When someone tells you something that's mean, but true, is it a lack of tact or blunt honesty?

Answer 1

Blunt honesty,something this country needs more of!

Answer 2

As said by others, it depends on the situation. The intent of the person doing the telling is probably the best indicator.

I recall a friend in high school that did not use deodorant because he did not believe that he had BO. I could tolerate the smell, but just barely, but the rest of the class talked about him behind his back. I also know that he lost out on a few dates because of it. During a school trip, he shared a motel room with me and two other guys. While we dressed for a dinner event during the trip, I casually tossed him my can of Right Guard and said, "Here, try this new scent. The one you have been using is the one my granddad uses." He made use of the spray and later, when we were alone, he asked why I did that. He went on to say he knew that some people made fun of him, but that he did not believe them because he could not smell himself. I told him that the use of the deodorant was not for himself, but for everyone else. During the discussion, I did not make fun, and I did not turn it into something personal. I did my best at being detached and clinical about the topic. The only lighthearted part was when I tossed him the can of deodorant. I tried to do that in a way that avoided causing him any embarrassment.

Hmm... is this where I say that this kid grew up to own some fortune 500 company and now I live off of the stock he gave me when the company went public? I wish!! :) It is a true story, nonetheless. (The deodorant part is true, not the fortune 500 company part.)

Some busybodies that think they have the right to impose their values on everyone around them. Most find unsolicited personal advice from busybodies to be rude. Who wants someone that you do not like to tell you that you wear your pants too tight? That type of advice has no constructive intent, only destructive intent. I have no problem telling busybodies to “mind their own business” when they overstep good manners.

I hope that helps….

Will D
Enterprise AL

Answer 3

It is both, but more often than not, it can be perceived as a lack of tact. You can say something as blunt honesty if it is asked of you.

Answer 4

When anyone tells you anything that is mean, whether it is true or not, you need to ask yourself what motivated that person. We are not merely robots who walk about the earth blurting out truth wherever we go. Otherwise, there would be no liars among us, and unfortunately, there are many of those. Also, one persons truth may not be the same as yours.

Some people are merely ignorant. They failed to develop that interpersonal conversational tool known as tact. They are deficient in good breeding, not to mention manners.

Some are more malevolent. They secretly enjoy causing others pain and clothe themselves in "truth" in order to avoid the social stigma associated with being a bully.

Most people who are blunt to the point of hurting others are of the latter variety. They have low self-esteem and seek to build themselves up by tearing others down. Sick? Yes, but sadly true.

There are lots of variables here. If you are leaving the house on an important date or business meeting, and you have clothing coordination issues, being told by an otherwise loving and affirming family member that you might look better in somthing that fits looser, covers more, or is slightly dressier, is an act of kindness...depending on whether they are insulting in delivery.

If the person is considered a "friend", examine your experience with the "friendship". Is this a person you can really count on in a crisis. Was the statement made with pure motives to inform you and keep you from being embarassed at a later date? Is this person generally supportive of you and not jealous in regard to the manner at hand?

Is this person a stranger or mere axquaintance? If so, the remark was impertinent, at best, and mallicious most likely.

The bottom line is, was the remark intended to save you embarassment or hurt? If it wasn't, or if the person was armed with nothing more than their own humble opinion, you would most likely be better off not giving the person or their opinions free rent in your head.

Most of what we do, as humans, is selfish in nature. Otherwise, liver would be a more popular snack than cake, chocolate, cookies, chips and other "comfort" foods. Even when we do "good deeds", if we are honest with ourselves, we are motivated by the good feelings we get from doing the good deed. Likewise, what comes out of our mouths speaks of the condition of our hearts. A heart of love rarely errs in hurting those it loves. If so, apologies are sincere and immediately forthcoming.

You might want to look into listening only to people whom you are sure have your best interests at heart.

Good luck, gentle soul. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and with kindness, regardless of what situation you are in. The person who treats you with less that this, is not your friend, and probably someone you should avoid. Future unsolicited advice/information from this person should be weighed carefully in light of your own feelings about the matter.

Good luck and don't take the labels of others freely upon yourself. Everyone has the "right' to be wrong and you have the "right" to feel good about yourself.

Answer 5

Depends. There is constructive criticism, there is honesty, and there is tactlessness, depends on the reason why they told it to you. I prefer knowing the actual opinion people have of me, so I would never accuse a person who told me the truth of lacking anything.

Answer 6

It depends on the situation and your relationship with this person. If they are out just to hurt you or to be a friend by telling you the truth no matter how hurtful it may be. You've heard of the saying "Cruel to be kind"

Answer 7

Depends, what did it feel like. Sounds like you think it was an attack, so it probably was. hatever your reality is, is what ir really is to you, and thats what matters. Honesty is always good, but keep the people out of your life that are cruel, no one deserves to be attacked, lifes challenging enough without that silly stuff.

Answer 8

Lack of tack, because the truth can hurt someone just as bad as a lie

Answer 9

The truth hurts and it takes a real friend to say something so truthfully real and risk losing a friend.

Answer 10

Blunt honesty.Why cover it up if the other person knows you know about it?