we have been together for 15 yrs now,life isn't grand but we get by,i have never let her go without anything,i work hard, we pay our bills, were buying a home,she has a nice car to drive,we got some money put away,so my ? is ,why do i want to leave,i do still love her,but i just feel like packing a few things and leaving,no their isn't another woman!i just want out,and i don't understand why i'm feeling this way.and i need to know why i'm wanting to do this to her,she has always been a good wife and mother,so why am i wanting to just walk away from it all?any help would be appreciated.
2006-07-17 20:51:32 · 15 answers · asked by hshellraiser 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you sound like you are listing alot of material things that is making your relationship easier and less stressfull. But what is making it better emotionally? Do you two make that special conection very often.(no I am not talking $ex) a real connection. Do you go on regular dates with each other without the kids. When is the last time you spent time together without talking about work or bills. Talk about a day trip you want to take. Or take a trip to the nearest park and find a trail to go hiking in. Sometimes it is important to go on things like that so you can enjoy each others company and feel OK to be silent and not have to talk. You sound like you need a break anyhow. When is the last time grandma had the kids for the weekend. Try a new and fun place that is like your own secret getaway.
If you need some time to yourself. Go for a bike, run, or walk. Does your job offer a gym memebr ship. Soemtimes working out even in a gym can get your stress out and give you non-family time. There are also things you can do like, take a class that you wanted to do for a long time. The local college or recreation center should have something that you would enjoy.
I guess my point is that sometimes things get redundant. Or you can feel like you have lost yourself and need to find yourself. Make steps toward doing that. You will be better for it. Maybe it will make your relationship better. If it does not, and you still want to leave, then maybe you have growing out of the relationship. You still made yourself better. Just remember it is OK to love and not be in love. I am sure you know that being with her for that long. Best wishes. Blessed be.
2006-07-17 21:08:42 · answer #1 · answered by singitoutloudandclear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you're feeling is very confusing - because you do love your wife. It happens to me too sometimes as a married wife, I love my husband dearly but sometimes I wish we had a couple days apart - even without an argument. Give yourself some credit for recognising what is happening - that's a good sign. Try to remember why you fell in love with each other, look at a really old picture of you together. Surprise her with a holiday, do something crazy with her, get excited and have fun together, if possible away from the kids. You could even just write down 10 reasons why you love her to remind yourself or share with her if you want. Chances are she's noticed this with you too and is wondering what's wrong. 15 years is great, you may want to cherish that in this day and age.
2006-07-17 21:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lis L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think this is the "middle age crisis" that some men get? It is normal for people to reach a point in the lives and take stock of what they have accomplished. Maybe you have done this without realizing it. Maybe you expected you would have accomplished more by now. There really isn't anything wrong about these feelings. I hate to sound like a commercial, but it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about it. Maybe it's a mild form of depression. Counseling may help, too. Please don't give up until you understand why you feel this way.
2006-07-17 20:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just probably miss being a bachelor ... all the freedom and all and you dont want to be tied down with commitment.
ask yourself is that fair to her... she has committed her life to you, she trusted you all this while... You still love her but you just want some space for the time.
Go for a holiday... but then again you may break her heart if she finds out you want to be alone... she may worry that there is someone eles...
You also got to understand that she has cared for the family all these while and it is unfair for you to take a break and not give her one... maybe suggest that both of you take a break at different times... just to ease things out and discover what you have forgotten about each other and the love you share.
Walking out is no answer... you are being selfish... she has also done her part in this family, see it and respect it.
Take time to think and rekindle your love.
2006-07-17 20:59:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sheila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think this is a matter about marriage. just u are unsatisfied with a life which had become a rountine. Same things all day and no future changings expected. She is gona live like this next 1000 of years but u feel your life goes away and nothing is going to happen.I am having same situation with my husband. He is great man, we have common interests and good sex.But i feel i need a change.
You should concentrate on your feelings. What you wana do except live like this with her... You should do it!!! It doesnt mean u dont respect her. When u ll be happy you can enlighten her life too.
2006-07-17 21:06:35 · answer #5 · answered by Olyga 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well darlin' lets see, as a former lady of the evening... Maybe your sex life needs a little spice. Try something new..Think about how it used to be when you first met and could not keep your hands off her. She is still the same chick..you know.. maybe she misses it as much as you do.. do something a little wild.. take a bubblebath together..use some whipped cream, chocolate and your tounge and imagination...that should get your motor turned back in the right direction.. sometimes it is just called reliablity bordom...reve up your motor and go try to recharge hers.
2006-07-17 21:06:39 · answer #6 · answered by marilee w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need some time to urself...thats all.
the pressure of making things add up to perfect or just about awrt is getting to u.
it isnt her u want out from its boredom.
u need to think quietly, spend some quiet time by a lake or in a quiet garden, think bout what u wanted to be in life..u'll find ur answers there...then share ur findings with her, tell her this hidden side of u...u'l do better than get by my friend.
life is so much more than food and clothes, though it is a major eater of income...u need something to relax with..i noticed all u talked about was the house and family.dont u go for a walk/jog/or help out at a charity/even God...is He there in ur scheme of things?
take care Good luck to u
2006-07-17 21:14:32 · answer #7 · answered by El-rene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to talk to her about your feelings. You and your wife need to go to marriage counseling to figure out where these feeling are coming from.Don't throw your marriage away and then you may never get it back if you change your mind later. There are so many memory's and probably the best women and mother to your children you could ever find. Don't throw it away!
2006-07-17 21:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by erica/gabriel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it really that bad or are you just letting your feeling overrun you? Have you talked to her after 15 years about this? Seek marriage councelling, together and by yourself. Don't just walk away. Try to work your feelings out first.
My husband and I have been together about the same time, I would surely hope he could talk to me about anything before he did something rash and devastating.
2006-07-17 21:29:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's time for the two of you to go on a weekend or week trip to get to know each other again,without anyone bothering you,or phones ringing,,,get some talking in,laughter,walking etc
2006-07-17 21:11:14 · answer #10 · answered by rosie w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋