Best Joke You can think of...Could use a good laugh?

Question

DAMN!! EVEN A JOKE QUESTION GETS YOU RUDE ANSWERS...SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN THE LAST DAY AND I SIMPLY ASK FOR A SMILE WITH SOME GOOD JOKES AND PEOPLE STILL NEED TO SAY GET A LIFE...SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST EVIL...I DON'T GET IT

Answer 1

Here's 2 jokes for you.... :)

Pharmacist Phun

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
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Who's the Boss?

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

Answer 2

okay...it's not the best but w/e
so there's this 100 story building, and these 2 men are at a bar on the 99th floor. One man turns to the other and says "You know, if you jumped out of that window, the wind speed at the 50th floor would be enough that you'd stop falling and you would fly into a window and could come back up here alive." the other guy's like "no way, that's not possible." so the first guy says "oh yeah, i'll show you."
so he jumps out the window... and in a minute or two he appears from the elevator, completely unharmed.
"I still don't believe you, that was just a fluke." Says the second man. "Well then i'll do it again." Says the first man.
so again he jumps out the window and again in a few minutes he's back up at the bar, completely healthy and normal.
"Fine," says the second guy. "I believe you now." so he jumps out the window. he's falling, falling, reaches the 50th floor and keeps falling until he lands SPLAT on the ground, instantly dead.
the first man is watching from the window and when he sees the second guy hit the ground he sits back down at the bar and the bartender says "You're a real jerk when you drink, Superman."

Answer 3

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it?

Nobody.

The first four don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper


That 1 is soo funny!

Answer 4

Here are two jokes that I cannot take credit for, but I hope you like.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?



A gummy bear!!!! (Ha Ha Ha)

What's the difference between Brussel spouts and boogers?







Kids don't eat Brussel Sprouts!!!

Answer 5

Cartwheeling for Cash

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."

''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

Answer 6

A short and skinny guy walks into an elevator with a huge, buff guy. The little guy stares in awe at the huge guy and the huge guy says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 in. penis, testicles 3lbs. each, Turner Brown." Then the little guy faints. The big guy shakes him and wakes him up. Then the little guy asks him what he said. "I said what everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I'm 350 lbs., my penis is 20 in., my testicles are 3 lbs. each, and my name is Turner Brown." Then the little guy says, " Oh thank God! I thought you said TURN AROUND!"

Answer 7

A blonde sits down in the dentists chair, and he asks her to remove her headphones from her i-pod so he can work on her teeth. She tells him that she can't, because if she does, she'll die. The dentist promises her she won't die, and finally he convinces her to remove the headphones. He begins to examine her teeth, and 5 minutes later she is dead. The dentist is perplexed. He puts the headphones on an hears, "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."

Answer 8

go to ebaumsworld.com or bored.com or search jokes on google and if that doesn't help then u need a life!!

Answer 9

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

Answer 10

two lesbians and two gay guys raced to San Francisco...who won??

email me for the answer so i don't ruin it for others