like he's doing for you. i hope this helped you! good luck sweetie!!! all the best!
2006-07-18 18:41:21 · answer #4 · answered by jetters007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not exactly great in sticking in your marriages and neither is he. Time to examine your life and what you've been doing wrong--because your exes will just grow in number. Don't you think there's a pattern you're repeating when you've been married 3x and none of them have been successful? Maybe you jump into marriage too soon, just because you are desperate to be with someone.
My advice is sort out your life first before you think of marrying again. Don't make your kids suffer by increasing the number of mistakes you make. Take one thing at a time. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, not an addiction.
2006-07-18 19:37:25 · answer #5 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First os all both of you should be in agreement about it. Especially before letting your kids know. Next, the kids should be told and their opinions heard. This will affect them as well. Love, and especially marriage, is a two way street. A relationship is not Burger King. You can't always have it your way. It is about compromise as well as commitment. It seems as though a nice, long talk is in order here. To allow it to loom in the shadows while he keeps telling his kids it will happen is way too damaging to everyone all the way around. Good luck to you all in this endeavor.
2006-07-18 18:43:51 · answer #6 · answered by The Good Humor Man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that assumming you are mid 30's and have already been married 3 times - its time to put on those brakes!! Are you dragging your kids through all these different relationships too? Do not get married again. Men put women off all the time, drag things out - just do that to him - if he asks with a ring, etc. - tell him you'll think about it. (and do for a LONG, LONG time)
2006-07-18 18:39:59 · answer #7 · answered by aka Astra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well why not? If you plan on spending the rest of your life with him, then why not take it to the next step. Or instead of doing the whole wedding thing, just get married by the courts. It would be the right thing to do. He is probally just tired of calling you his partner rather than calling you his "wife". Good Luck
2006-07-18 18:39:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to get married again...however, you should be in a relationship with someone that feels the way you do about it, since it is such a major thing.
2006-07-18 18:53:30 · answer #9 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK, IF you would read it again, THAT SHE does not want to get married again. DONT SKIM.....READ....Divorce happens...for all reasons...
Take your time.....make your own choice...either he can deal with it or not
2006-07-18 21:54:46 · answer #10 · answered by wondering about this 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋