We have been married for 7yrs. Our sex life sucks! His idea of foreplay is telling me to take my panties off. The only way I get an orgasm is if I do it myself. When I talk to him about it he tells me if I showed more interest in having sex with him, he'd make sure I was taken care of. I tried that and it didn't work. And I don't have any interest in having sex with him b/c it's always terrible. He pays no attention to me and the whole session may last 10 minutes (& that's stretching it). What can I do? It's as if he truly doesn't care about my needs??
2006-07-18 09:02:25 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have toys, but they're not like the real thing and they get old after awhile.
2006-07-18 09:11:31 · update #1
I've thought about bringing another woman in, but I think it would probably upset me to see him doing her when he can't do me right!
2006-07-18 09:12:21 · update #2
I went thru the same situation you are going thru now, and it sucked. I was getting it about 1 every 2 months and i was in my best shape ever, I had many men asking me out and sending me flowers, i even had a good looking guy take me lunch everyday and he knew i was married and never even told him i was having problems in my marriage. My husband knew about all this and he would tell me he didn't care. I would tell him that if he didn't shape up i would end up cheating on him and he told me to go right ahead, One night i dressed up very provocative, and when he asked where i was going i told him with a guy friend and he said OK just don't be too late. I ended up cheating on him because i was starved for love, sex, & friendship, i felt so bad i told him I was cheating after a week. He got so mad, he was furious, this ended our marriage and we were separated for two years. We had been married for 4 years before we got separated and after been separated for 2 years he came back to me, he was deeply sorry i could tell and we gave it another chance. We have been married again for 3 years and i can promise you we have had sex at least 5 times a week if not every day. He is a completely changed person in every aspect. He loves me like nobody ever did before. I think separation was the best thing we did because he got to do what he wanted, and so did i. Fortunately he found out that grass is not greener on the other side and now he values me very, very , much, and i am not in so good shape physically like i used to be, Yaaakkkkes some men are funny. I am sorry you are going thru this it is awful believe me i understand you, If you ever need a friend who understand exactly what you are going thru e-mail me @ laforever_22@yahoo.com.
P.S. By the way i don't know if you have any kids but we did we had two when we got separated which only made things worse. Now we have another baby and unfortunately just had a miscarriage. You see things can get better for you.
God bless you:)
2006-07-18 12:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by ange!s26 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Ok. He's dead. I can tell you that. You're gonna need some resuscitation tools. First, have a candlelit bath waiting for him.
Dust off your lingeries, and find one to put on. Put a note on top of his garments that say you are waiting for him in the bedroom. I'm sure you can come up with some good words. Have the bedroom lit up with candles. Lay across the bed. Wait for him.
But yo gotta have a fruit tray as well. Feed him fruits. Get him into the spirit. Afterward, give him a massage. Whisper sweet-nothings in his ear. Tell him you love him, and it's a blessing to have him in your life. Tell him that he is your King and you are his Queen. Tell him that he is your one and only, and he is the blood that runs through your veins. Then put it on him. Maybe give him a little oral teaser. I don't know how you feel about that, but that's your husband, right? After you're done putting it on him, hold him in your lap, and ask him if he enjoyed it. Let him know that you enjoyed it, and wish to have many many more nights like that.
At this point, it's not about blame. It's about being the bigger person to get things the way they were or where you want them.
Good luck!!
2006-07-18 09:19:37 · answer #2 · answered by L Jeezy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband is being totally inconsiderate. You need to try talking to him again, and if he does not listen, take action. I know you probably do not want to leave him, but you cannot go on like this forever. One of you is going to end up cheating if you have no passion or sex between the two of you. Have you ever sat down and wrote him a letter explaining the way you feel, what you are tired of, the things you have tried, and what you need from him. Sometimes when you try talking to someone you forget what you want to say, if its in a letter, he will most probably read the whole thing and hopefully understand. If not, you need to walk away or stop having sex with him all together, and he will realize what he is losing. You cannot just keep letting him use you!!! Good Luck!
2006-07-18 09:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by LA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alot of guys are that way but some do find a little time to care and take care of there wife. But I am not sure what hes looking for about more interest cuz you seem to be pretty willing. maybe he means sexy lingerie doing something different etc. I also use my toys which he don't know about. But I know what you mean about it getting boring nothing but the real thing. Maybe go all out and tell him you love him and you would like him to make more of a effort to take care of you. If you give oral and he don't return the favor maybe saying no more oral for you till you get a O.
2006-07-18 09:32:05 · answer #4 · answered by wildrose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try rotating. One way his night, but then you get to plan the next time. This has worked well for us, since I am a typical man, and foreplay is me yelling, "Brace Yourself". But on the nights when it 's her turn, there are candles, and music, and massage, etc. I have found that after a while of "Having" to do this, I actually started to enjoy doing this. Good Luck
2006-07-18 10:27:19 · answer #5 · answered by Patrick N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol @ ole Whoopsie!
That's actually true. Work out...and do it HARD. Get an awesome body...that is irresistable. Also, watch porn movies, and get a taste for being dirty. Practice...so when he does have sex with you, it is something naughty and fun.
7 years will suck the sex life out of anyone without work. Lingerie won't do it...only something new, and a hot body.
PS - was sex with him EVER good? Even before you got married?
2006-07-18 09:44:53 · answer #6 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe when he says show more interest he means other than just sex
My wife does not hardly talk to me stays out of the room I'm in then wants me to just do her.
I just can't work like that. The rest of the time there has to be a bit of compassion or I don't want sex
will be waiting to hear back from you
2006-07-18 10:23:50 · answer #7 · answered by Mr nice guy 2U 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you ever thought about watching a porn to get both of you in the mood or maybe oral sex which is very satisying if done the proper way. sounds like he acts out quietly in his mind what his fantasy during sex. tell him to let you know what he gets off on, then maybe he'll be more open to satisfying you
2006-07-18 09:14:16 · answer #8 · answered by Sam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lil Jimmy would suggest losing 50 pounds and getting rid of that sheep you have stuffed in your pants. Your husband is repulsed by you and is only doing you to get his rocks off. He's probably spending his time doing some hot teen on his desk at work.
2006-07-18 09:22:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know counseling is not just for mental or physical abuse. You all can seek help for that department to help you understand one another better. If he is not willing to do this, you must get real frank with him and let him know that if things don't change on his behalf, they will on yours!
2006-07-18 09:17:37 · answer #10 · answered by M D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋