How can I explain to my kids that I really need to go through this divorce.?

Question

I am currently in the process of proceeding my divorce. My soon to be ex cheated me several times and enough is enough for me. When I informed him of this divorce, he was attached overseas for work, that was sometime in May. Since then, he has refused to give me the divorce.

Today, he came back home for a short break. I didnt even know he is back. I got to know when I called home and my 2 kids are not at home. He took the kids out.

When they returned later in the night with him, I locked myself in my room till he left the house to stay somewhere else.

However, my two kids behavior changed. No longer the bubbly and cheerie kids. They were gloomy. When I asked them if there is anything they want to talk about, my son started to cry. He didnt want me to go through the divorce.

Any advice how I can get them to understand that it is impossible for me to live with their father now? It hurts me to see them cry but I cant stay in this marriage any more.

My kids are 13 and 11. They know I do not deny them the time they want to spend with their father.

Answer 1

glad to hear that u r on d rigth track now towards a bright future.

u have done yr first move now and next is yr kids which is going to be difficult bcos they r going to lose a father real soon.

there are good and bad abt yr kids who r at their young teens rigth now.

the GOOD thing is they r old enough and can understand wat u and yr hubby r going through now.

the BAD thing is they might not be able to accept and handle the truth. a "BROKEN FAMILY".

i tink u better start off with yr daughter first bcos she is d oldest and of the same sex as u and I guess tis will not be difficult for u to talk her over. wat to say??? well, tell her d truth! she dont deserve a father like that and she also will not want her future bf/husband to be like her father too.

as for yr son, it will be difficult and my guess is... he is more attached to his father. yes or no??? i tink u will need yr daughter to help u out on tis cos she is d only person closest to him now. teens can accept answers among themselves more convincingly than an adult talking to them.

u MUST be strong now to hold on to yr own tears and sadness bfore u can even hold yr kids tears and sadness.

last but not the least, give some time for yr kids to digest the truth and face the facts bcos they r still young at tis moment. TIME will eventually overcome all yr problems u r facing now and later.

hope my answers to yr question is helpful though i might not in a position to advise u.

good luck and all the best!

Answer 2

Focus on the result of the divorce: a much happier family. Explain that it might be a little hard right now, but in the future everyone in the family will be so much happier, and that's why you all have to go through this right now. Also, get them in to see a family therapist as soon as possible (and it wouldn't hurt for yourself either). Sometimes we're just a little to close to our circumstances and experiences to be able to talk them over objectively, or to talk about them to your kids, who are experiencing the same negative things, whether they show it or not. Therapists are experts at letting kids (and you) talk about some of these emotions that they might not even know they have, and ultimately find ways to deal with them. Also, the truth is that your kids' behavior is probably the last thing to change when they notice problems in their family; they've noticed and have been affected by these problems long ago.

Just never make them choose, and don't subject them to violent or mean fights. If one starts, get the kids out of the house and deal with the husband when they're not around. And ask that he do the same, for their sake. I'm sure that he doesn't want to hurt them either, but everyone's judgement gets clouded in situations like this.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You are in a hard situatiuon. My parents have 9 kids. They got divorced about 5 years ago. We ranged from 1 to 22. I was 18 at the time and I was the oldest at home. No matter what you do it will be hard on the klids. But I promise they will get over it and as they get older they will realize you had to do it. Just be honest wiht your kids, they are old enough to understand right and wrong. I wouldn't go into detail about what their dad has done, not yet anyways. Let them get a little older for that one. But let them know he has done some things that aren't supposed to be done and that you need to get away from him. Let them know they can still have both of you, and you both still love them, just that you and your ex don't love each other anymore. Make sure the kids know it wasn't anything they did, because they are at the age where they will blame themselves. Just give them enough info so they know whats going on.

Answer 4

I don't know how old your children are but they need to know as little as possible. The problem is I think your ex (or soon to be) is telling them stuff to upset them to come back onto you. You need to tell him to only talk to you about the impending divorce. They don't need to be upset by all the "adult talk". They are going to go thru alot and maybe counsellings will help them depending on their ages. They don't need to know why Mommy wants a divorce. I would just tell them that Mommy and Daddy are not going to live together anymore but that we both still love them very much and they will still be a part of our lives and nothing there will ever change.

Answer 5

It will be hard for you and the kids maybe just remember they will not like it but they will survive. Do not bring a new man into the house you live now. If you meet someone new, give it a while before you have him see were you live, and do not allow him in this house. If you do this it will work out much better for you and the kids...E-Mail @ [e-mail] I will get in to much greater detail

Answer 6

Explain to your kids that they will still have both of you guys as parents. Tell them that you can't live with daddy any more because he has other girlsfriends. If they still pretend not to understand, Tell them that they must not be selfish and you do not want an angry, unhappy mommy raising her kids.

You should not stay in that relationship, go ahead and get your divorce, millions of kids in the states have dealt with that, so will your kids.

Answer 7

How previous are your toddlers? in the journey that they are youthful than 5 you could't they received't understand. between 5 and 9 you should frame of mind it delicately that you tried each and every way plausible and can't look to get alongside or maybe as 2 human beings can not get alongside together the perfect ingredient is for them to be break free one yet another. provide them an celebration of perchance a baby in college that they don't look to play with very a lot because they could't get alongside with them. 10 and above be ambitious and clarify that even in spite of the indisputable fact that you've tried each and each and every of the help it is obtainable for suffering relationships you want ______ yet purely can't get alongside and be at liberty and that you understand it is going to damage them and cause them to experience unusual for awhile yet you nevertheless love them and are going to do each and everything you could to assist them adjust to the recent challenge. the only word you should under no circumstances say to them is Mommy and that i do not love one yet another anymore. which will cause them to start up annoying about your love for them leaving and that is an entire different can of worms.

Answer 8

your husband is f_cked up. He took them out and made you the bad parent. Counseling is needed. How old are they? You both need to tell them. At this point husband is angry that you did this especially over the phone when he was away "come on!" that was dirty too. YOU gave him a headstart on how to make your life a living hell. Get a lawyer and prepare yourself for a messy divorce. KEEP in mind YOUR CHILDREN.

Answer 9

I feel for you hun, the only thing I can suggest is to get them into counceling, this allows them to express their feelings with a bias person. They don't have to worry about having to choose sides with this person or not hurt their feelings. I had to put my kids in counceling as the father as well filled their lil heads with all kinds of rubbish. The other thing I suggest is to just do lots of hugging, fun activities.

Do not let them see you yelling, screaming or fighting with your husband this scares them and stresses them out way to much to deal with. Expect alot of outbursts, pulling away, loss of apeptite, even nightmares. It will get better they way I dealt with my kids is I said to them "did you like it when mommie and daddy yelled, screamed and fought" they of course said no, I then explained that for that to stop daddy and mommy can't live together but that did not mean neither one of us did not love them.

That is one thing you can do as well don't EVER put your husband down to the kids no matter how pissed you are with him or what you truely feel about him.

good luck hun, you have a tough journey ahead, stay stronge and it will get better.

Answer 10

First thing is how old are your children? I think it's important that you sit your kids down and explain to them that just because you are getting a divorce doesn't mean they won't see their father. It doesn't mean that you or he will love them any less. It's important though that you are happy in life and you're just not happy in the marriage.