This past weekend, I went out with my friends and family. I got back in the house around 1am, and went to bed. That morning my husband refused to look at me and told me that I made him sick. Confused, I asked him why was he so mad at me. He told me that I reminded him of his ex wife who use to leave stay gone for days at a time. He knows that I am NOTHING like her, so I was offended and sad. Later that day he told me that when I go out, it's like saying that he and the kids are not good enough company for me. Now, we have been married for 5 months and this is my 1ST time going out with my friends and family without him! He tells me that now that I am married, I no longer have anything in common with my single family members and friends. He says that its not fair for me to go out, when he doesn't go anywhere. That's his choice! I have no problem with him going out! Because of how cold he was to me when I got back home, I am kind of scared of ever going back out again. Is that fair?
2006-07-18 06:00:40 · 25 answers · asked by candy0813 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is trying to control you and if you let him it will escalate to other things. it is fair for you to go out, you need time away from him and the kids and its NOT fair of him to blame you for needing space. next time you want to go out dont give him the opportunity to think about it. just take off and say "ill be back in a few hours!" take your phone and answer it every other call (if its him). if he doesnt wanna go out thats his problem, he doesnt need to be chained on your ankle 24/7, just long enough for you to get him to do the dishes and laundry this week lol. next time you go out without him bring him home something he likes, like candy or soda or his fave beer as a way to say "thank you". but dont do this every time or he will get used to it. you want it to be a treat and something special.
and if sideshot was reading your story he would have seen that this is the FIRST time in 5 months that you have had any personal time.....i say screw him, take off for as long as you need, including until 1am!
2006-07-18 06:08:50 · answer #1 · answered by ziggunerin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair at all. Be sure to reassure your husband that even though you may love him very much, it's healthy in any relationship to have time apart from each other so that neither of you begin to lose your own individual identities. Maybe arrange that he can enjoy an evening out with his friends as well - possibly at the same time you're out with yours? You are you - and the person he fell in love with and chose to married... If you lose your identity, you may find that you'll be a different person, and possibly one that is less loved by him as well. Talk to him, and communicate with him... Assure him again that even though you're not single, it doesn't mean you can't behave yourself when out with single friends or family, and that you would have no intention of doing anything to hurt him. Also, if he feels that he and the kids aren't good enough company, maybe he has a problem with a lack of self esteem? Build him up... Make him feel loved and appreciated, and perhaps when he gets his night out with the guys, maybe you could stay at home with the kids that night, and assure him also that you trust him completely in that scenario also! Good luck!
2006-07-18 06:07:19 · answer #2 · answered by loving father 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a manipulative jerk. Was he like this before you got married? This is why so many people end in divorce. They think that marriage is supposed to change people. Well, guess what, he's wrong. Your friends are your friends and especially your family was around long before he was. Everyone needs a break now and then. Sure he can come with some of time, but not always, it is not right of him to treat you like this with the guilt trip and all. Tell him to back off or get out, looser.
2006-07-18 06:07:43 · answer #3 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is tired a lot of the times, and doesn't like to go out all the time.
So, I wait till he can go w/ me. Although going out and staying late isn't a good idea no matter who you are w/~ bars are just a place for trouble when you are married!
So, no I would not go out again,,, it seemed like you really hurt him, and he most likely was worried, and then had to get up and go to work the next day...
My mom went out w/ my aunt after she got a divorce, and the next thing you know/// my mom got the "fever" and divorced my dad.... she was content and happy to stay at home until she was invited out into the night life...where everybody is living it up.. well, when the bar closes at 3;; all those people have to live in the real world again...
2006-07-18 06:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by Paige 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not fair at all. If he cannot understand that, then he's not a very good husband to you. I don't mean to talk badly about him, but it sounds as though he wants you to himself and doesn't like the idea of you going out with anyone else besides him. Does he have any friends? Maybe if he can get in with some guys at work or something, start going out with them every now and again it might make it less uncomfortable for the nights that you want to go out with your family.
You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel...that you feel scared to go out again because you don't want him to be upset with you, or tell him that you act like his ex-wife, because he should trust you and know you are nothing like her. Hopefully he will understand that.
Every relationship needs space - you can't constantly engross yourself in the other person day and night...it's suffocating and can get old fast. You need time away from each other too.
And it doesn't mean you love each other any less!
Good luck.
2006-07-18 06:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by plcarnrike 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(I'm single)But it doesn't sound fair tho. You two should come to some type of a agreement, to where it should be okay every once in a while..Its all about understanding! If you two go out together or with friends, this should not start up and argument...Everyone needs there alone time with others, and if you choose to hang out with friends or family or vices versa him with the fellas watching a game...He is showing signs of possessiveness, not good! These men are killing there wives now a days...GOOD LUCK!
2006-07-18 06:13:00 · answer #6 · answered by Simple1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not fair at ALL. He is very insecure. A marriage should be two people who compliment each other's lives... not two people who ARE each other's lives. Listen to every couple who stays together for a LONG time (happily). They will tell you that first and foremost they are best friends. Everyone needs time to be away from their spouse, you spend so much of your free time with them! This is really something you should have explored before the wedding. He may not ever change, if it does it will be a LOT of work.
2006-07-18 06:06:25 · answer #7 · answered by Mike Hunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like hes a bit too controlling over you. You need to talk to him and tell him you realize what he has been through in the past, but you are nothing like that. And you like to have a bit of freedom to be yourself. If your going out partying with friends and family, then thats another thing...b/c that opens the door to accusation and trust issues. Partying you should take hubbie. Innocent stuff he should let you do. Your married, not owned.
2006-07-18 06:05:37 · answer #8 · answered by angelikness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, your husband needs to grow up! He sounds like a whining child and the cold shoulder he gave you is downright immature. He needs some counseling because he obviously has very low self esteem. He is also comparing you to his ex-wife, which is NEVER appropriate. You both are starting off on the road to disaster . . . I think marriage counseling would be best for both of you.
2006-07-18 06:05:56 · answer #9 · answered by kris2166 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's keen to do the cooking for all those visitors he invites, you're fortunate to have this style of variety-hearted and beneficiant husband. If he expects you to cook dinner for all those visitors, particularly, then he's an fool and merits which you would be able to circulate on strike for the trip journeys. Hell in the international is plenty extra instructive and gets the component for the time of faster. :)
2016-11-02 07:03:19 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋