Please give me a good math joke?

Question

^_^

Answer 1

Two slightly more advanced math jokes, and a third one:

e^x (read "e to the x") and a constant were walking down a dark alley. All the sudden the constant got really scared. e^x asked what the problem was. The constant answered, "there is a differential operator, he's going to make me disappear." The constant then ran the other way down the alley and was gone. e^x kept walking toward the operator and said to himself, "not like he can do anything to me, I'm e^x, I'll just stay the same."
He then met up with the differential operator and said, "hi, I'm e^x, nice to meet you."
The differential operator responded, "hi, I'm d/dy."

(This one is mine):
√2 (read "the square root of 2") walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender went to get his drink, and when he got back, √2 stopped him and said, "you know, I can be written as a ratio of integers." Quickly the bartender took the drink back, and √2 asked, "what gives?"
The bartender answered, "you have obviously had too much to drink, you are being irrational."


And the third:
An engineer and a chemist get lost in a hot air balloon. While they are floating along, they see someone down below. The engineer yells to the man below, "where are we?"
After a couple of seconds, the man answers, "you are in a hot air balloon."
The engineer looks at the chemist and then back at the man below, and asks, "you are a mathematician, aren't you?"
The man yelled back, "yes, I am." And then continued about his business.
At this point the chemist was amazed and asked the engineer, "how did you know he was a mathematician?"
The engineer responded, "it was easy, when I asked him a question, he was absolutely correct, but didn't help at all."

Answer 2

A young mathematician decides to give up the academic life and go into farming. He runs into a problem, though, when mice get into his grain silo. He doesn't want to use any poisons near his grain, but the mice avoid his traps and his cat can't squeeze into the narrow spaces that the mice can.

So he asks the old farmer next door for advice. The old farmer says, "Got just the thing," goes into his barn, and brings out a snake. "One week. Rent it to you for $100," he says.

"A hundred dollars? That's awfully steep."

"Well, I only have two of 'em. Gotta protect my investment."

So the young farmer pays the money and takes the snake back to his farm. Within a week the snake has eaten all the mice, and the young farmer happily brings it back.

"So, what are their names?" he asks. "The two snakes, I mean."

"Frank and Lizzie-bell."

"A male and a female? If you're so worried about only having the two of 'em, why don't you breed them?"

"These snakes won't multiply," says the old farmer.

"Why not?"

"They're adders."

"Adders, huh?"

"Yup. Adders."

"I think," says the young farmer, "that I can help you out. I'll see you tomorrow."

The young farmer goes home, chops up some firewood, and out of the logs he fashions a rough but serviceable end table, which he brings back to his neighbor. When they put the two snakes on the table, right away Frank starts to romance Lizzie-bell.

"That's amazing!" says the old farmer. "How'd you do that?"

"It's easy," says the young farmer. "Adders *can* multiply -- but only on a log table."

(I'll be here all week, folks. Don't forget there's a two-drink minimum.)

Answer 3

A dad went to his son's math teacher and said "I'm very concerned, Johnny has developed such a hatred of math, it is causing him to cuss!" "Just last night as he was doing his homework, I heard him say 2+5, the sonofabitch is 7, 4+10, the sonofabitch is 14." The dad continued, "worse yet he says his entire class is saying it, and YOUR TEACHING THEM TO SAY IT!!!!!" Concerned the teacher thought a moment, and it dawned on her, "Oh no Mr. Smith, Johnny misunderstood, we are saying "2+5, the sum of which is 7."

Yup, it's lame, but come on -- it's a math joke!!!

Answer 4

Involving a little higher level math:

What's grey and huge and has integer coefficients?

An elephantine equation.

What's purple and commutes?

An abelian grape

and finally, a classic:

The pilot of a plane on its way out of Poland dies unexpectedly in flight. A passenger is asked to fill in. He looks at the controls and shakes his head. “What’s wrong?” someone asks. The reply: “I’m just a simple Pole in a complex plane.”

Answer 5

Two professor's are sitting in a restaurant debating the general state of math education in the world. Professor A thinks the public is deplorably uneducated, and Professor B thinks the situation is not as bad as all that. When A gets up to go to the bathroom, B calls over the waitress and says to her, "When my colleague gets back, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to say, 'one third x cubed,' ok?" The waitress says, "wonther dexcue?" and the professor keeps making her repeat it until she gets it right. When A comes back, B asks the waitress, "I wonder if you would mind telling my colleague and I, what is the integral of x squared?" The waitress dutifully replies, "one third x cubed." As she walks away, she calls back over her shoulder, "plus a constant."

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I couldn't get to sleep last night because I had a cup of coffee and a donut before bed and spent the whole night trying to figure out which to dunk.

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I couldn't get to sleep last night because I spent the whole night trying to figure out whether i *is* the square root of negative one or i *am* the square root of negative one.

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In a mental institution, one of the patients is going around intimidating all of the others by screaming in their faces, "I differentiate you! I integrate you!" Then he comes to one patient who doesn't respond to him at all. He says to him, "Aren't you scared? I differentiate you! I integrate you!" The other patient replies, "Do it as much as you want, it won't bother me. I'm e^x."

Answer 6

Why was 6 affraid of 7? Cuz 7 ate 9 ... uggg

Answer 7

My favorite math joke:

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise...

Answer 8

Three Indian squaws were sitting around the campfire, bragging. The first squaw says, "My son is a good hunter!" And to prove it, she points to a bear hide one her teepee and says, "My son tracked the bear, killed it and then skinned it and gave me the hide!"
The next squaw says, "My son is an excellent hunter!" And to prove it she points over to her teepee where a buffalo hide is hanging, and she says, "My son tracked the buffalo, and not just the weakest one in the herd, but the strongest one, forced it out of the herd, killed it, skinned it and then gave the hide to me!"
The third squaw, not to be outdone, says "I myself am as good a hunter as your two sons put together!" To prove it she points to a hippopotamus hide on her teepee. "I had to first find a hippopotamus, and you know how rare they are around here, then kill it (which wasn't easy because their skins are so tough), then skin it (which took four knives, because their skins are soooo tough)."
The moral of the story: the squaw of the hippopotamus hide is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Answer 9

This is an r-rated math story, but some of the math is advanced:


http://users.aol.com/fcas/curlypi.html

Answer 10

0+0=0
0-0=0
0x0=0