my cousin's bf keeps in touch with his ex because she's still ill.?

Question

my cousin alicia's bf of 9months have moved in with us but they have had a row lately when she found out that her bf had phoned his ex(of 6years) to see how she's doing(esp coz she's got cancer). they'd broken up a good 4years now. alicia & her bf have rules about contacts with exes and he says this is different, that he doesn't love her no more but wants to be sure she's fine. she's just upset about finding out that now they're on a 'silent treatment' mode. don't want to get caught in between their fight. but what is the rule with exes? my cousin says she felt she overreacted but made her bf promise to let her know when he phones his ex again.

Answer 1

your cousin does not OWN her boyfriend. If he wants to call to see how is ex is feeling (ESPECIALLY if she's terminally ill) he should be able to do that, if your cousin is that insanely jealouse that she's mad he called someone he hasn't been with for four years she doesn't deserve her boyfriend.. he's obviously a very caring and loving individual. Woudln't she want him to do the same thing for her if the situation were reversed? If SHE were the one who was ill, and feeling down.. woudn't she like to hear from someone genuinely interested in her well being.. even if it was an ex lover, boyfriend, friend? I can only hope your cousin gaines some compassion and realizes that she's not the only person in the world her boyfriend has ever cared about. Even when someone is an ex.. you still CARE for that person, you may not love them.. you may not even like them very much.. but there was a time when you did, and that care will carry forward for a long time.. you still want to know that they're doing ok...

Answer 2

XXXXXXXXXXXXX I am happily married, with a great relationship with my husband and have four beautiful kids, never in a million years would I sacrifice that for anyone but even if I were in that situation and my ex had cancer, someone who I once cared about I too would like to know if he were okay. I'm sure you'd do the same. If we were to see a stranger on the street get hit by a car. Days later we'd wonder how he is doing. If there was a news cast about him mentioning the hospital he's in, I'm sure you or someone who saw the accident would call the hospital just to see how that person was doing. I sure would. Or supposed you were married and watching tv and a news cast comes on about an old flame that was almost killed and they mentioned the hospital. Wouldn't you want to know the details and if he were okay. I think your friend over reacted but after her second thought she realize she was just being jealous. Human compassion, that's an important thing we all need when we are sick. As long as the bf isn't hiding the fact that he calls her I don't see anything wrong with it. Thanks for being a good friend and caring. We all need frends like. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 3

I agree that your cousin overreacted. She should have had some compassion for a woman who has cancer and not have given her boyfriend the silent treatment over it. Okay, they had an agreement, but a terminal illness sort of overrides that, especially since it was just a phone call and nothing more. I could see her getting mad if he went over there without telling her. But a call? Tell your cousin to have more compassion.

Answer 4

He is your EX. You stay in contact with him which encourages his sick and twisted behavior. Stay away from him. He's unbalanced and you are a doormat to him. You don't think that someone who talks to him that isn't human who tells him what to do is normal? Healthy? Neither of you love each other and I doubt you ever did. It is some sort of sick obsession. You're not abused if you stay in contact with the person of your own free will. PS he didn't force you to find a girl pic of someone who looks like you naked, you allowed him to dictate to you and you complied. GET A BACKBONE!

Answer 5

I think the bf is exhibiting being a decent human being. Assuming that perhaps they were also friends, what's wrong with calling a friend who is ill, especially with cancer which could possibly be terminal. The gf should understand and not get all beat up about it. The demands sound like the demands of a wife and not a gf.

Answer 6

Under normal circumstances she would have an argument, but the woman has cancer, give dude a break! She should not be that insecure, especially if her caner is terminal, this is a person that he once, (keyword once) had special feelings for. So what he is doing is natural. If she where to place her self in his ex's shoes, she would very much appreciate the effort and consideration for her well being.

Answer 7

Your cousin definitely overreacted. The girl has cancer! It's pretty stupid to have a "rule of the exes" because you can still be friends. I think your cousin needs to up the trust and respect her bf a little more.

Plus, she needs to apologize. That was pretty assinine.

Answer 8

Your cousin needs to have a little empathy. She should try to imagine how she would feel in the same situation.

He was with the previous girlfriend for six years. That's a whole lot of life experience. Sounds like the boyfriend is a pretty good guy - it does not mean that he is sexually interested in his ex girlfriend. Maybe your cousin does not deserve to have a "nice" guy in her life.

Answer 9

Surely he is entitled to keep in contact especially if his x is seriously ill.
She shouldnt let her insecurities get in the way of their relationship.
If they have been together for 9 months then surely she should see he is with her and not his x.
Granted 9 months isnt a long time but the bloke should know what he wants by now.
If he goes back to his x then he goes back,there is nothing your cousin can do about that,but,going on at him about his x will only make him fed up.
If he feels he needs to keep intouch with his x then she should let him,either way he will keep intouch with her so why not do it with your cousins consent.

Answer 10

ALICIA'S B/F IS SHOWING HIS HUMANITARIUM SIDE. JUST BECAUSE SHE IS HIS EX, DOESN'T MAKE HER HIS ENEMY. I HAVE SEEN PLENTY OF COUPLES WHO COULD NOT BE MARRIED, BUT WERE WONDERFUL AS FRIENDS.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A HOSPITAL, ALONE AND FACING THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE OF CANCER? THE ONE THING YOU WANT AND NEED THEN IS A FRIEND. SOMEONE WHO WILL LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEM AND NOT BE JUDGMENTAL, A HAND TO HOLD ONTO SO TO SPEAK.
THE MISTAKE MADE HERE IS HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER UP FRONT THAT THE EX HAS CANCER AND THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO SEE HERE TO HELP HER THROUGH THIS TIME. EXPLAIN THAT IT ISN'T TRYING TO GET BACK WITH HER OR NOTHING LIKE THAT, JUST TO BE A FRIEND. WE ALL NEED FRIENDS.