I live in Illinois (chicago) My hubby and I have been married for 33 years we have 4 children together (all grown except for 1 teenager) and I have serious health problems. My own income is limited so I do depend heavily on my husbands health insurance. We have a house and 2 cars. He has cheated all through the marraige, but, now he is just blatantly rubbing his infedelity in my face and the face of our children. He is never home and when he does decide to come home he yells and tries to boss everyone around. He takes money out of my purse and leaves. He does not help pay any bills. I am tired of this but I am afraid that if I divorce him now I will be giving up many benefits such as his pension, 401k, health and life insurance etc....... How do I kick this monster out of my house without losing out?
2006-07-18 06:13:59 · 23 answers · asked by Brown skin 4 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
I've been there and sympathize. It's a tough situation and you need a great lawyer, who unfortunately is going to require a hefty retainer. Start hiding money until you can save up. In the meantime, document all of his behavior in a journal and gather as much proof as you can. Prepare yourself for a fight. You're going to get the house, car, etc. at the very least, and certainly after 33 years you will get spousal support, but you need an excellent attorney to fight for your share of the rest. Find yourself a Pit Bull to represent you in court. Good luck.
I got "hefty" spousal support after only eight years of marriage. I had documented everything I could and we came to court prepared. When I had copies of police reports (there was some domestic violence involved in my case), statements from women he cheated with, times, dates, reciepts, etc., all he could utter in reply was, "Uh."
And for crying out loud, don't listen to certain people on here who ask questions like "Did you drive him to cheat?" There is never a reason or excuse to cheat on your spouse. Never. Period.
2006-07-18 06:20:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you don't have much recourse. Cheating is not illegal as the quote below, taken from a divorce website in Illinois, spells out:
"Divorce lawyers have universally maintained that the public would be shocked if they learned what little role, if any, spousal misconduct plays in our divorce system. Misconduct does not determine who gets what. The court cannot look at the conduct of either spouse in setting monetary awards. Even in custody cases, the court won't consider misconduct that didn't affect the children.
Cheating spouses do not get punished.
Yes, this also applies to adultery. Contrary to popular belief and myth, cheating spouses are not "punished", as such, by our legal system. That may have been true 50 years ago, but our law has since changed (along with just about everything else in the world).
While Illinois requires proof of grounds for divorce, the grounds have to do with the question of whether or not a divorce should be granted and do not have to do with what each party gets or doesn't get."
However, it is possible that because you have been married so long, you will be entitled to half of his pension, as well as a grace period for staying on his insurance. Get a GOOD lawyer, and kick his cheating *** to the curb.
2006-07-18 13:31:09 · answer #2 · answered by kmallshouse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want legal advice, you have to go to a lawyer.
I understand he has been a cheater, but have you been perfect in the relationship? Or did you drive him to cheat? If you know about it for so long, have you ever decided to talk about it with him or is he just non-responsive on the topic? Is there ever a way you could find yourself to forgive him? Obvioulsy to forgive him he would need to feel sorry for what he is doing and realize that it is hurting you. Just like you, he also made a vow and he never should've cheated.
I am very terribly sorry for the troubles you, your spouse and anyone else in your family are going through. Best thing to do is pray and hopefully the answers will come to you. Hope everything goes well. If possible, I think therapy and counseling would be better (and alot easier financially & emotionally) if it works.
2006-07-18 13:19:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard decision. I would explore what health benefits you could get from the gov't -- are your health problems bad enough that you could get disability? Also, I would talk to a lawyer to find out what your cheating spouse might be obligated to share with you in a divorce.
Could your grown children help you out a little, financially?
Again, a hard decision. It looks like you may have to accept a reduction in the standard of your living; which is never an easy thing. But at least this loser will be out of your life. Best of luck.
2006-07-18 13:18:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't. Divorce comes with a heavy price. You will most likely be eligible for child-support, spousal support, and can often remain on the health insurance for a certain period of time (about 6-12 months, plenty of time to find your own). Perhaps you should consult an attorney... any good one will be able to get you half of his pension, 401k, insurance, savings, etc.
Just on a side note, why do you let him rub it in your face? Take control of your house woman!
2006-07-18 13:19:17 · answer #5 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will definitely need a lawyer to help you through this situation, though due to no fault divorce laws, alimony is becoming a thing of the past, however, you will still be entitled to a reward b/c of his infidelity. I know that a lawyer may be hard for you to afford, but if you want to come out fairly, that may be your only option...you can at least get a consultation for free most of the time, and he/she could point you the right direction and inform you of your rights... good luck, with this, and your health
2006-07-18 13:19:39 · answer #6 · answered by dalilvr333 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gather all the evidence you can about his infedelity you can. Record conversations, or better yet get a private investigator to get proof if you can afford one. If not go out with your own video camera. Anything you can gather about what he is doing. It is ILLEGAL to cheat on your spouce. You have been married a looong time and have his children. If you play your cards right you will end up with everything including alomony. You will without a doubt get child support and more then likely get the house. But get serious proof of his cheating and you could get some serious alomony too. Ever hear the expression "it's cheaper to keep her?" You go girl...get his butt!!!!
2006-07-18 13:21:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't put up with it just because he feels like he can treat you like dirt and you have to take it. Go talk to a lawyer about a divorce. Do not be a door mat. You are still eligable for half of his 401K and pension plan.
2006-07-18 13:16:48 · answer #8 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get legal advice. It isn't free but it is cheap, $17 a month in my state with no long term contract. Find out what you should do to protect yourself. My parents were married for over 40 years when they got divorced. My mom could have gotten half his retirement.
2006-07-19 08:05:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its called spousal support..he has to provide insurance, income, and all for you and your children. talk to your courts/lawyers..usually you can get free consultations..or free help if your on limited income such as state/disability/social security
having him around the kids is much worse then getting rid of him..your teaching them its OK to cheat and be unfaithfull
2006-07-18 13:18:32 · answer #10 · answered by mommy2savannah51405 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋