how do you tell someone you dont want to be their mate anymore?

Question

i am in my late stages of pregnancy,i stopped smoking,drinking,anything that would harm the baby really.my mate,who ive been mates with for about 9 years,is also pregnant(4 months)shes sniffing,smoking fags and weed,drinking.everytime she rings me or comes round,shes on a different level.i dont like what shes doing now she is pregnant,ive tried telling her to stop,but she dont listen.shes being v.selfish and i dont like her anymore.ive tried not answering the phone to her,but she keeps ringing,and coming round.i also dont want her around my son when hes born next month-what can i do??

Answer 1

You need to be honest with her and tell her that although you've been friends for years, her lifestyle is no longer acceptable to you because you are pregnant and you don't want your child exposed to it either after s/he is born...you may have to block her phone number or change yours to get away from the calls, but just be straight up and then stop taking her calls or her visits...

Bravo you for doing what's best for you and your soon-to-be-child...hopefully your friend will wake up before it's too late and make those changes for herself and her offspring...

Answer 2

You are doing the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh my god! I applaud you for caring more for your child than for partying and buddies or otherwise!!! You'll just have to be completely honest, no matter how you tell her--on the phone, in a letter, or in person--that pregnancy and becoming a mother is changing you--your values and your priorities--and that you don't agree with the choices she is making for herself and her child. You should make it known that that is NOT the kind of behavior you want to teach your child, and because of that, you have decided you don't want to be with her anymore. She may promise to stop, but if she won't do it for her baby, she won't do it for you either. If she does it'll be temporary. If she won't take the hint or outright but kind rejection, then you should feel completely o.k. if you have to resort to calling the police and/or getting a restraining order! Sometimes, when people have been together a long time, it can be hard for the other person to really get the idea that you're not with them anymore. I applaud you! I support you! I am proud! Good luck!

Answer 3

Have you tried getting her some help? Is she seeing a doctor at all? You have to let her know that you don't share her habits and being around her when she does those things to herself and her baby is harming your friendship . Even smelling her clothes and her breath can be bad for your health if you are around her. She is no good for you right now, unless she changes. If she has the baby and changes her ways then you can talk about your friendship again, but let her know that you are choosing to live right and don't want to compromise the health of your baby and cant see why she is to hers.

Terrible thing...she should not be allowed to do that...terrible. Be strong and congratulations on your baby boy.

Answer 4

This is a difficult one because you obviously don't want to upset her.
I had a friend who was my mate from school. i had a really horrible break up from my boyfriend which devastated me, she then decided to sleep with him! Although she asked me first and i said do what you like, i was really upset with her.
Firstly i ignored her messages and calls and pretended i weren't in when she came round and she eventually stopped. But i then saw her out clubbing and she asked why i was ignoring her, so i told her and she thanked me for being honest and said she understood!
Perhaps your mate won't be so understanding but you could try telling her that now you're going to be a mom you don't want to do the things you used to do and your main priority is your child, when your baby is born you have a perfect excuse not to see her as much, as you can say you're too busy!
Good luck it may be tough!

Answer 5

Let her know that u do not approve of her behavior 2wards her unborn child and u will not b associated with any1 that selfish and rootless 2 her own flesh n blood so u would appreciate if she either change her lifestlyle r stay away from u.I know how much u must care about her but u have 2 care about urself n ur family also and obviously she doesn't care about any1 but herself.

Answer 6

Say you have moved into a different space in your life. You may have to get harsh and say where she is no longer welcome!

Try again with not answering the phone etc or being relaly uninterested in her if she does come round so she in fact will dump you lol.

Answer 7

Try saying...."its been a great 9 years but I'm going to concentrate on my baby now," Bye

Answer 8

Just tell her: there´s a priority in my life now: my baby.
and that you will focus on provide him or her all your attention, and you don´t want to be interrupted, but also ask her if she needs assistance, probably she fells alone or nervous.

Answer 9

what i would do:

tell her you dont agree with her lifestyle and that you have worked hard to change your own for the sake of yer babe coming. It's not appreciated that she keeps bringing it back into your life, and now you are interested in a life that is clean and safe for your baby.

Thanks for the friendship, and I'll always remember the past nine years.. blah blah.. goodbye!

Answer 10

It's really good that you quit.Open a book and let her read how she can harm her baby.If you don't wanna be mates with her let her down gently and just tell her that it's not gonna work.