Once someone has cheated on you, have you ever regained the trust?

Question

I have never gone back out with someone who has cheated because I feel I wouldnt be able to trust them and I would hate to be jealous for the remainder of a relationship.. have you ever gotten past it, and if so, what did you do to get past it?

Im posting this in the marriage and divorce section because I want older and experienced answers.

i dont know if anyone ever comes back to the questions they've answered, but if you have, and are reading this..

I have a 5 yo daughter with the man, I guess Im not "older", Im 28, and this happened four years ago. I did leave him, but I went back a half year later and about two months ago Ive left for good.. or at least to be single for a year or more..

I just never trusted him, and was wondering if it IS my thing that I havent got past or if it's valid that I still just dont trust him.

I didnt think I would trust him after that, and for that, I KNOW I would never have gotten over it. If you think youre deemed to fail, then for sure, you will. I wouldnt say I "failed", but rather, smartened up.

Answer 1

You cant get past it... You can forgive , but you will never forget. The relationship is never the same again. I have been cheated on and got divorced. I would never ever be able to look at him the same or love him the same way. The betrayal is the worst of the whole thing. I think each person is different , I mean to me if it had been just sex maybe I could have gotten past it and worked it out, but it was a emotional relationship he was having and I felt that was the ultimate betrayal because he should have been sharing things with me not the other woman. It always felt like I could do nothing right and that he resented that he had to come home to be with his wife and kids... I don't think anyone ever completely gets over it and the pain is immense and it has been 5 yrs and I am remarried, but I still remember the pain and hope it never happens again...

Answer 2

It is extremely hard to get over someone cheating on you, but depending on how much the cheater is committed to making the relationship work and as well as you will be the problem. Some people have a big enough heart & willingness to forgive, where most don't. You need to figure out which of the 2 you are. One incident of cheating does not always mean that it will happen again...some figure out after the fact that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I would advise that if the person has a history of cheating on anyone and/or multiple times...you need to walk away from the relationship as fast as possible. If the parents were or are cheaters, chances are it is ingrained in them that their happiness is more important than looking at a committed relationship as something that is precious and takes time, effort & growth on both parties to succeed.
Can you forgive? YES, but don't expect it over night and don't expect it not to change the dynamics of your relationship. You will forever wonder where and what the cheater is up to the very moment they are late or talking to another of the opposite sex. BUT if the cheater is committed to earning your trust back, they will fully understand your reservations and will allow you the latitude to mistrust and time for you to make steps towards forgiveness...just don't go over board and/or take advantage of the situation....if you never feel like you are gaining ground on trusting that person with each passing month, then you need to cut them loose and allow yourself the ability to find the one that is meant for you.
Remember we all make mistakes in life and live to regret them. Temptation is every where, you just need to figure out if its even in that person to ever be committed to you or any one for that matter.
And most of all, pray about it and ask God for guidance on all and every decision that you make...your life will go so much more smoothly when you allow God to bring you the "right one" <><

Answer 3

It is easy for people to say "oh, leave him!" but unless you have been betrayed by the one you love, it is impossible to know what the right way to react is. My husband has never cheated, but he did betray my trust very recently, and although I wanted to be strong and stand up for what I believed in and leave him... the thought of not having him in my life was so overwhelmingly painful that I had to give him another chance.

I don't believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Men will make mistakes, some of them hard to forgive. But if you both truly love eachother and are committed to making the relationship work then I say give it another go. Personally, my husband gets only one more chance. I will not stick around and be played for a fool. If he screws up again, I am gone.

Answer 4

I could never feel for someone the same after they've cheated on me no matter what. I guess the way you look at life and the other person is different. You seem to have rose colored glasses on and think the person is so perfect and loves only you then when you find out they've cheated on you...the glasses fall off and you see life as it truly is and the other person for who they truly are. Life is not always fair and men aren't always true. Even men who have been married for years and seem to be truly in love, may cheat. If he cheated on you...then let it go. There are other men out there. You saw the true "him" and it wasn't nice. Move on and good luck!

Answer 5

This can be so complicating. You have to trust your heart with this. Are you able to not only forgive him, but forget about it, too? If you can't, then you are right, you will never get past it. The other thing is, you are only dating him. More than likely, he is showing is "true colors" and he'll do it again and again and again. You seem to be a person that knows herself pretty well - "I would hate to be jealous" - Because of this, just keep doing what you know is best for you.

Answer 6

Well I'm not "older," I'm only 29, but I would have to say no. Once someone cheats on you it's pretty hard to trust them ever again and the way you act towards that person is completely different once its happened.

Answer 7

You did the right thing (aren't you happy you found out what kind of a person he was before you married him!). Once a cheat, always a cheat. Anyone who says they have gotten past it, convinced themselves it never happened or has such low self-esteem they think this is the only kind of person who would ever want them.

Answer 8

No. You can never regain the trust every again. The moment you feel betrayed, you will feel resentment and insecurity creeps in. Plus, it's not worth it. A cheater will always cheat.

Answer 9

I have been cheated on, but still i took him back, i still havent forgave him, i cant forget it, it plays in my head all the time, but i am trying to do, or maybe i just cant do it.i dont trust him eventually when the time comes again for him to do it i am gone for good, not going to take him back, see i let him get away with things, and now hes taking advantage of it. thats my fault for letting him.

Answer 10

I had a boyfriend that cheated. When I found out I packed my things and moved. He never saw or heard from me again. Last time I heard anything about him he was asking my family and friends what happened to me, where did I go. They told him they don't know anything about it. I don't know what ever happened to him after that and don't care. All I know was that I wasn't about to put up with that crap.