where should i tell my three yr. old her dad is? (he is locked up)?

Question

i have been seperated from my ex. for 2yrs. he has never really paid support but he always took our 3yr. old. girl for days at a time. we never had issues. he recently went to jail to do 5yrs. and my child is taking it real hard. i have made an appointment for her to see a social worker. she bites. spits. pee's on her sitter's sofa. kicks the kids,screems.she has never been like this. and when she do these things she stops and cries and says her daddy has left her. does she really understand? she has been kicked out her daycare and i had to stop working. if i leave her with anyone (expt. my mom) she really gets out of control. i have tried time out, taking her toys even tapped her hand once. I am lost. her dad called her once since he left (03/2006) he has a kid on the way and i thought i got along with the girl until he went to jail she has told him that i am harrasing her. not true. should i write him? ask him what's up? i need to know what do i tell her she is 3yrs she cry at nites

Answer 1

Make sure you keep that appointment!!!

If that therapist doesn't work out, GET A NEW ONE!!!

Try your Local Child & Family Services, Mental Health Clinic. They do wonders with children.

Sure write him. Why not? That way you will know what is going on!

Answer 2

This sux. Remember shes only 3 , love her, no need to explain jail, she wont understand. Tell her hes gone away and will come back. Bad thing is , she'll have to relearn him in a couple of years(no one does full time). Worse thing is you have your child around someone that is not only a deadbeat, but a criminal. She acts out becuase she probably doesnt have enough good influences, why would you put a child in that spot? You still ahve time, good parenting isnt easy, quit looking at the small problem, raise your child in a loving manor around those that provide good examples, starting with you.
I wish you luck.

Answer 3

I feel really bad for you and your child!
I would have to say good counseling and Lot's of love and patients. You still need to have rules and discipline because her behavior is not healthy not just for her but you and her siblings as well. I would try Dr. Phil I have never seen any shows about this before maybe he can help. Sorry if not much help just remind her that you and her Daddy love her very much and if you have to tell her he is doing important work helping people who need him really bad and tell that SOB of a father that put all of his children and you in that hellish position that he needs to call every week and write the and send the pictures as much as possible.

Answer 4

She needs to know that her dad is away from her because he made a mistake. And that he loves her very much but cannot take her again until he is done fixing things. You need to make sure she knows that it is not because he doesnt love her anymore that he is not active in her life and that he Has to take care of this first cause that is what the judge said. Like timeout or something. Let her draw him pictures, etc and mail them to him if possible. Send him stamps or whatever so he can write her back.

Kathy

Answer 5

Talk to your ex and tell him what's going on and ask if he can make more of an effort to contact his little girl. Phone calls, letters, whatever.

Tell her that he had to go far away for a little while but that he will come back, she will gradually get better and understand more. You can try to make it sound like he's on vacation or on an adventure if it helps.

I know a lot of people will tell you not to lie to children but what can it hurt if it helps her to cope with a situation she doesn't understand??

Just remember you need to show her that her bahaviour is undesirable but you understand she's unhappy and that you still love her no matter what.

Answer 6

A friend of mine had a similar problem. She rented a video of men in jail (one with hardly any violence) and told her daughter that is like the place where daddy is. She said that he did something bad and has to stay where the bars are on the doors and he can't get out. If he is good for awhile he will be able to get out and come home. If you have any pictures of him handy, put it in an envelope with a letter printed by him ( or a friend) saying something similiar to what the movie ( but real short) was like. Like you could say............dear................ I was a bad boy and i have to stay in a different house. They wont let me out until i can be good again. Here is a picture of me.....I love you...and when they say i am a good boy again....I will come home.....Remember that I love you. Kiss my picture good night every night. Send me a picture of you so I can kiss you good night too. I love you...love daddy.
What works for one may not work for another, but you could give this a try. Who knows your daughter may grow up to be a lawyer.

Answer 7

Poor little thing,what a mess.

She needs to be told the truth so she understands. But by a professional who can deal with her at this age. Perhaps you need to get help with dealing with her too... professional guidance.

She's acting out the only way she knows how because she just doesnt understand. Get professional help fast.

Answer 8

Tell her he is in an extended time out.

It also might make her think twice when she misbehaves.