The kids are getting older[14,17,20] and I'm so lonely. My husband works am to pm. How do I get a divorce[after20yrs] and be finnacialy set. He has no idea I want this. He has taken advantage of me,he hardly knows I'm around and I have tried to make it right. And he looks just like his dad,fat,bad teeth,rotton toes.He was so handsome many years ago.
2006-07-17 18:34:35 · 13 answers · asked by redheadsRbeter 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he's not abusing you in any way, why not hang around til the youngest graduates high school. In the meantime, you brush up on classes & prepare yourself for the job market or work on a new career. Save a few bucks, then file if you still want out. I think your youngest deserves a stable home environment (if it's not abusive) bc the teen years are very important and you can still work on your own professional development in the meantime.
2006-07-17 19:51:33 · answer #1 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to hear that things have dragged on for so long, without any real change. What a terrible way to watch a dream die.
It sounds like, underneath it all, the loneliness has created a lot of anger because he hasn't seemed to respond to you or thought much about you.
Why does he work so much anyway? Do you actually need all the money (i.e., can he justify what he has done), or is he just choosing his job over you, and why would he be doing that? Has he ever let you in and talked about that with you?
Just curious: Deep down, if you had the choice (i.e., if you had limitless power to just snap your fingers and make either a definite reality ), would you at core still want to save the marriage, or would you just want to end it now?
I am only asking because, even if you take him for all he is worth, I would be afraid that the anger would still be there, and you wouldn't feel any better. Revenge tends to sour in the belly... especially if deep-down part of you wishes things could have been different. All the money in the world won't make up for what you feel as if you have lost.
I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud. I don't mean to minimize any of the pain you've experienced, because I know it feels like crap to have someone you wanted to love seem to not return that gift back to you, for years on end. It stinks.
I just know that the attitude you end up with needs to be one that will keep you from hurting yourself (and the kids) as much as you'd like to hurt him for the ways in which he has failed you...
Anyway, take care.
2006-07-17 18:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love him? If you don't life is too short existing in that sort of relationship. However if you do love him tell him..mabe show him what you have written on this site, get him a makeover..weight watches diet..mabe you could get him to go for a walk everyday with you. I know these are the things I need to do as well.
Divorce is messy & nasty. We often get into a rut in marriage & the grass always looks greener on the otherside so if there are still feelings there kick up a stink..show your serious it may just be the answer.
2006-07-17 18:47:21 · answer #3 · answered by been there 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like one main reason you're still with him is money. What's more important to you: being able to buy things you don't need or being free to live your life as you please and seek a different mate?
Divorce isn't a bad thing. It just hurts for awhile. Then it gets better.
I was married for 9 years, then divorced. Now my ex is remarried and happier and has a baby. I'm engaged to the love of my life and I have a good relationship with my kids (ages 11 and 9).
At one point after my separation, I was so poor that I stayed in my vehicle to save money. It was worth it. Now I own my own business and I'm paying off all those old bills.
Addiction to material things, gadgets, car payments, and other money-sucking activities is an expensive trade for peace of mind, simplicity, and freedom.
2006-07-17 18:41:33 · answer #4 · answered by Baxter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your first problem is you are a homemaker!!! get out of the house and do something. go get a job and you wont be thinking about how to be a homewrecker. you are obviously bored to death because you do nothing at home, your kids are grown and you can get out there and do something. i have three kids and i am working and im not bored with my life. if you had a job you wouldnt have to worry about your hubby looking so bad , becuase then he would be able to afford it and not complian about getting his teeth fixed or loosing weight. you married him for better or worse not you are taking it back and want out, because things look bad, you werent serious about your relationship. he is better off without you.
2006-07-17 18:54:17 · answer #5 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look in a mirrow and tell me do you look the same now as you did.20. years ago in my opion you need a job and get out of there lifes you mentioned homewrecker. am i not right seemslike you are looking for a ok to do what you have done in my opion you ned to hit the road jack and dont come back no more at all he can do better at the corner than being with you my opion ?
2006-07-17 19:06:38 · answer #6 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You file for divorce. But give the guy a chance to straighten up his act...... if he doesn't, leave, simple. Divorces are best handled in a nonadversarial manner in which the two of you use the same attorney. Otherwise, it will cost you a fortune. Interesting that he has just let himself go to pot. The one person one should continue to woo the entire length of the marriage is one's spouse........
2006-07-17 18:39:25 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could do what my ex did she went behind my back and filed for a divorce
2006-07-17 18:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by Neil G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
file papers and get a job! forgot to ask do you look the same as when he married you???
2006-07-17 18:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by SHE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce and get half his assets.
2006-07-17 19:03:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋