I have been with my bf for 6 years and he has made it clear to me that he does not want to get married...he has even mentioned that I should move in with him...but he doesn't want to get married...he says he doesn't believe in marriage...should I throw away my dreams of marriage and move in with him in the future or should I look for someone else?
2006-07-17 20:59:40 · 24 answers · asked by sexyprincess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok, first of all, i don't believe in marriage either. i don't know what his reasons are for not believing in it, but i'll tell you about mine, just to get my point across...
i grew up in an old fashioned community of roman catholics. it was unthinkable for anyone to just move in together, or for a child not to be baptized. this is what i saw my whole life...
I saw that married people around me never seemed to be happy. Really happy. There was the whole chase thing, and it was all fun and exciting right up until the wedding, and then almost instantly, the honeymoon was over. i saw that suddenly people didn't try anymore. it was like marriage was the end of the romance, the goal that needed to be achieved, and once that was done, you could relax and just go on with the practicalities of life. suddenly, there were no more dates, no more effort to be attractive, no little gifts for no good reason. all around me, people went from the happy new couple to taking each other for granted in the time it took to say "i do". i saw people go home to a miserable marriage because it was expected of them. i saw people pine for all the things they could have had instead. i promised myself i would never let that happen to me.
i learned that marriage and commitment are not the same thing, and that i don't want commitment that is based on such a stupid thing as a piece of paper. what i want is to know, every time that he comes home, that he is there because he wants to be, and for no other reason. yes, he could be going to some bar with his friends, but he isn't, he's walking in the door to be with me. i want to know that because we're not married, we'll have to keep working at keeping each other's interest. that i'll continue to dress up for him, and go on diets if i put on weight, and that i'll unexpectedly have a special dinner waiting. and he'll bring me flowers for no good reason, and take me out on a date. we won't be able to take each other for granted. that doesn't mean either one of us would be seeing other people. marriage isn't the only form of commitment.
it takes a lot of love and a lot of trust to make a relationship like that work. it also takes a lot of honesty. but if you can get it to work, it will beat every dream you ever had of being married.
you have been with this guy for 6 years, so you are the best judge of his commitment level. don't let people tell you that if he really loved you, he would be willing to commit, as if he hasn't been commited for the last 6 years already. trust your gut on this.
my suggestion would be - talk to him about marriage. find out why he feels the way he does. explain to him why you feel the way you do. then if you love him enough, find a compromise. say, if i move in with you, but find that i can't be happy that way, will you marry me? give yourself a time limit. say a year.
you should not throw away your dreams for anyone. however, you need to realize some dreams are just that, dreams... they don't necessarily turn out to be what you want or need. things don't always work out that way. if you and your bf love each other, try to find a compromise, somewhere in between. and please don't sacrifice true love, if that is what it is, for the sake of a dream. true love is a lot harder to come by than a different dream, that you can pursue together. if you do, you will regret it.
2006-07-17 22:42:46 · answer #1 · answered by gwenwifar 4 · 7⤊ 4⤋
What is the difference if you are living with him? People have lived together their whole lives without marriage. All it is, is a piece of paper that gives the state posession of your properties. You probably just want to get married so you can get a big engagement ring and show it off to your friends, and then be pampered when you have a marriage ceremony. You are extremely selfish. I say leave your boyfriend and let him find someone that deserves him because you sure as hell don't deserve him. You are way too immature and self-centered.
2006-07-17 21:08:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if really Love him and marriage is not that important to you then you should consider staying. if marriage is really important and he dont want to get married but he still treats you good and you guys share the same dreams(except marriage) and are working towards a future on the same path then consider staying. if he beats you then consider leaving, if you feel like When you wake up tomorrow you can find a man who treats you the same or better that your man or maybe you can accomplish more than you have in 6yrs then consider leaving. the choice is yours and also any consequences. good luck
2006-07-17 21:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by sexylousleo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on....people who cannot commit are ******* who'll eventually want to quit....
I hate people who cannot committ.....you'll ruin your sanity cuz this is a convenient arrangement for your boyfriend...the day he starts getting over you...he'll emotionally make your life hell by whining about your shortcomings or finding some excuse or the other to move away from you. And maybe he already knows that you can't do without him. So once he's over you emotionally and is over the sex....he's gonna do all that and leave you as an emotional wreck. LEAVE HIM...threaten him to committ or just move on. Frickle people are not worth it. And let me tell you...you'll have your moment of glory when you have left him and gone and after a year or 2 he calls you and desperately asks you to take him back...AS HIM TO TAKE A STAND..and then make him worthy of all your respect and love
2006-07-17 21:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by Viruosity 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, make up your mind to leave him over it. Then, ask him, "You don't believe in marriage, huh? Well do you believe in staying with me? I'm getting married some day, and the next words out of your mouth will decide whether I get married to you, or someone else... I'm waiting..."
2006-07-17 21:40:09 · answer #5 · answered by 42ITUS™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on why he does not believe in marriage. I think you should tell him how you feel about marriage, that it is important to you. If you are meant to be you will be able to work something out with each other.
2006-07-17 21:18:09 · answer #6 · answered by ChaCha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seriously that really depend on you..Having a marriage would means something like a promise that you guys will be by each other side regardless of riches or woes. And getting marriage would so called get you a status.
2006-07-17 21:04:54 · answer #7 · answered by Stephen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u r planning 2 stay with him u r wrong.if u live with him without getting married then society wont let you live.one has 2 move acc. to norms of society.its easy 2 say but really difficult to experience.marriage itself is a social norm u cant ignore it.gud luck.
2006-07-17 21:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by Jaswinder k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it all depends where u live...i mean the society u live in.if u live in marriage dominating country then u should take decision very carefully and if u live in open minded country then carry on live in relation.but as i have noticed ur lines and i have learned that ur boyfriend is not sure about u and can leave u any time.so b sure b4 u take any step.
2006-07-17 21:13:24 · answer #9 · answered by aora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can see marriage is important to u...and therin lies ur answer.
u must know that if he loved u he wud accept marriage for ur sake...however is there anything else to him,does he have a real reason for not wanting marriage?
i think u shd look for someone else...to cherish u the way u believe love is all about
2006-07-17 21:07:45 · answer #10 · answered by El-rene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋