Should I tell my mom that I am gay?

Question

My mom is always telling me that I should dress more girly so people will not think I am gay. When I do buy boy clothes she always yells at me. I am about to go to college and she was responsible for all of my scholarship money. I don't really want to go to the school I am going to so she is going to pay for my college next year when I go out of state. I want to tell her that I am gay so she will let me just be who I am but I am afraid that she might not pay for college. What should I do?

She is the only person who is going to pay for my college. I really need to go to college.

Answer 1

Tell her the truth now. At worst you get the fight out of the way early and have to find an alternate method to pay for college. Now you have time, later you won't.

Besides, she might surprise you. Sometimes parents do that. I wouldn't count on it, but it could happen. Anyway, she will be more hurt if you lie than if you are honest. Just try to do it gently, be nice about it and don't get defensive. It is your life, live it your way. You can't live for someone else, even your mom. :)

Answer 2

I know exactly what you mean. I am about to start my senior year of high school and I have no idea how I'll go another school year without just coming out and telling my mom that everything she's always been afraid of is true. I'm choosing the slightly unethical route, which is attempting to maintain my silence until I'm all through with college before I tell her - of course, there are always other ways to pay for college (loans, etc.) but up-front is not going to haunt you for years like Sallie Mae will.
Personally, I say that if there's money dependent on it, silence is your best option. But if you feel very strongly that she should know, than by all means tell her, because she probably will not take it quite as hard as yuo think if you go about coming out gently and really communicating with her.
Have a pleasant day!

Answer 3

It's very a tough decission.
You run the risk of your mother cutting you out of her life/ disowning you. Or her sending you to some shrink because she thinks you have some disorder. Or she'll simply not believe you and tell you you're just going through some phase.

Or, she could actually be very understanding and accepting and supportive.

My mom shocked me when I came out. I thought for sure she'd be really negitive about it, call me all sorts of names, be really angry...but she wasn't any of those things.
She was really supportive and accepting. That really blew me away.

If you're concerned ask her next time she says something like "people will think you're gay" if that would be a problem for her to accept.
You could also try buying the book by Betty Degeneres: "Love, Ellen." About her daughter and how she came out to Betty. It's a bit sappy, but could help soften the blow.
Leave the book somewhere your mom will find it and in the back of the book put a letter telling her you love her and that you are gay.


Your Mom's problem may not be so much that you're gay, but simply in how you dress. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you have to reject your gender entirely.
A lesson that took a while for it to sink in for me. But I've learned to accept myself and be comfortable with myself. I like to look good, no matter what. So I'm quite happy wearing more "girly" clothes, but you still can't pay me to wear a dress.
I'll do my hair, wear make-up if the occassion calls for it, but I really dislike dresses. The ONLY time I'm caught in one is as a costume for Renaissance Faires.
Other than that...forget it. I hate stockings/pantyhose most of all.

Answer 4

i imagine so that you could placed distinctive concept into this before you go back out on your Mum. i'm no longer putting forward do not do it, yet there are some realities you should think about first. Do you stay including her? Are you financially depending on her? - some mum and dad can not settle for that their toddlers are gay, and may even kick them out of living house or reduce off any monetary help in an attempt to apply "demanding love". you should guard your safe practices and needs first, and look after and foodstuff are truly needs. per chance evaluate in case you should stay with a sibling or chum if she does take it badly. have you ever come out to absolutely everyone else? - it may well be an effective concept firstly someone that you understand will be supportive of you, in case some thing is going incorrect, or a minimum of to artwork up some self belief. Do you've ideas for her? - it may well be good to have aspects for her, like the determination for an section PFLAG crew or a supportive counsellor that you understand in the previous isn't homophobic. you pick to be properly prepared to tutor to her that you're not from now on 'ill', 'dealing with somewhat' or 'making a decision to be gay'. You do look very mature on your age, yet that does no longer mean you should deliberately hunt down a tricky challenge. If, when you imagine about issues, it type of sounds like your safe practices or psychological surroundings may be too adversely plagued by technique of popping out purely now, there is actual no problem with waiting till a better physically powerful time and challenge comes alongside.

Answer 5

She is your mom and desrves to know the truth. I don't think it's healthy for you to keep it all bottled up. If you are unsure about her reaction, ask a family friend or relative that both of you are close to and that would be understanding of the situation to be there when you tell your mother. My brother is gay and he came out first to me. When it came time to tell my parents, he asked me to be there with him. He did it over dinner after my parents had had a glass of wine...hoping I guess that they would be as relaxed as possible!
lol... I can't say my parents were very happy when they found out, but it was a lot better than we expected.
Eventually your mom is going to find out and I honestly think that she might be hurt if she finds out later rather than sooner. No matter what happens, you are her daughter and she is your mother. She might not like it but then again she might be really understanding! If she doesn't want to pay for your college, you have to respect her feelings, but at least you won't have to hide who you are anymore. Also...I paid for my own college without my parents help. It wasn't easy but it wasn't impossible either!

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

Yes, I think you should.
I think nearly all moms would like to know their going to have grandchildren, and she may be disappointed in that respect.
On the other hand most moms want their children to have peace of mind. So once she figures out that you will be happier and more at ease she will probably accept you being gay.
I never did tell my mother, I was so repressed that I couldn't even come out to myself. It's something I greatly regret not doing, because I'm sure she would have understood.

Augusta

Answer 7

Sometimes I think it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, etc.

But you know what? Much better she hear it from you than find out some other way. Check out some of the coming out resources at the Human Rights Campaign for help and then go for it. If she cuts you off for college, maybe it'll only be until she gets over it. But if she hears it from a stranger or somebody she meets outside, you're cutting her off, and that's worse.

See the link to HRC below.

Answer 8

Maybe not. College is expensive! But she probably knows already and that is why she gets so upset about your clothes. She is upset you either haven't told her or you are so oblivious to fashion that you send the wrong signals. She may be giving you an opening to talk about being gay, but thinks you are just a bad dresser when you don't take it. She cares for you and is confused and hurt by your actions. Parents are wierd.

Answer 9

Well, I know this will sound bad...but, if you're going away, why in the world would you tell her? Just wait until she pays for college, it's not like she will be in your dorm with you! She won't see who you date, so don't tell her...just wait. When you go home on holidays, just pretend. It could be hard, but also think about your future. She doesn't have to know, yet.

Best of luck...

Answer 10

chances are if she's making subtle hints at your sexuality (i.e. the clothing thing) she probably already has suspicions of her own. It's best to come clean about it with her. She's your mother, and speaking as a mother NOTHING could make me not love my children anymore. IF she does refuse to pay for your college- there are student loans and grants to help you. Thousands of people get through college without assistance from their parents and you can too.