how do i help her get back comfort with intimacy?

Question

finally after 2 months my GF is able to say she still wants to work on the relationship...

but what do we do first. she is still VERY uncomfortable in bed with me and we do not kiss passiontaly or have SEX...i dont want to rush her or pressure her, but i think that a proactive approach to mending will be the best. Any suggestions on where to start or what to do to make her comfortable again or show affection like she used to?

well, i didnt cheat and niether did she. We have been in a LDR for 7 years, its not commitment to the relationship on my part that made her feel this way. so no MARRY HER answers. She just didn't feel the same as she had in the past. She is a Stressed Med Student and was mad at me for wanting more time than she had to give. i pressured to her to give me time and got mad when i would visit for a weekend and she would take naps and study but then find time during the week after i left to chill with friends. we both agree i can change that, but how can she feel comfort with me again?

Answer 1

Oh my gosh - this question is right up my alley. I am currently an ER nurse trying to get into medical school. Nursing school was tough enough, but med school is another animal. I was with my husband through nursing school. I had projects and papers and more papers and studying. I am now a mom of 3 graduating with my bachelors (after I had my associates in nursing). I find that we have little time for each other as well. We try to work opposite shifts to lessen the need for child care. Unfortunatly that also leaves little time for sleep. When the weekend comes I just want to sleep - but you can't do that with 3 little ones who want constant attention.

I don't know how else to say this but she needs your support. She needs your comforting, understanding, and again support. There are many times when I just cry because the stress is so thick. It doesn't sound like she has kids, but I feel her pain. When things are just getting too much, I need my husband to notice my signs, and comfort and console me. Unfortuantly that also leaves us little time for sex, but we still try to please each other.

You have to realize how much pressure and stress is being put on her. And you have to also keep in mind that this person may not be the same person that you fell in love with. She will return one day, and you both will be better people for sticking in there together. She probably finds time when you not there, just because that is when she hits her breaking point. Where she just can't go on anymore. My tivo is my best friend - and she may have the same thing with her friends (a planned time to just unwind). You should jump in there are be that person. Be supportive, and understanding. Rub her back, take a bath or shower together. Help her study - you might not know the words or how to pronounce them, but often that gives us a big laugh, and a bigger sense of love because you put forth effort and tried.

Send her a gift package - nothing with books (unless she thinks they will make her life easier) - something like a nice robe, scented candles, bubble bath, nice bath accesories like a new set of nice comfortable towels. Get creative, and don't overthink your situation too much. She is STRESSED! Be there for her, and she will love you even more! And send her a funny card for no reason - we all need to laugh! Also try allheart.com they have great funny gifts for everyone in the medical profession!

Good luck and stick it out - I know exactly where she is comming from, and it's not good, is not fun, and it's not her normal self.

Answer 2

Sounds like something happened to make her uncomfortable. Was there some cheating on your part? If so, you're just going to have to accept that she is having trouble regaining her trust in you.

For many women, sex is something special and sacred, and if you were willing to run out and share it with some other woman, she is feeling that you and she do not share the same reverence for the act. That is kind of like if she was sitting down and watching her absolutely most favorite movie and you came in and made fun of it. She'll probably not watch it when you're around ever again, or at least not for a long time.

It's all about trust. Make sure you are not doing anything that could cause her to distrust you. Not just cheating, but even carrying on conversations with women you used to sleep with, or looking at other women when you go out, or leaving the room to talk whenever your phone rings.

Also, remember foreplay? It doesn't start in the bedroom. Hold her hand when you're out to dinner. Open the door for her. Tell her she looks nice. Tell her you love her (only if you really do, though). Give her a foot rub (without expecting sex) when she comes home from work. Do things that you know will make her happy. Little stuff. Cook her dinner. Buy her flowers. If she hates to vacuum, do the vacuuming. If you notice she's running low on orange juice, pick some up on your way over.

And, above all, show her that you respect her at all times.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm not too sure how to go about answering this but why did the relationship come to a rocky hault? Why did it take her 2 months to finally decided to work on the relationship? If this has anything to do with somewhere down the line her losing trust in you then I suggest you start again from square one and try to make her fall in love again sort of speak. Take her out, spend time with her, be her best friend, companion, lover, confidant and .....its not only about sex. I think this would be a better proactive approach to the situation. Once all those emotional needs are met than i guees she will be more comfortable and WANT to meet the physical needs that the two of you will have. Trust me, if the issue has anything to do with trust... It will take time but I'm sure she is worth it because u seem to be determined to work... Hope all goes well.

Answer 4

I might be young, but I have been in the world in love, and currently am.

I would suggest to give her some time. She'll most likely come around. Right now she's probably not sure, and that's what is keeping her back.

Perhaps a talk is in order?

Answer 5

It doesnt sound she is ready to work on the relationship to me. If after 2 months she says she is ready...it seems to me SHE should be showing YOU that shes ready and Ijust dont see it.

Answer 6

It sounds like she has some issues. I don't think it is about you. If I cared for someone, I would make time for them way before my friends.

Answer 7

after an event like a wedding or a night out of drinking... its always best with alchohol....hell if it wasnt for alchohol half of the country would be virgins

Answer 8

this may sound corny-but next time you want to kiss or hug her ask first. she may need a little time and patients-a little time to figure her self out in the relationship.

Answer 9

DON'T RUSH INTO IT SEXUALLY....START OFF SLOW THE HAND HOLDING
THE CUDDLING THE HUGS...
COMMUNICATE WITH WORDS...
BUILD THE TRUST BACK ....MAKE HER FEEL THAT IT IS MORE THEN JUST THE SEX.....IF YOU LOVE HER TELL HER, TELL HER WHY YOU LOVE,BE ROMANTIC,FLOWERS... ONE ROSE WILL DO....
BE TRUE AND SHE WILL SEE IT GOOD LUCK....

Answer 10

we need more information. why did she stop being comfortable with intimacy in the first place? what happened?