My husband believes in whippings and spankings. We have five kids, and the youngest three gets terrible whippings for even the smallest things! He is a Christian who uses the bible as his reason for using the belt and his huge hands. My 4yr old is terrified of him. We've only been married for five months, and there were no signs of this before I married him! He quotes "spare the rod, spoil the child", over and over from the bible in his way of explaining why he disiplines the way that he do. I was whipped and spanked terribly as I grew up and it just made me worse! I was out the house and pregnant when I was 16! Beating made me rebel, and soon I got immune to them. I started tolerating the pain, convincing myself that it was nothing and that I would continue to do bad. I am now a 30yr old woman who HATES and disagrees with spankings and whippings. Now I am pregnant with this mans babies, twin boys to be exact....What am I to do?
2006-07-18 07:42:37 · 10 answers · asked by candy0813 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Spankings themselves are not what I consider terrible, it is how and what manner they are done that causes concern. I encourage you to seek Biblical counseling with your husband now. There is nothing wrong with having a difference of opinions when it comes to discipline and these issues need to be dealt with immediately. For example, I think a spanking should be the last resort in discipline when all else has failed. And then, spanking a child more than 2 or 3 swats is only feeding your anger, and not really showing the child the discipline at all. Please go to your pastor right away and share your concerns. I pray this will all work out for you and your family.
2006-07-18 07:48:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get the heck out of there. If you don't have family or friends to stay with then find a shelter. No one ... woman or child deserves to live in fear! While there is sometimes reason for spanking a child there is never reason for whipping them!!
Since you were abused as a child and knows what it feels like I would think this would be a no brainer for you. Get out of there before someone is really hurt badly or worse yet killed. We are talking life here ... there shouldn't be a question in your mind what you have to do.
Pregnant or not get out and find the help you need. Find a councilor you trust and one that is good for your children as well. Start dealing with these issues now before they become too big and overwhelming.
My best to you and your children.
2006-07-18 14:52:46 · answer #2 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you were once in this situation, you are now the adult. You have the power to control it and put an end to it. If your husband likes to quote the Bible then ask him if he has "over looked" these passages : Ephesians 6:4 or Colossians 3:21. Both speak to treating your child with respect. But, in the end, it is your choice if you are willing to leave these kids in the hands of an abuser, because that is simply what he is.
2006-07-18 15:00:41 · answer #3 · answered by blondie7795 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off... husband or not... no man is going to viciously and needlessly whipp my children. I dont give a **** how long we have known each other, how long we have been married... WHATEVER.... if your child is afraid of him he has good reason. Children see things we do not. Just as you said you never saw this side of him before. He seems to be a hypocite.... quoting the bible but then doing to exact opposite. I would suggest you sitting down and talking to him. Baby.... if you 4yr old is scared of him, something is not right... take it from a mother who lost her children due to a nuttin azz confused man. Although they are now back home, they were scared and didnt trust me when they first came home.. they thought I would let someone hurt them and me again. Don't let you 4yr old grow up thinking you don't love him and won't protect him. NO ............. NO NO NO.. child should have to feel that way!
2006-07-18 14:54:02 · answer #4 · answered by Sunshine_Diva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have only been married for 5 months I would tell him not to treat your children that way. That in this day and age that is considered abuse and that you will not stand for it. You tell him of your experience and how you have always vowed to spare your children that kind of pain and that this is really important to you.
I would very seriously consider calling the police. There is nothing christian about beating a child and violent punishment should only be used as a last resort if ever at all.
Children should not have to grow up that way.
On the other hand - I believe in the mind influencing our existence and that we get what we expect in this world. I know that when I expect my husband to act like my father, he does. We don't know what to expect in a husband and father, we only know our own parents. This could be part of your own life lesson - controlling or dealing with this type of person. Now you are in charge, what do you do? You get to see it from a partner's perspective.
When my husband behaves as my father did (which is not abusive, my situation is much less critical than your) I try to use intentions, affirmations, and visualization to improve my situation. I try to very vividly visualize my husband as super helpful and loving - a real asset to the team. I try to stop myself when I think something negative about him and think something positive instead. Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life is great for helping with this: http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=267
My sister has a more difficult husband that she must handle very carefully at times. She uses light and protections for her family. For the husband she imagines him bathed in pink light - a light of kindness - trying to infuse him with a gentle energy. She also envisions herself and her kids bathed in a white light of protection (some try to see a ribbon of light from 6-12 inches above the head to 6-12 inches below the feet) to protect them from the negative energy that can be generated.
My natural father (not the adopted father I mention earlier) was very abusive to my famly when I was small and I thank my lucky stars every day that my mother had the courage to leave him when we were very young (i was 4 I think, and my mother a tender 20 years old). We (I am a twin), as children, remember being relieved that he was gone - what scared us was having to go with him on visitation days, which luckily were few and far between.
You need to be strong for you kids and sometimes be willing to put your own body in as a shield. I am so sorry for your situation - and a part of me hopes it is just your past playing out for you and that you will be able to break through that expectation and help him be a kinder gentler father. I mean, what would jesus do? I don't think jesus ever raised a hand to a woman or a child, right?
I am sorry to ramble on this way - I really hope to be of help.
Peace!
2006-07-18 15:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by carole 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Lord....you've got not only yourself, but your children in a big mess as well....you've made your bed, now you've got to sleep in it.
Just don't do it at the expense of those children.....get them out.....you know you're supposed to. Keep this up and all your children will wind up in foster care.
2006-07-19 00:38:10 · answer #6 · answered by JC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
run run as fast as u can to the police adn tell then. they will protect u and all of ur kids born n unborn. this is abuse
2006-07-18 14:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to call the cops. and child services.
2006-07-18 14:50:32 · answer #8 · answered by joey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need a good beatin.............you say you dont beat your kids.....i bet they dont respect you as much as they do your husband
2006-07-18 16:57:14 · answer #9 · answered by Massa Bruce 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
run while you still have the chance, how can he justify hurting someone you love so much
2006-07-18 14:46:26 · answer #10 · answered by little ole me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋