What should I do. He knows he has constantly lied and each time he says he won't do it again begging me to take him back, saying this time he will talk about anything because he loves me so much. 20 years I've listened to this same line.
I think what happens is he slips up and lies and then has to carry on with the lie even if I ask him 'nicely' to be honest with me.
He has accused me of not believing him and said he will leave because of this and then months, years later admitted it was a lie.
He has done this again, and is now sitting upstairs knowing he lied to me 9 days ago, and is moving out in 3 days.
I went and told him that he would rather protect the lie and suffer the conciquences (divorce), and walking out on his family, than come and be honest and sort it out.
It's always about him looking at other women by the way. He has always done this and has made me feel not wanted. He won't give anything up for his family.What should I do and who should i talk to, I've no mates
2006-07-18 07:14:34 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its impossible to 'make' someone tell you the truth....even if he does tell you the truth at this point, you won't believe him. He has always lied and will continue...I don't believe he will ever change. You can confront him one last time, however, you will get the same response from him. If I were you, I would pick myself up and move forward and that would mean without him. He has problems and yet, when he can, he will blame you for the way he is...thats not fair. In all honesty, its a form of abuse. You don't deserve to be treated like that...and after 20 years? That proves that he will NEVER change...Follow your gut feelings...you know what you should do....its easy for others to say 'move forward' but to keep your self respect and your sanity, you need to do something...and that would be 'move forward'...
2006-07-18 07:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by irishME 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Has he cheated on you? If he has then I can understand you being worried about him looking at other women. If he hasn't then you need to learn to trust him more and stop giving him a hard time over this as you'll only drive him away. Maybe the reason he lies is because he thinks you can't handle the truth and you might overreact. Explain to him how his lies are ruining your relationship and tell him you'll try to change the way you react. Learn to understand that all men look at other women as do women look at men. As long as he doesn't take it any further that makes him better than most and means that he must value his family life.
2006-07-22 17:13:54 · answer #2 · answered by lovetotravel77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don`t put up with this sort of selfish behaviour from him for any longer.You`ve let him get away with it for too long,I know from my own experience,how difficult it is to be objective,especially when children and family are also involved,but after 24yrs of the deception and lies that I myself had to put up with,I finally made the break and everyone became happier.We went on to divorce and six months later I met the perfect man for me,so you see you can be happy,but you have to let him go or force the issue.It sounds like he wants it to end anyway.Good luck to you and your family,I feel for you at this moment and know how painful it must be.Chin up.You can always talk to a relate counsellor.
2006-07-22 09:24:32 · answer #3 · answered by AMANDA G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he actualy cheated on you ? you said he lies when you ask him if he looks at other women. If this is your'e problem then I think it's time you realize all men and women look.......if you are constantly on his back about this it's no wonder he is ready to walk. 20 years of that ....I'm surprised he's still there! As to him lying about it I'm sure he was trying to avoid a fuss and keep the peace as his looking seems to upset you much more than it should . I am a married woman 20 years as well and I still look at men . I'm married not dead !
2006-07-18 14:22:47 · answer #4 · answered by shelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear your going through such a diffucult time in your marrige. Well you should try talking to a marrige counselor or a priest at a church. Either way I dont think your husband will ever change but you have the power to change and move on with your children and have a better life with a man that will truly appreciate you.
2006-07-18 14:20:59 · answer #5 · answered by Disco Ball 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Scary, you sound like you are going through something similar to me, but my husband likes to chat online to teenagers in crisis, he tries to 'rescue' them and when they inevitably fall for him, he keeps them hanging on by telling him he loves them. This has happened twice in our 10 year marriage, found the second one out only on sunday. I wish my husbands problem was looking at other women rather than that. It's not easy to stomach that either but get a sense of perspective! Looking at women is not great but acting on it would be disastrous. You definately need counselling, as a couple.
2006-07-19 13:35:00 · answer #6 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leopards wont change their spots after so long!! My advice is to get him to a Marriage counsellor as soon as possible if you can manage to drag him along. He is a cool one isn' t he..He lies and then accuses you of not believing him. Just tell him....to lie is to insult a persons intelligence because people know when you lie. They arent stupid!!!
2006-07-18 14:25:24 · answer #7 · answered by beyond paradise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I can't figure out ANY reason why you would want to stay with him.
1.) He has proven to be untrustworthy.
2.) Does nothing for your self-esteem.
If he's so willing to give up, then LET him. PUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR!
Then find some mates, and stay single until you can figure out why you stayed with him to begin with. That was an unhealthy relationship, but it takes TWO to tango, as they say.
2006-07-18 14:24:04 · answer #8 · answered by tat2me1960 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would not worry about him looking at other women. all men do it and i know all women look at other men but women are more careful about it about the lying though he might be doing it because he really want out of the marriage even if he says he does not. ask him to try to be honest if he wants to same the marriage, i hope he does. divorce sucks. good luck.
2006-07-18 14:31:20 · answer #9 · answered by maria_cd_in_training 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What has he been lying about, you dont actually say. I mean you intimate he has been unfaithful but dont actually say what he has been lying about.
I only ask as I know someone whose wife is constantly on his case about everything and who virtually follows him about. She questions him relentlessly about everything he does and everywhere he goes. This perpetual scrutiny and obsession is pushing him to his limit. Its sad to watch.
Anyway, if you cant live with him and whatever he is doing you cant stand then move on. It hurts of course it does but sounds like you have been postponing the pain for 20 years.
2006-07-18 14:50:55 · answer #10 · answered by Ice Queen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋