I have just found out the my mother used a gangster to threaten my father?

Question

he was trying to get custody off myself, brother and sister. That was 25 years ago but since contact has been brief and now I want to get to know him. My mother told my fiance who carried the secret for 2 months, she told me in an arguement about my mother and know I dont know how to approach my mother? This situation is like something from a bad movie! My fiance is now threatening to leave me and take my daughter because I dont know how to handle this mess?

Answer 1

Why on earth is your fiancé threatening you to leave with your daughter, please do not tell me it is due to this mess of your family..........
I have been there done it but slightly different, my boyfriend was the first of 5 or so we all thought. yep you guessed it I was the one to be told of her first born that she put up for adoption and none of the other new of this, it was nice to know she could confide in me yet I had pure anger as I hated knowing this yet my fiancé hadn’t a clue, I was like you fiancé and had to carry this for as long as possible then had to blurt it out, I thought he had more of a right to know than me and hated not being able to tell him but I did in the end. He too didn't know how to confront his mum as this put me in the position of being someone who opened my mouth yet at the end of the day she should have confided in her own sons and daughters first. So if your ma shouts or says that your fiancé shouldn't have told you get her told that she should not have put this on your fiancé to keep from you. And if you are mad at you fiancé for keeping this from you believe me it is not easy as I wanted so much to just tell him but in my head all I could see was me being the bad one for telling him,,,,, at the end of the day if your mum didn't want you to know she should not have put your fiancé in the position of having to keep this from you,,,,,, it may of took her some time to tell you but the fact is she obviously cares about you to have told you as this is obvious to cause some conflict with someone and instead of putting the heat on your mum, I am afraid your mum can pass the buck to your fiancé for telling you. If your mum wanted you to know she should have spoken to you and not put your relationship at risk.
Good luck mate

Answer 2

Chill out! Seriously it happened 25 years ago as your mother said! Don't fuckup your life because of what your parents did, that just stupid!

Have you ever thought about why your mother went to such desperate lengths to keep you with her? Because she loves you, and probably did not trust your father to raise you well. I expect that he was a threat to her in some way for her to have to hire heavy's to keep him away.

I don't really understand what your fiance is doing. Why hold it from you if she is gonna then blurt it out in an argument!?!? either say it or not, don't use it against you. Then after dropping the bombshell is saying that she will leave! That's gonna mess with your head, its not very compassionate.

I advise that you sit on it for two months. Think about whether it is a good idea to bring your dad back into your life at this time. Talk to your mum, brother, sister and fiance. Your decision affects everyone including your daughter, so think about your priorities. Also if you make contact, you might be forcing your brother and sister into an awkward situation, so def clear things with them, hes not just your dad.

Answer 3

Hello honey,
what a situation! well firstly you should consider whether its worth losing your family over this. I know its hard but you must sort this in order to keep your fiancee and daughter. Just go see your mum alone and tell her you want to see your dad more and ask her if she has any objections and why? maybe there is more to tell and trust me once you both start opening up then everything usually flows. Tell her how you feel and that its ruining your own relationship. Write all the questions down before seeing her. Its messing your head up and no doubt your fiancees too. The longer it takes to sort out the harder it will be. I wish you all the best. Take care x

Answer 4

Your female fiance is taking your child.
That why your Mother did it. There must not have
been strong family males around that she wanted
to involve.
Your Mother knew what type of man your Father was.
If he was a family provider.
If he worked.
If he saw other women.
If he would pass all of you over to other family
members to raise.

Did your Mother feed you?
Make sure you had a place to live?
Gave you the things you needed?
She love you, with the love of a Mother?

I would take her a flower.
Then say.
"Mom, or Mother, I think we need to talk about Dad.
Tell her that you want her to tell you about it..

Answer 5

whoooooooooooaaaaahhhh slow down hun, firstly sort things out with your gal? and your ma must have been very scared by your dad, she wouldnt have done anything that she didnt need to hun, after all she was protecting you !! any man worth his salt would never give up on his kids, an he did coz someone said leave them alone, cmon stop making excuses for him, he took the easy road out, did he pay for your upkeep? did you get birthday cards? did his family care? well then, you only get one mother phone her up say your sorry an you love her an can you talk about it xxdont be your fathers mistake , be your mothers pride xx

Answer 6

As hard as it is talk to your mother on what you have been told or even your father (if thats possible) you need to get your feelings about this out in the open