i wanna laugh please some one tell a joke!?

Question

and not your face! ha ha aha

Answer 1

Michael Jackson is straight.

Answer 2

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says shes going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The banks president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The blonde replies, Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?
Finally, a smart blonde joke. ;-)

Answer 3

A wealthy elderly lady was being given a tour of a hospital that she donated a lot of money to. As the doctor was walking her down the hall they came to a door. The woman looked in and saw an old man masturbating furiously. Oh my she said, why would you let him do that. The doctor replied, he has a rare disease. His testicles fill up 5 times a day and he has to do it. Oh, well I guess that's okay said the woman. They came to another room where a beautiful nurse was giving an old man a bl-ow job. Now , there's no excuse for that said the woman. The doctor replied , oh it's the same disease, he just has a better health plan.

Answer 4

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every
time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the
light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She
figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night,
while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session,
she turned on the lights. She looked down. and saw her husband was
holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft,
wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She
screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You
better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:"I'll
explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

Answer 5

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of your vehicle is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


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Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk!

Answer 6

Here's one I got in my e-mail today, called Sick Leave:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not
allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then
he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from
the ceiling and made funny noises. My coworker (who’s blonde) asked me
what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb
so
that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off. A
few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked “What are you

doing ?” I told him I was a light bulb. He said “You are clearly
stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days. “ I jumped
down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the blonde)
followed me, the Boss said to her, “ And where do you think you’re
going?”

(You’re going to love this..... )


She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark!”

Answer 7

Bruce Springsteen

Answer 8

The Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy
said, "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping,
dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook,
stayed skinny and farted whenever she wanted.

The end.

Answer 9

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

Answer 10

Lunch on Mastercard $8.00
Afternoon tea with freinds from the office $5.00
Playing around with your wife and getting the stuff needed before $70.00
Finding out that you got her pregnant and you are only 15, and shes 23
Priceless!!!

Answer 11

There was a fisherman who had a child. And the child only wieghed 1 lb at birth. When he told the other fisheman about his new baby one fisherman said " well you went fishing and barely got your bait back!"