mature advice: I think he is falling in love with me?

Question

I am in a relationship and it is pretty much dead. No communication, no intimacy, and lots of fights/neglect/crying etc. This is beyond help, I have tried my best. I have fallen out of love with him but am afraid of leaving him since he has nothing. I know, not my problem but it is, we have two kids and he watches them during the day. Arranging options will take time. I had an affair for the first time in my life and he is falling in love with me. I feel I am slowly feeling it as well. I asked him if it's infatuation and he asked no, since he's not just in love with the idea of me but th egenuine me sine it is all I have shown him and he's shown me.
I'm not selfish nor have I NOT tried hard to make it with my relationship, I simply want to be happy. Given this, what would you do? Do you think it's infatuation?
Thanks.

The relationship I have is not your common gone bad relationship.
He is a very miserbale person and I didnt see it at the beginning b/c he tried to be someone else.
I was a very happy person but his vegative vibes are affecting me badly.
I have tried all I can to help, and now he wants to give it one last chance. he's trying, but I don't feel it anymore.
??

About my children, they are too young to pattern things together but obviously anyone is old enough to feel afraid or hurt.
My oldest has a mental disability and so she isn't aware of much. The baby doesn't respond to it.
Not making excuses, just laying the facts out.

Don't think for once I would take his children away from him. I am not a selfish mother. I love my children very much regardless of what I am going thru. Another thing is, I've tried to break off the relationship and he uses the kids against me. I hate that b/c it's immature and I feel he doesn't care about my pain and wanting to move on.

Answer 1

One of your rights as a person is the pursuit of happiness., Life is short. Don't get wrapped up in the new guy either, but it's time for you to move on. If the guy you are with now is taking the responsibility of watching the kids, that's a plus. Work on yourself to improve things for your children, it's going to be like a domino effect. If you stay in a loveless relationship, your kids will be just mediocre. I'm not sure I spelled that right. What you really want to do is be happy, so therefore your kids will be happy. You'll have to figure this out, but guys are not really in the equation, but your kids are.

Answer 2

Hmm.. Well, it's hard to tell if it's infatuation or not. But you certainly have the right to be happy and get out of a relationship that simply isn't working. Until you are out of the relationship, though, I would stop seeing the other guy, just out of respect for your current man and the children. If he was in the same position, you would probably prefer he not see the other woman until the relationship was officially over, just out of respect.

For right now, focus on ending the relationship that you currently have, no matter how difficult it is. You'll all be happier that way (especially the children). Your current man should be responsible and mature enough to not let that get in the way of his love for his children, and should want to make sure they're provided for and taken care of, regardless of how things are going between the two of you (as should you, obviously, but it seems that you do).

About ending the relationship: You don't have to give a relationship a second chance unless you both don't want to. And it obviously seems like you don't want to give this one another chance (which is fine, you're certainly entitled to feel that way). But you're going to have to actively end the relationship with him. Talk to him about how you feel, why exactly you're not happy with the relationship, and why a second chance isn't going to fix the problems you have, but don't attack him--he'll just get defensive and it will be really messy. Base all of these things you tell him on the RELATIONSHIP and NOT HIM. That way, it won't be anyone's fault, really, it's just that the two of you together won't work. But you've got to take charge and be the one to end it.

PS--I second what another person said: it sounds like he would really benefit from therapy. Try and help him find the help he needs.

Answer 3

If you use this example-when a gorilla wants a female gorilla they bang on there chest as loud and as hard as they can to show the girl he has what it takes to protect her.

In some cases, it is just a game. I believe if the man is tough only when necessary he is not putting on a show. If the man buys you flowers, he is sweet. If opens the car door for you he is a gentleman. If he has a dependable car, he is responsible. If he has a good job he is hardworking and disciplined, If has been on his current job for more than 2 years he is focused, if he calls you after the date and said he had a great time and do you think we can do it again some day he is comfortable with you. This is worth keeping... Just remember living together changes things sharing checking account's make it challenging and going on a long well planned road trip (only if u have a good cell phone and someone knows where your going and that you will stay in touch) a road trip is a great started to a long term commitment for the future... The theory here is if you can get a long real well dating, and think you would like to take it to the next level, than a car ride for about 6-8 hours you will inevitably start to get to know one another. You need to make sure you are going to do something that you both like (activities) if you and your partner are not getting along then let us look at that. What brought the two of you together? Do you and your partner still share those experiences? If not, why is this so? When kids are involved you need to exercise the most amount of discreetness as possible. You need to find out what brought the two of you apart, and see if it is repairable if it is try to talk to your spouse/partner and see if he can make the necessary changes to bring the relationship back together. I am not saying that this is 100% possible just make the attempt at least. When it comes to the affair, just exercise necessary precautions. The person you have had an affair with is still caught up in the sex. Just to try to understand if this man is true feel him out when it is in regard to the kiddo’s THEY should be your # 1 thought and consideration. Keep your sex/meetings with this other man discreet. Please use protection if you meet again. Remember, this man that says he is falling for you needs to look at the big picture. Is He willing to be a GREAT Step-Dad to those kids is he able to live with you and the kids in harmony and does he have the ability to treat your kids like his own, and love them as much as he loves you! If you want to talk some more e-mail me at [e-mail] Call me Rob.

Answer 4

Given the fact that your relationship is going poorly and you don't feel any love or desire associated with your partner anymore, a good bet would be that it may be at least partly infatuation. This new guy is loving you and paying attention to you and telling you how special you are. Since you have been in a relationship with the same person for a while who isn't giving you this, I'm sure it feels magical. Just realize that if you haven't eaten for weeks, stale bread tastes like heaven. Even if if this guy is stale bread, now that you cheated on your man, it really won't work out, so he may just be the push you need toget out of the relationship.

Answer 5

I would get out of the negative unhealthy relationship and get with the positive healthy one.

Now when you decide to cheat adding more fuel to your increasing fire in your personal life, you should be considering moving on in the first place. No other person should be your mat to walk on for love because you chose to stay in a unhealthy relationship while having others pick up the slack of it.

If your being treated so bad, I suggest you do everything possible to get out of it and most importantly remove your two kids from around such unhealthy environment.

You should focus on that first instead of cheating.

Answer 6

Bottom line, you deserve to be happy in your life. Staying in your current relationship just because of the kids is not good. If these are his kids, let him continue to watch them during the day. And you are correct, it is not your problem that he has nothing, you are not his keeper. Maybe this is just what he needs to get back on his feet. But you do need to establish a good, loving environment for your children as well as for yourself.

Answer 7

You say you have tried your best, but what about the father of your kids? Is he in therapy? would he consider it? If he's really depressed, the break up of your relationship and the fear of losing his kids might just send him over the edge.

I had a depressed friend who shot himself in the head because of his messy divorce and losing custody of his daughter.

Get your babydaddy into therapy before you dump him, and don't take his kids away from him. And really take a look at your children and how they are going to be affected by your decisions and how they are going to feel about this new guy, who they will be convinced broke up their family.

Answer 8

First thing first...talk it out, discuss your feeling with him being your husband and let him see what is really goin on with your relationship with him, if he still didnt realize what is going on with your relationship then it is time to move on. With regards to the other guy, be honest with him, tell him the real situation at home and see if he can relate with you. Just remember, it is not your life anymore that your trying to protect it is your children's life now and their future.

Answer 9

How long can u go on living like this?? Move on. Its the only way of living life

Answer 10

I was in the same boat except i didn't have kids.. I just left.
It has been ten years now with the man i fell in love with