I know he will make a good husband and father and he is a good provider. I should just accept that I cannot have everything.
2006-07-18 11:30:47 · 35 answers · asked by consigliere 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Love and attraction can be different and the same. And I think love is more important. If you believe he will be a great husband and provider, I think you should marry him. At the same time, if you have doubts about marrying him because you are unsure about being attracted to him, then put the wedding off.
Also, I think attraction can develop over time. And your concern about that may dissipate the longer you're married to him.
It's admirable that you have grown this far in your relationship with him despite the fact you don't feel attracted to him. I think if you've been able to look past the attraction part of your relationship all this time, you shouldn't have too much trouble in your marriage. It seems your faith in him outweighs the lack of attraction.
2006-07-18 11:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by Drowningbluestars 4 · 27⤊ 6⤋
Men get married because they want to have the kind of life men in porn films have but without all the tedious hassles of having to pay for it, or mess around with singles bars, and having to chase down women. Too often ppl. enter into a marriage not knowing what it's about, and the man soon finds that things aren't turning out the way he just assumed they would, and the divorce rate ends up at 51%.
Happy, long married couples don't have "date nights". Sex is a part of their lives, not something they plan to do on the holidays. If ppl. didn't have needs, why would they bother getting married at all? It can't just be about sex, right, but sex is the reason it exists. Mature people make children and a live together a way of integrating those animal impulses into an intelligent human life. It seems as though we evolved to be this way, since it is the best way to avoid std's, which can be a killer, or worse.
Of course, if you're just a ditz, none of this is making a dent, or you're interpreting in some weird ditzy way.
2006-07-18 11:41:31 · answer #2 · answered by Vosh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds strange. Only you know the answer, we certainly have not a clue. What comes to mind is this... I dislike salmon, but if I'm hungry enough, I will eat it. Would I eat it forever? I guess I would if there were nothing else to eat. I am not attracted to salmon, However, it does provide great nutrition and sustenance. It provides many nutrients.
I can't tell you what to do with your life. I've got my own issues.
Your question is too perplexing. Think about the feelings of your mate, talk about it to him. If he's accepting those conditions- then go for it. To me, it seems like a happy ending will not be.
2006-07-18 11:32:33 · answer #3 · answered by ••Mott•• 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't attracted to him, then you love him as a friend or father who provides for you. The marriage won't last, because you'll want to have some hot sex one day, and you won't want it with him, so you will stray, then after you get away with it a few times, you'll get careless, then there will be a nasty divorce, and you'll be doing mental damage to any kids you might have in the mean time, and to the man who has provided for you all that time. You will feel so guilty the rest of your life, and will look 70 when you are only 40. FORGET IT, be his friend, not a sneaky liar who won't be honest with the man that obviousy cherishes you. Hurt him now, or DESTROY him, and kids, later.
2006-07-18 11:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being attracted to someone is very important. He can be a good provider and father, but if you don't feel love toward him or are not attracted to him, you will end up leaving him.
I made that mistake. But, mine was practically arranged and we dont' get choices. Either take your time and figure it out or leave. Don't get married and then regret. There will more heartbreak and many more people and the law involved.
2006-07-18 11:37:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For myself, I couldn't marry a man that I was not deeply attracted to. That said, I married a man that I was very attracted to and because he didn't have the other attributes you mentioned, we divorced 12 years and 2 children later. "Chemistry" is something that can't be defined or manufactured; it's either there or it isn't. I doubt that will change when you marry him. I guess the answer depends on how important sex appeal is to you. Not all women care about it as much as I do, but I think most do. Good luck with this difficult decison.
2006-07-18 12:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accepting that you cannot have everything, yes accept that. Its true. Don't marry somebody that you are not attracted to. Its evil, and you would pay for it with the bad karma you would get. Most marriages end anyway even when the people do love each other to start with. Don't start with a bad one out of economic need or whatever.
2006-07-18 11:34:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
huh...no!
Seriously...just because is stable and would make a good provider does not mean he will be a good husband! Those are the wrong reasons to get married.
You are entitled to wanting everything! It's your marriage...and thus your life!
How long have you felt this way? I would serious recommend you see a marriage therapist. He/she will help you and your fiance resolve any questions or concerns you might have about your impending wedding.
Trust me..it's better to be careful now than make the biggest mistake of your life!
Good luck!
2006-07-18 11:34:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like trouble in the future. Only you know if you can be faithful in the marriage. Will love take care of the need to be attracted. And what happens if down the road you find a man that you are attracted to? If you are sure that you can stay faithful then go for it.
2006-07-18 11:38:35 · answer #9 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not attracted to him for god's sake don't marry him. I wasn't attracted to my husband when we got married and we were divorced 16 months after we were married. It got to the point that if he came near me I wanted to physically harm him. I hooked up with they poor good looking guy that I can't keep my hands off of. I would rather have to work and maybe struggle at times than not have a good relationship with my husband.
2006-07-18 11:42:44 · answer #10 · answered by pieceomind4me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great that he will make a good husband and father.If you're not attracted to him, you're not attracted to him. Don't marry him.
How can you love your fiancee but not be attracted to him?
2006-07-18 12:09:23 · answer #11 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋