Should I continue with him or should I end it?

Question

I am so confused, have been married for 8 years and have a child. A couple of years after getting married, I started a friendship on line with Alex. A nice guy also married with 3 kids & it was fine with me, overall I just needed a friend. Then 5 years later we finally meet in person. Slowly a relationship develops, of course no one else knows because of our situations. We now have been together 18 months & I feel we should move forward. He says he loves me and he does show it in many ways. But we are both scared on what will happen next, he also worries about the kids and stuff. We definetely show love and care for each other and is very noticeable to other people. We have sacrificied so much to continue, that it would be crazy to end it. Recently our relationship has nothing but grown stronger. He says that I am very important to him. And that I worry too much. But sometimes I am so confused about this whole thing that I feel it should end. : (.. dont know what to do here.

Answer 1

I think you two should be together. It would be healthier in the long run. You will probably start fighting with your husband and he with his wife and things with get very ugly. I think that eventually you two will work things about concerning the kids and it all will be very comfortable. The love you two have doesn't happen often in life and you may as well enjoy it.

Answer 2

While it's "an affair" it's easy to be happy and care deeply and all that other stuff. You're dating, which is fun -- not dealing the problems, concerns, and worries of a marriage, which is hard work. When you see each other, both of you are at your bests. If you have a messy illness, you stay home with your spouse. You don't see each other trying to discipline your children. You're all groomed and fresh and on a little vacation from 'real life', while marriage is being up to your neck in all the unpleasant details of real life. Try taking up real life with each other, and you will both be disappointed that it will soon grow to resemble the 'old life' you had with your spouse much, much more than the 'magical interlude' of occasional stolen moments with your lover.

If your lover were out of the picture -- suppose he died tomorrow -- would you still be considering leaving your husband? Your decision to stay with or leave your husband should be based entirely on what is happening WITHIN your marriage, not on outside temptations. If you need 'time off' from the marriage now and then, there are ways that mature married people do this that do not include adultry, sneaking around, risking your children's future, etc. Very few adults would be satisfied with a world no larger than spouse, house, and kids. Get satisfaction from career, from an absorbing hobby, from research, from church or volunteer work -- run for city council, be a 'Big Sister' for an at risk teen girl, persue your abandonned interest in clothing design.

Nothing wrong with needing an outside interest, but it sounds like you've let boredom and feeling constriction lead to taking up some negative habits of action and thought, just as if you relieved your discontent by turning to drugs and drink, or to gambling. Get some healthy interests than don't entail risking your future, some worthwhile interests that you can be proud of instead of being sneaking about.

Answer 3

What are you thinking????? You meet someone from offline and think that after 18 months of infidelity to his wife that he can be true to you? Think about it. You have a child that is a part of you and your husband. That bond can never be broke. You obviously loved each other enough to conceive your baby. You need to focus in on why you loved your husband and start talking to him and end it with Andy. Don't ruin Andy's kid's lives and your kids live because of an affair that will amount in nothing. Once again he cheated on his wife, what makes you so special? Obviously, your husband loves you ... anytime a man stays and provides for a woman for eight yrs ... it's true love.. Maybe not Cinderella type fantasy love.... But it's the love that's tried and true ... It's the love that if someone were going to hurt you they would lay down their life to stop it. Think about all the small things your husband does everyday that Andy doesn't have to do for you. Changes the flat, plunges the toilet, kills the roach, mows the lawn, takes out the trash.... all those small things... all signs of true love... I suggest you take your husband out on a date... cook him a romantic dinner. Remember why you first loved him....

PS even if you haven't done the dirty, this is still an emotional affair.... break ties now.

Answer 4

Charmaine is correct. To add more...yes we all know its gonna be very very difficult for you at this stage to take a harsh decision like this of ending your relationship with the other man. But think of the children -- both yours and his...and think of their future. What will they tell their little friends in school ?Please do not neglect them. Give them their world of happiness. You know what FAMILY stands for Father And Mother I Love You. I very strongly feel about these things is perhaps because i miself miss my own sweet family -- twin daughters in grade III and a lovely and caring wife. Bec of work i stay in another country...but still try to catch up with them every about 6 months or so. You are very lucky to have your family all to yourself. Please try not to cheat on your family...think how happy you were with the children coming to the family, were you not feeling on top of the World? Try to spend sometime alone ---completely cut off from everyone, say for four or five hours and do pray a lot bec sincere prayers never go unanswered. Have that confidence. Your mind will not waver. Speak to your heart, be guided and think of your family only for some days. Do not meet with your lover for about a week (its very difficult). Remember that he who treads the hard and difficult way, victory in the long run will be his. All the very best. Thou shall be a Victor in the trueset sense. May God bless you and your family !! Amen.

Answer 5

I think you should end it. If you love him, then you should end it. Loving him means making him a better person by making him a good husband to his wife and a good father to his children.

If you love your children, set an example to them by loving your husband.

Answer 6

so... are you still married? um... if so... uhh idk what to say... If you are divorced... i missed that part... uhh... well how old are your kids? how about his? how do they feel? at this point.. assumingly your kids are the most important part of your life... they come first right? then again, love is what makes the world go round... maybe you should talk with your kids? see what they think...

Answer 7

Thou shall not commit adultery.....end it fast and swift.

Answer 8

unfaithfulness is not good for your conscience.....desire and love ....its just a thin line between.....dont you think for your husband and his wife?

Answer 9

Does he do it in dustbins