My wife has had depression for the last 8 years, and she has failed to ever do anything about it. She tried medication and counseling for a short time, but has never really done anything about it. This caused a major strain on our marriage. After the last 8 years, I had enough and filed for the divorce (I am the cause and blame for everything, and she wouldn't admit her illness and treat it). She has now started to take her necessary meds and she is a completely different person. She reminds me of the woman I married, and I am having second thoughts and I would like to reconcile. I have dropped some subtle hints that I am leaning this way, but she hasn't decided to talk about it. We have had regular conversations and the mood in the house has been very upbeat. I'm not sure if she really wants the divorce, but I don't think I am the one who can bring up the reconcilitation (becasue I was the one who filed). Any heartfellt advice that you can give me would be GREATLY appreciated!
2006-07-18 05:55:37 · 19 answers · asked by Jim S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How can you say that you don't think you are the one who can bring up reconciliation? You were the one who filed. You were the one who basically said I have had enough of you. She has no reason to try and reconcile a damn thing with you. You are the one who asked for the divorce so now you are the who has to say you changed your mind. You should ask yourself first if you are the reason that she was too depressed to bother getting help. She obviously had no problem getting help once you filed. Another question to ask is whether or not she is only on her meds now so that you will come back to her. If that is the case than she could very well stop taking them again. Are you going to walk out on her then too?
2006-07-18 06:37:27 · answer #1 · answered by jdscorrupted 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult spot you're in. Living with someone with a chronic problem such as your wife has is a hard road to go down. You know that she's only feeling better right now because of medication, and were she to go off them, you'd be right back where you started from. I guess there's no way for you to be certain that this is a permanent "fix" for her. You have to talk to her about. It doesn't matter if you were the one to file for divorce. You still need to have a discussion with her so that you know how to proceed. You'll either come to the conclusion that you and she are better off going your separate ways so you can find a woman with less drama, or you will decide your marriage is worth saving. No one can answer this question for you. Just give it alot of thought and good luck to you.
2006-07-18 13:04:29 · answer #2 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I would talk to her about it. She may feel good because she is awaiting the divorce. Maybe she feels this will be her second chance. Or she may just genuinly be doing better. I would first find out what caused the depression originally to see if it is something that would happen again. When all else fails, you can never go wrong with keeping communication open and honest. She either wants the divorce or she doesn't. If she has any concerns about it, she will tell you.
2006-07-18 13:00:45 · answer #3 · answered by Mike Hunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay i understand your situation. you cant control another person who is going through depression. i think you reacted too fast and filed for divorce. why? just becus she changed to bad? well, you could of tried to help her while she went through this hard time. you could of done something. now that she knows you want a divorce, i think she is happy that she is moving on. the best thing is to talk to her about it. dont think that she is the one that has to ask you to stop the divorce. you were the one who filed so she will think you will say something. if both of you think that the other one has to say something, then both of you arent going anywhere. so you need to step up. talk to her and tell her that you like her now and that youv noticed a great change in her. tell her that you want her back if she is okay with that.
now keep in mind that if you really loved her befor you wouldnt have filed for divorce. so you cant really say that you always loved her, becus of what you did. just let her know how you feel and see where things go from there.
im happy that she is doing better. and if you two get back together then you should always keep her happy. dont let her struggle and fight her oun battle with depression. help her out when you see her slip.
2006-07-18 13:03:39 · answer #4 · answered by All4Christ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesnt matter who filed, if there is a chance you can save your marriage I say SPEAK UP!!! Does she like the way she is on the medication? What if you reconcile and she stops taking the meds? You have to ask yourself these questions. You dont want to file for divorce every 6 months so you really need to talk.
2006-07-18 13:00:06 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let her know how you feel - explain to her exactly how you stated it - that it was difficult when she hadn't had any help with her depression and that was your initial reason for filing divorce, but now you're seeing the woman you married and feel happier with her, and now feel that divorce was the wrong decision. You cannot wait for her to make the first move, you don't know what she's feeling until you lay yours out on the table, and then ask her. Or if you'd rather, ask her first how she is feeling when she's with you, to get a feel for whether or not she wants to go through with divorce.
Hope everything works out.
2006-07-18 13:00:24 · answer #6 · answered by plcarnrike 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you should talk to her about it. If she hears it from someone else she probably wont believe it anyways. You should be the one to talk to her about it. Its about the 2 of you. I have a history of depression and know what a strain i was on our marriage. With the right meds and counseling i am also a different person. We seperated 3 times because of it. Now im a better and stronger person and we are now going on 22 yrs of marriage and going strong. She needs to hear it from you. good luck
2006-07-18 13:01:50 · answer #7 · answered by hunnybunny7794 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well right now she is in recovery. But if she hasn't given you any hints that she wants to reconcile. I don't know maybe you need to go ahead with the divorce. After all your marriage did take quite a beaten from her illness. You need to talk to her about your feelings if nothing but to see where her head is. I know it will be difficult but you need to talk to her because only she can tell you if she wants to reconcile. Good luck.
2006-07-18 12:59:58 · answer #8 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always two sides so no reason as you filed for divorce, why you can't unfile it! Raise it with her and see where it leads.
One warning. The depression is likely to have a cause. Medication just deals with the symtoms, so she still has issues to deal with. And your marriage may be part of the problem?
Go slow.
hope this helps
2006-07-18 13:02:25 · answer #9 · answered by Ade Babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just come right out and ask her if she wants to get divorce. tell her you filed cause you wanted her to see what not getting help was doing to your marriage . tell her you still love her and always have and that you don't want a divorce it was a last chance at getting her to do as she knew she should. ask her to think it over and give you another chance. marriage is for better or worst its in the vows you took when you said i do. hope this helps
2006-07-18 13:03:41 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋