I have been separated from my husband since June and after saying he would never file he already is and also trying for full custody. No chance of making it work he has been emotionally and physically(not hitting) abusive before I left and a complete as*h**le since separation. Using the kids emotions and when he can see them to hurt me... completely wrong.
Do you think its right for me to have a guy friend online who supports me and is just there for me but we have never met. I didn't go online looking for someone just met through here "answers" right before I moved out. Is that wrong when technically I am not single yet? I have heard of emotional affairs. Could my husband use that against me. He knows about him. We have feelings for each other but I am worried it could just be lonliness. He just went through a break up too. We probably will never meet in person because he is in England and me USA. It really helps me cope to have his friendship but the feelings are confusing.
2006-07-17 18:18:06 · 14 answers · asked by JustWant2B 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
didn't exactly tell him he was always watching me while on the computer and just sort of found out
2006-07-17 18:30:29 · update #1
Like you said, it is only a friendship and not a relationship so no I dont imagine he could use this against you. While you go through this rollercoaster ride they call divorce try to keep control of your feelings for this other man at bay and concentrate on yourself and your kids. Sure keep the friendship because moral support is what you need right now and if he helps then there is nothing wrong with that.
2006-07-17 18:25:31 · answer #1 · answered by having_a_blonde_day_lol 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Could he use it against you...maybe???But you are not doing anything wrong.HE hurt you(in whatever way),HE's filing to get the kids,HE's trying to do whatever it takes to keep you married.DIVORCE him and get it over with.YOu are NOT doing anything wrong.You are seperated.It's not like you cheated on him and that's why your divorcing.STOP feeling bad for yourself and ashamed for having a male companion to talk to via the internet.IF anyone should feel bad.it's him.For badmouthing you and trying to use the kids as pawns in a game,which it's not.I would say,for your safety,if you have a lawyer,explain this to the lawyer.Then he can give you legal advice.As far as moral,you GO honey.Don't worry about your ex.Take car of you and your kids,and all else will fall into place.as for this guy,take it slow.Emotionally,your not ready and the fact that he has been through a recent break up too,it's sticky.The fact that you live so far apart,will help you get to know him.THEN,once the divorce is through,and if your still commited to talking/seeing what happens,enough time will have passed so that you will know him enough to make that decision..Good luck and stay strong.
2006-07-18 01:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by missyandgordon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You likely will never meet, but it is nice to have someone to talk to. Is it right, sure. Your marriage is over, you know it, your husband knows it, and this man was not the cause of your break up. But it is confusing that you even told your husband about this guy.... weird..... in your place would have shut the hell up..... Get out of this really awful marriage (any guy who uses kids to get back at his soon to be ex wife is as low as they come). Then, get out in the real world. You didn't ask about the rest of this, but get a great photo taken, have your teeth fixed by the best cosmetic dentist in your area, loose weight if you need to, get some great clothes, and put up an ad on Yahoo Personals, Match.com and a few of the other dating sites. (All of this may cost you some buckos to do it right, but no one will ever open the book if the cover is shabby....)
2006-07-18 01:28:28 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whats he going to say to the judge?? nothing that wont make him sound like a complete idiot.. Your honor she's talking to a man that lives in a whole other country ??? the judge would be like YA? AND? SO? how is this affecting the kids? so i wouldnt worry about that.. ur no longer living as husband and wife and even if your friend lived in the same city as u, its your business what you do as long as the children arent affected directly by it.. so dont worry about that..
How did your ex even find out about this guy?? really none of his business..
As far as custody.. he has a right as their father to persue custody, but i wouldnt worry to much about it, if the kids are already in your care.. unless he can prove with out a doubt that your an unfit mother, then 99% of judges will not take them from a stable household and with him having a past of abuse.. his chances are hindered to begin with.. so dont let his idle threats scare you..
Good luck..
2006-07-18 01:27:02 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i dont believe that you having someone you can talk to and confide in is wrong at all. forget about what your (ex) husband thinks about you, now that you've moved out and moved on you have to do what makes you happy. i too went through the same type of bitter divorce from my ex husband; with him using the kids as a means of making me hurt and everything but after i realized that it is me that now has to make me happy, i did it! i filed for divorce and we have joint custody. so just be happy and i say continue to talk to your friend if that's what you need. you never know, the two of you may get the opportunity to meet some day!
2006-07-18 01:41:58 · answer #5 · answered by Luscious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone mentioned, it's only a friendship..it is okay to have friends especially at this time of your life. You are going through alot, your separated from your husband so point being (he isn't around) I don't assume people would want you to rot your life away waiting around for this fool to come around as he has made it apparently clear ...that he wants out. Love shouldn't hurt! You just continue being the best mother that you can be, support your children,discuss their worries and fears,just be open and honest with them. (Well exclude things that they do not need to know ..situations that are occuring between mom & dad esp hurtful ones unless it is viewed by them..hope not) I went through a similar situation, had an online buddy as well (I wasn't looking either) I was going through a horrific time in my life...would you believe this buddy has become my husband of mine for 3 great years...guess where he lived? Continents away (Okay Africa) so yes stranger things have happened. You never know, do what is best for you & your family,take your time...keeping you & your children in my prayers
2006-07-18 02:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by JC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotional affairs are not likely to be used in court. If he does try it, the language would be something along the lines of emotional abandonment. You know your husband, does it sound like he could bring himself to plead that.
You are right to be cautious about a new relationship. Take your time and figure out your and your kids new life. But it is necessary to have friends.
2006-07-18 02:19:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your husband sounds like a real jerk...but no I don't think it is wrong for you to talk to this guy over the internet..You do live in diffrent countries it's not like you are sleeping together...Get a lawyer and fight your husband if he uses the kids and abuses you ..he sure won't get full custody..
2006-07-18 01:32:58 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO IT IS NOT WRONG!!!! I met my now husband on-line..we moved in together and had a child on the way before my divorce was final...(my ex took forever)....if you have someone that will be there for you in your time of need then go for it....maybe things will turn into something better in the long run.....^_^ GOOD LUCK!!
2006-07-18 01:32:39 · answer #9 · answered by brat71825 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always refer to your online buddy as a buddy --- keep it a chat --- because you have no idea who the person really is - people online will say what you want to hear--- I have had so many guys do that to me -but when I had my detective (also my brother) to check them out they were all liars --- I have been online chatting for over 7 years and the only ones who are still there for me are my family members --- all the ones from the online singles places were fakes/liars--- the biggest fake kept his sincere (lies) going for over 2 yrs. until I finally shut him up !
2006-07-18 01:39:58 · answer #10 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋