Why do gay men call their boyfriends "husbands"?

Question

Does this imply a more formal commitment? In the case I'm thinking of, there was no ceremony, just a relationship lasting more than 6 months.

Answer 1

Gay men call their significant other many names. Partner, significant other, boyfriend, wife (lol) and husband. A lot depends on the individual partnership that they feel they have, and based on their conversations with one another.

Typically when they move to the word husband it means a more serious commitment to one another. Many do not have ceremonies, and few actually get married due to laws. However it does not mean anything less to these men. The commitment is there between the two of them and that is enough.

Now in the case of your friends, you might want to recognize their commitment by refer to them as husbands. You don't need to go buy them a gift, unless you feel like it is necessary. Be happy for your friends and continue to love and support them.

Answer 2

Poor Randy W! If he re-reads his post he'll see just how bad it is. So women are less than men in a relationship? He's never met a straight couple where the woman was dominant? He doesn't know any straight couples where one or the other has been unfaithful?

What Randy's post points out is that whether you are a gay couple or a straight couple, most of the same issues exist.

Predominantly, it isn't a question of 'who is the wife' in a gay relationship. Most are conducted on an equal footing - both are men (gay relationships) or both are women (lesbian relationship). There is no need or desire in these relationships to mimick the dominant/submissive roles Randy W describes; although there is nothing wrong with such a model if both partners agree that is what they want. I wonder if Randy is dominant or submissive in his relationships?

Anyway, to answer the main question - boyfriend hardly covers an introduction of your partner of 25 years. For a straight couple that would sound ridiculous, and for a gay couple it does too. Husband doesn't imply there must also be a wife! In gay relationships, BOTH partners will often introduce their life-time partners as their husband.

And yes, gay relationships are tending to be much more long lived than they used to be; and more or less in line with straight married couples. It's hard to get accurate statistics, but it looks as though both types of relationship break down/fail 50% of the time.

Many of my friends are now into 10, 15, or even 25 years of relationship with their partner - they've earned the use of the word husband.

Answer 3

Well, the ceremony isn't going to be legal in most states, so perhaps they decided it wasn't worth the fuss. They are probably implying a more formal commitment, as you said. Maybe they've drawn up legal paperwork (for instance, wills, medical powers of attorney, etc.) Or it could just be that that's how they see each other.

Incidentally, I am female, had a ceremony, and call my partner my "wife" because that's what she is to me.

Answer 4

I have been with my partner for almost 4 years now. Honestly I wish I could call him my husband, but that to me would imply that we have gotten married. Much to my dismay I cannot legally do this as of yet, and so he remains my "partner". More committed than a boyfriend, and striving towards that wanted title of husband. At least that is how I feel about it. In all senses of the word however he is more of a husband than any other straight married male I've come in contact with.

Answer 5

Ceremonies in relationships are awesome. But remember that a ceremony doesn't make love. Only 2 people can do that. What they choose to do call each other is insignificant. They are just terms of endearment.

Answer 6

the same reason lesbians call their partners "wife". my "husband" and i have been together going on 5 wonderful years.
i know some gay male couples begin calling each other "husband"at about the 6 month mark. up until year number 2, we called each other "partner".
now, lesbians on the other hand, after 2 dates, the uhaul is rented and there is a moving party etc etc etc....LOL, just kidding about that part.
my "husband" and i didnt have "formal" ceremony, but on our 4th anniversary, we went to cancun, had a wonderful candlelit dinner via room service so we could have our special moment alone, and we committed ourselves to each other, we exchanged rings and went on a late night cruise in the bay complete with champagne etc.

Answer 7

Not sure that they do, but I have been to a lesbian "Ceremony" Marriage. A ceremony can still be done but is not sanctioned or legal, but it is the ceremony itself that means something. But if someone calls someone by the spousal name of husband or wife then I am assuming that it is a long term realationship and means more to them than a casual or lng term dating partner.

Answer 8

It is entirely dependent on the couple. Some use it only after a formal ceremony, some after a certain length of time. Some immature and young gays will use it on anyone they are dating. Since gay marriage is such a volitile and fluxuating thing, there are no hard and fast rules.

Answer 9

There are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Read here https://tr.im/dHbcQ

Here are some key steps to apply to your marriage:

- Start by understanding and being informed.

You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data. All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues. In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.

The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner. It's not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation ' information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.

Answer 10

I believe it to be a sign off affection! They have decided to make a life long commitment to each other and husband may well be what they want to use.

I think you will be more curious when you here a gay man call his boyfriend wife! This is also something that is done for a sign of affection!