How long would you wait???

Question

My husband and I have only been seperated for about two weeks now...I know that doesn't sound like alot but it is to me...We talk on the phone everyday, and he comes over like twice a week. We are tring to work it out..He seems to be changing bu I'm scared he might go back to the same person.Has anyone been in the situation??? Did he really change?? Our break up was because he has an anger, controlling problem. Should i see this through and see if he actually does change or go by my gut feeling???

Answer 1

People can change, and I speak from experience. But not in two weeks. You separated for a reason and it was not a easy choice. You both gave it thought and decided it as the best course of action. Give it some time so that both of you can heal and really make the changes in your lives that may accommodate a reunion...or affirmation that you made the right choice. But at all times, be aware that while change happens it is not the end, it is a process and the issues remain. You ave just agreed to deal with them instead of ignoring it. It takes time, patience and energy. And most importantly, a willingness to go through it.
If the willingness isn't there, then it cannot work.

Answer 2

It is good that you and your husband are trying to work things out however you should have some clear rules of expectations. You have every right to be concerned about his changing - but you should be reasonable - two weeks is not long enough for any change to take place within someone - particularly if there is an anger problem involved. I would seek outside counseling and a support group to help both of you through this. Anger is a very destructive vice and can easily get out of hand and become explosive. You don't say what your "gut" feeling is, but I believe the "gut" feeling is the spirit inside you trying to urge you toward truth. You know your husband better than any of us, and you know if he is violent or has the potential to cause you harm. That is totally and completely unacceptable. Please insist that he gets help and remains in the counseling until you KNOW IN YOUR GUT that he has really c hanged - and then you still might not know. Whenever violence/anger and controlling situations abound in a marriage - I am not sure that love - real love has any room unless people are getting help. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well I had a situation like this with my husband and he was and is still controlling. We only separated for a week and I let him back in. He changed for a little while, but things went back the same old thing. He is better now though, but there could be improvements. I would give a little more time just to see what he is missing. And he has to want to change, and acknowledge his problems. Goodluck to ya.

Answer 4

sorry 2 weeks isnt long enough for an anger control problem.. is he getting counseling..? because if he's not then he's not going to get better at all.. think about it... if u wanted to lose 20 lbs dieting.. u cant lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks if that were the case everyone would be skinny lol..and if u dont change your eating / excercising habits ur not going to lose weight either, its something u have to work at for awhile.. not something that happens over night.. same thing.. if he's not trying to fix the problem its not going to fix.. all he's doing right now is being sweet in hopes u take him back then once u take him back he'll get comfortable again and be right back to the same old tricks, he hasnt hit "rock bottom" to realize theres a problem that he needs help with.. my x bf was extremely mentally and physically abusive and a control freak.. i finally managed to get away from him and he cried , swore he had changed ect.. he was suppose to get "court ordered" counseling for a year, he went 1 day a week for a month and thats was it.. then when he finally accepted i wasnt coming back he met a new girl and tried to rub it in my face that it was me that brought that out in him and how he loves this girl and hes so sweet to this girl ect.. (yeah well he was to me to in the beginning) , and now they are arguing on a regular bases and the name calling as become and he's starting his mental abuse on her making her feel like she's worthless.. so he still hasnt changed his ways and it wasnt me.. its something in him ..

Go with ur gut..

Answer 5

My husband has anger issues too. We have split up a couple times and he always says it will get better. It got a little better each time but he doesn't go get help so it really doesn't ever go away. He doesn't hit me or the kids but he can sure scare the kids. Go with your gut feeling. If you think he is not going to change then he probably isn't.

Answer 6

go with your gut first of all...
second.. you really aren't separated if you are still talking to each other and spending time with one another...

lastly if you two seriously want to give your marriage a shot, seek out marriage counseling in your area, or call your insurance company for places.


additionally... it takes A LOT of time and effort for a person to change. i am sure he has not changed since the past two weeks, especially since you aren't even separated. seriously seek counseling, it sounds like you need a mediator to help you both work through issues and problems in the marriage.

Answer 7

Without some counseling, that anger issue doesn't go away. Sorry, but unless he's committed to regular counseling sessions and getting a handle on what ails him, you should be scared. Your separation may be a wake up call for him, but it needs to go further. Your gut is telling you something, LISTEN.

Answer 8

Hello deezpumpkin, this isn't an easy one. Your husband may truly be trying to change and if so that is wonderful. Many times though people are able to change when they feel they have to in order to save what they have. Once things are comfortable again though they can revert to their old habits. If you love him, continue to talk to him and tell him that you want to be with him but he is going to have to commit to taking some counseling sessions. This could be by himself or with you but I think that you should really push this in order to increase his chances of changing his ways.
I wish you and him the very best of luck

Answer 9

He's on his best behavior now but once things settle back into a normal routine, he'll probably settle back into being himself. People can't change who they are that fast. Trust your gut, if you don't feel he's genuine in his efforts or capable of changing stay away. It may be harder to separate next time. Be careful.

Answer 10

If it was a big big problem, then he won't change..unless maybe he gets proffesional help...but two weeks isn't enough that's for sure...you just miss him..but you have to be stronger than that! Wait...and wait...wait untill he wants you back really bad..and see if he will get angry for not letting him get back together as soon as he has planned or if he accepts it and respects you enough to wait! That's how you know if he really has changed.