FOR MEN & WOMEN: Married or in a serious relationship?

Question

My husband thinks that working hard and long hours to provide us a better life is what I want. But I don't agree, just having enough to get by and some to put in savings is enough for me. I work too but normal hours. I want to know how many women out there would rather have a comfortable life but rarely see their husbands/boyfriends or would they rather make enough and spend more time with their men?

Men, do you think that is what women want? With the rate of divorce nowadays, is it lack of communication vs 'long distance' relationship. Meaning two people rarely see each other due to conflicting work schedules?

This is not really a big issue in my new marriage. I have been with my husband for almost 7 years, married for almost 1 year. I just wanted feedback from other women who might feel the same way as me. Overall, men and women have very different views about money to begin with.

Answer 1

The problem is much more complicated than the black and white picture that you paint.

It is inbred in men to take care of their family to the best of their ability. Working long hours is not only part of that but if the job is that demanding he no doubt loves his work. And the idea of providing well for his family and enjoy the work at the same time is very hard to give up. If he had to cut back he more than likely would have to work elsewhere and have a less demanding job. To him it would be like he just retired. Yes he would get to see you more and would love that but he may feel sidelined.

I have no doubt he loves you very much. If he didn't you would know that. But work for men means a lot to them. For some of us it is very hard not to be totally involved with what we do.

The answer to your final question is yes most men do believe that is exactly what women want. And their very self esteem may be effected by their ability to give her the good life regardless of not being able to spend more time with them. Hard to understand I know but it is true.

And the younger we are the more we deceive ourselves that this is good. But there will come a time he will regret it very much. I do, for I lost my first wife pretty much for this reason becasue over the years I could not hear her.

Make him understand no matter what it takes. Change his prorities and he will come back.

Answer 2

Alot of people seem to think getting ahead in life is the most important thing and they lose sight of what really is important. The reason I say people is that this goes for men as well as women. When the people who put all their time and effort into work come to the end of their lives they will wish they had more time to spend with the most important part of life and that is the family and love ones. Too many people do not understand that a man or a women need not get every thing for their spouse but should look at getting what they really need and then spending time while still in good health with their loved ones.

Answer 3

It's not that simple--what's good for the relationship? That includes planning for the future. My wife and I are in the same boat right now because I'm remodeling a house to sell and I'm working evening and weekends on it for the better part of a year doing it. But we're probably a bit older than you and your husband and have a little different point of view. It's not about what she wants or what I want--that's kind of self-centered. It's all about where we both want to be in the future, and that means we have to sacrifice right now. We miss each other a lot, and it sucks, and we talk about it, but we both feel good about where we're going. Sounds like you two need a plan about where you're headed. If you don't have a plan, what you're going through right now could go on forever.

Answer 4

My husband works 3rd shift and 10-15 hours each day, 4-5 days a week....we rarely see each other for long during the week. I would MUCH rather see him more than have more money. But, he doesn't do it because he chooses to, he does it because that's the job he has.

Answer 5

SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR MATE !!!!!!!! Money is great, but if you don't have someone to spend it with, and take the time to do it, what is the point ???? Communication is KEY to the survival of a relationship. Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans........I lost my husband of 22 years to cancer, 16 months ago. DO NOT PUT OFF TIL TOMORROW
WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY !!!!! Nobody can guess what is waiting for them, or the ones they love, just around the corner. My husband and I were supposed to grow old and gray together. Now I get to do it on my own. Spend your money, but spend time with the ones you love first.

Answer 6

I would rather have enough to pay the bill and have lots of time with my husband. What good is it for him to work all the time and not have any time to spend the money I would much rather have no money but the love of my life beside me at all times.

Answer 7

I am with you, this is the biggest argument in my home on a daily basis.... Whenever I bring this issue to the table, I am told that "HE WAS NOT PUT HERE ON EARTH TO BE JUST AN EVERYDAY AVERAGE JOE", then all hell breaks loose in my house. Because I do not value money it is just materialistic in my opinion. I would much rather have a man that wants to come home every night and see me and cook with me and eat dinner with me and be a REAL family.. That is how I was raised, I have come to find out that my hubby was obviously not raised that way. We were very RUSHed into our marriage.. Now he is getting a job that pays more and he will be gone even more. I HATE IT!!!! But this is what HE wants to do... What do you take on my situation... hmmm??????

Answer 8

Personally, I've learned that a woman loves financial security, but time with her husband is most important. Having a little more than enough to get by is ok as long as she gets to see her husband. What's the point of all that money and no one to share it with?

Answer 9

I would MUCH rather my husband is around more, with just enough funds to be comfortable. If we have the bills paid, groceries in the kitchen, and some money to save and to go out some weekends, I'm fine.

Answer 10

I've been married for 13 years and my husband has always been a hard worker. After all this time , I would trade everything I have to have had him home more and have a better marriage. We have drifted apart now and I feel like we're just roommates.