i have been married for 8 and a half years, and we have been trying for 6 years for a baby, and finally we are pregnant...i am 6 months along...anyways....our life was going really well...we had a home and my husband had a good job and all that jazz....well, some old bills caught up with us, and my husband's paychecks began getting garnished, and i begged him to get a second job just for a few months to get us through, especially with the added expense of needing to buy baby clothes and furniture...well, he apparantly just could not bring himself to get another job, and we ended up losing our place to live, he had to quit his very good job...and we had to move in with friends...two states away!! i am miserable here....can't find a decent ob/gyn...and i am very angry towards my husband for letting this happen...today i kinda flipped out and just let all of my bad feelings loose on him, and now he is mad at me...how do i let go of my resentment and just focus on the crappy future ahead?
2006-07-17 19:28:43 · 23 answers · asked by justjaime25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, thats tough....he was very inconsiderate and well, stupid. I don't know how you can get over resentment......
Think Positive
2006-07-17 19:32:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did he have to quit his "good job?" That isn't a good thing to do when you have bills to pay - I'm assuming you didn't have enough for rent/living expenses after garnishment. Regardless, having two of you unemployed while expecting a baby is asking for disaster. How are the medical bills going to be paid? During the entire time you've been married, how come the previous debts weren't attended to? And I'm assuming you never invested any money over the 8 yrs. If the debts are very high, you could claim bankruptcy as a last resort. Good luck fixing your credit rating. I guess you're both going to have to sacrifice for a while until you can get back on your feet. Unfortunately, most places that rent will do credit checks. Do you have any family that can help you out? My best advice is that he find a job or two asap!
As for you, maybe you can do some child care on the side for cash (in another's home if you have to). Can you temp in the meantime? Office receptionist? Any way you look at it, as long as you have income the bill collectors will be after you for garnishment. This world isn't kind to people that have financial issues, that's for sure.
The temporary living arrangement you have will wear & tear on all of you. Just make sure you find a way to keep your prenatal checkups, even if that means going to social services in your area. Grin & bear it, the baby will refocus your attentions and you both are going to have to pull it together for the sake of baby!
2006-07-18 02:38:53 · answer #2 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why oh WHY do you women clammer to have a kid when things aren't well in the world?
And YOU are pregnant, it's not WE.
Everything for the baby, huh? If you're only 6 months along, YOU can find a job too, ya' know.
Get your baby clothes and all that "fun" stuff from the Goodwill. Make it a priority to stop leaching on your friends who probably fully resent your stupid decisions anyway and you've created a hardship on them.
Consider giving up the baby for adoption, maybe taking some money for it.
Don't stress your husband with YOUR requirements. Get another job...yeah, YOU'RE fun to come home to.
2006-07-18 02:38:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your future isn't crappy unless you want it to be. You have a bigger issue with an irresponsible man not paying his bills or taxes on time. That's the man you married and the father of your kid. This so called bills catching up with you isn't an excuse. He was running and sweeping it under a rug hoping it would go away. This is deeply psychological and you need to learn about it and understand where it comes from. Get him to sit and talk with you and both of you act like mature adults in a calm matter if you really want this to work out. You aren't enemies o.k. He is human and humans mess up sometimes. Sometimes more often than others. Why are you having a baby when you are this tight anyway? Do you both have your careers set?
2006-07-18 02:35:34 · answer #4 · answered by djprall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One good thing to TRY and do is think positive about your future. Just look at the situation as a bump in the road that you will get over, everything happens for a reason. Focus on trying to get your life back on track, let the past go, the last thing you need to do now is lose your husband. I too am six months pregnant, due in october, it's harder to deal with life altering things right now, you just want to scream and give up, don't. Keep telling yourself that it will get better.
2006-07-18 02:46:42 · answer #5 · answered by mandy k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
things sound as though they are falling apart, hmm, things should start looking up here shortly.
Once you reach bottom the only way to go is up.
If you plan on staying with your man, help him stay confident and help him understand that being pregnant is no piece of cake and that you may and will become very irritable and say things you dont mean. Build his confidence by being positive. He knows he totally f u cked up and doesnt need to be reminded by you, coming home to sleep at a friends house with a pregnant wife is reminder enough.
If you stay positive things will probably turn for the better. If things dont get better you may want to end the relationship for the benefit of the child.
No offense but what good is a father who has low self-esteem and doesnt bring in enough money because he couldnt push through the tough times?
If he doesnt get his act together he is not worth it, a good man would take what he can get to support his wife and unborn child. He should believe in martyrdom for his child and wife.
2006-07-18 02:36:31 · answer #6 · answered by hectortuba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pregnancy is a very emotional time in your life... Now is probably not the time to resolve things wait til the baby comes i know that will be hard but right now you are on an emotional rollercoaster...TRUST ME im pregnant. Having a baby really puts a strain on a relationship even if its good but right now since you are having problems anyway its going to be even harder, HANG TOUGH and have a healthy baby and then work out your problems... Sounds like your husband needs to grow up though you are bringing a life into the world soon and he needs to be responsible for what he helped create. I would be honest about your feelings but dont put too much pressure on yourself or your husband to resolve it right now... All things work out for the best in time...
2006-07-18 02:34:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this but half of it is your fault not totally his.You shld hv saved for the rainy days.Man can get pissed of very easily but if they love you they will really go all out for it.You are six mths pregnant and you can't search for a job in this manner I m sure.Try to do some home business to restore things.At least give it a try and tell him that you will help with such a big financial problem.He will feel less stressed and will also understand that you are also taking your part of the responsibility.Things will turn out to be better.Wish you good Luck.
2006-07-18 02:34:17 · answer #8 · answered by Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know stress believe me, I'm stuck at my parents with a baby and husband who refuses to get a job (over 2 years). I think that your husband may have felt like he was a working mule , and getting that second job would have made him more of one, and would have kept him away from you. I know things seem tough now but remember your going to have a beautiful baby soon(that you've been waiting for a longtime). I know I'm a stranger what do I know but it seems like you have a place to live, a husband you loves you, and friends to help you. I have a lot of resentment against my husband too, I guess it will go away with every good thing that happens to you. your situation is temporary remember that.
2006-07-18 02:46:31 · answer #9 · answered by justme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for your situation. This is what happens when someone doesn’t know all the past or background of the person one is going to marry. Did you and your husband incur these debts together? You have every right to have and express those feelings to your husband. I believe both of you would benefit from marriage and financial counseling.
Your husband needs to get a job and pay his debts off. He should not expect society to pay for him.
If your husband does not pay them, then he will never have or owned much of anything and what ever he will own, it will never amount to beans. He will never own anything substantial under his name. What kind of example will this be for your child ?
How can he allow you to live like this? The problem you have is that these debts have also ruined your credit too.
2006-07-18 03:30:33 · answer #10 · answered by mklwis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like one bad thing caused the snowball effect and ya'll lost control. With you being pregnant things are going to seem worse then they really are. Stay open with your husband and work with him through these frustrations. You may be going through hard time but it wont last. You dont want to ruin your marriage over stupid stuff. Try reading the book "Dont sweat the small stuff" and relax and enjoy your pregnancy. You waited a long time for this. Soon you will be back on your feet, with the man you fell in love with and your new beautiful baby. Good Luck!
2006-07-18 02:37:57 · answer #11 · answered by rubettalace 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋