I'm a very dominant and sexual person. But my wife isn't. She was raised in a very sheltered and Christain background. She did not have sex til she was in her mid 20's. And even then she has only been with 3 guys (myself included). Is there a way to get her into BDSM to the degree I am or am i a bad person for wanting to try to change her to give me more pleasure. If you need more info ask for it ok.
2006-07-17 22:47:39 · 6 answers · asked by David D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The first thing to dispel is the notion that you can change a person, even someone close like one's spouse. Only they can change themselves. Others only have influence.
With that said, you are not a bad person for wanting to introduce something that you find pleasurable. Indeed, it is actually healthy as this is an honest expression of your wants and urges. To at least introduce the idea is perfectly fine.
The issue then becomes how to deal with her reaction. If she is as prudish as you are intimating, then you'll be in for a rough start. While I can say that your desires are not evil, not everyone else is going to agree. However, she is your wife, for better or for worse, so she needs to know about this aspect of you.
Not that the worst-case-scenario is out of the way, you are likely to get a number of differing reactions, but you can steer them by how you introduce the topic. I would suggest that you gradually introduce elements of BDSM, one at a time if possible, until you start pressing against her boundaries. I'm not saying that you sneak it in, just be gentile with introducing it.
Nevertheless, there were come a point where a hard boundary will likely be hit. It might come at the very beginning. It might go deep into the introduction. Only she will be able to tell.
One final thought. I would recommend approaching this from the vantage point of not just your own pleasure, but hers as well. Ultimately, BDSM is about a relationship, and in order for a relationship to succeed, both persons involved have to get something out of it.
Hope that helps.
2006-07-18 15:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by Ѕємι~Мαđ ŠçїєŋŧιѕТ 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You should be open and honest about it. Prepare yourself for a negative answer. Your not a bad person but you should've discussed this with her before you married. If this is a new fantasy for you, share it with her, she might try it just because she wants to satisfy you but don't be pushy about it . Did she know you were in to this before you wed?
2006-07-17 22:51:42 · answer #2 · answered by Tainted_Halo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
uhhh... im not sure... she is i am assuming a very strong believer in christ... and that alone would stop her from maybe even considering it. To be honest... i think there might not be a way for her ot be in it... unless she is comfortable with that idea... you coudl try comforting her, u know tel her how much you care... but i dont suggest pushing her to do that...
2006-07-17 22:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is not into it by now, you are on your own. There must be more to your relationship than sex right? Do like I do, surf the net. Yes it gets old, but it keeps me from straying.
2006-07-17 22:51:22 · answer #4 · answered by a1quick57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's probably too shy i think...u need to win her trust and help her understand u n ur needs better and if u can arouse the same needs in her, u'll be set to roll !
2006-07-17 23:18:46 · answer #5 · answered by Nisha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its either shes for it or not. You can persuade or entrance her to do some kinky sex sometimes, i guess. But you'll never live the lifestyle if she's not into it. If she's a vanilla, she's a vanilla.
2006-07-17 22:54:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋