I have been married for four year to a great man, but his problem is that he abuses his medication and has for years. I am tired of the lies and betrayal. He is going into a treatment center in a couple of week. Just last night he lied to me about one of his medications and I just don't think I can take it anymore. I love him and do not know what to do. I want him to get help and hope that our lives will be better. We have a daughter and I am hanging in for her. He has not worked in over a year because he is trying to get Social Security for narcolepsy, which I know he will never get and we have been on welfare for the past 7 months. This is not life I had dreamed of. If anyone can offer some words of wisdom that would be great. His family says stick it our, mine says run for the hills. I am just confused and torn apart.
2006-07-18 03:19:58 · 12 answers · asked by emandkevsmom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
~Right now, there are three people in your marriage...you, your husband and his addiction. You may be his wife and he may truly love you and your daughter, but his drugs are like a seductive mistress and he loves her more than both of you. At this point, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to change his drug usage...NOTHING. He is an addict. His addiction will always be the most powerful influence in his life.
If he goes into a program, and successfully completes the program, he will still have a long way to go to beat down his addiction. It will not be an easy road, for him or for you. It will be a constant struggle for a long, long time.
I don't doubt that he is a great guy. There are many addicts out there who are great people and quite lovable, but try living with them. Even they find it hard to live with themselves.
Do what you need to do for you and your daughter. No matter how much you love an addict, be it your spouse, friend, family member, you can't fix them.
I wish you peace.
2006-07-18 03:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any kind of substance abuse is very hard to deal with, ask yourself if the life you are living right now is healthy for you and your daughter if not then your question is answered get out. Not that changing is impossible but unlikely for substance abusers get out and if changes and you would like to give him a second chance then maybe give it a second try. But hanging on for a child is ridiculous because a child can sense when things aren't right and would probably feel better in a stable environment. My tip to you is if you decide to leave I would make sure that I had a job first and the government can help you with certain expenses until you get on your feet.
2006-07-18 03:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by crenshaws_apache 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say.What kind of a man is he when he's clean or do you know?I was married to a substance abuser and he'd quit one just to trade in in for another.He was a good man at heart but he just couldn't quit the drugs.Because of the drugs he did things that were hurtful to the marriage.He cheated several times,he was verbally abusive,and not there emotionally for our child.After 7 years of this and many separations,I had to leave not only for my sanity but for my childs.It wasn't a healthy situation.I tried AL-ANON but that didn't help me personally.We lived in really small town and EVERYONE knew our problems.I really loved my ex but I couldn't live like that anymore.And the sad thing is 15 years later he is the same way with his current partner.You need to do what is best for you as a mom because you your daughter needs you more than he does.He is a grownup.Maybe a trial separation and counseling would help you but he won't benefit from help until he admits he has a problem.My heart goes out to you and I wish you peace for you and your daughter.
2006-07-18 07:53:04 · answer #3 · answered by Flaming40s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not hanging in for your daughter. You don't give a rats about her and if you did you wouldn't be living with an ADDICT.
You're hanging out because you are too LAZY to go out and get a JOB and take care of you and your daughter.
Your LAZY and hiding the fact under the disguise that your HUSBAND is a nothing. That's your fault too for marrying him. Stop using HIM and your DAUGHTER as an excuse.
2006-07-18 03:27:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question is, who is providing him with these meds that he's abusing?
If it were me, I'd at least hang in there long enough to see if the treatment he's going in for works or not. You have a firm date planned that he's agreed to, so for now indulge in a little hope to get you through the next couple of weeks.
2006-07-18 03:29:27 · answer #5 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would defiently give him a chance. It sounds like he wants the help and he is going to a treatment center. You need to support him through this, and I am sure you are going through a tough time too, but if things do not get better than I would defiently run for the hills.
2006-07-18 03:25:43 · answer #6 · answered by luvinmjc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband and brother in law are both recovering addicts, my husband was mean at times when under the influence and i urged hi many times to get help. Until he was ready it never worked, 7 years ago he sobered up and life hasnt been perfect but it is a lot better. he has days that he needs to lean on me and i am happy to be there for him. i feel our marrage is stronger because of this. we have hit bottom and recovered. maybe a seperation will work also. that is what my sister in law did. she still loved him and gave him chance after chance but took her and her daughter to safty while he cleaned up. i would say if you truely love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him try and support him.. it is hard and takes a lot of sacrifice but it CAN work if he is dedicated
2006-07-18 04:11:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him stick by his side.Remember those vows you took for better or worse,through sickness and health till death do you part.he really needs you now more then ever if you leave him do you really think thats going to help him.He does need to go into a treatment center to break the addiction.and yes it will be hard.Until then take all his meds he is abusing and either hide them or throw them down the toilet.Yes he will be pissed.But tell him you love him and your trying to make things worse but its killing you to watch him make himself sick the way he does.Tell him if he dosent stop that you and your child are leaving maybe that will wake him up.If he is abusive to you in anyway physically leave.I went through this and its a hard habit to break its just like drinking or smoking.Hang in there.
2006-07-18 03:26:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been where you are, and it will not get better. I did the same thing stay for the kids but in the end all you are showing your daughter is to stay with someone whose an addict, and someone she will have to support. Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear but it's true. Ultimately it's up to you but it sounds like you have given him 4 years worth of chances already.
2006-07-18 03:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by Karen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your family.. Run for the hills!! You don't deserve that and niether does your daughter. You wnat your child to grow up in a home where she can feel safe, don't you? Stop hoping that your husband will change, because he probably won't. Leave him, and start a better life for you and your daughter.
2006-07-18 03:23:20 · answer #10 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋