MY grandfather, Mickey Spillane, passed away this morning, and I wasn't there for him. To make a long story fairly shorter, my grandmother offends everyone and used to make me cry for calling me fat. She instilled guilt on me for hating my junkie mother who has avoided me and my sister. She has shown me the horrible side of people, so I stayed away from her. But that made me stay away from one of the greatest people in my life. And now it's too late to visit him and explain why I've been gone. I feel horrible. I wonder what his thoughts were about me before he died. I wonder if he thought that I abandoned him. It hurts. I don't know what to say. There's many details that might change your answers, but this is the gist of my problem. I'm sad that he passed away, but what really kills me was that I let her get to me. I let her affect me so much, that I didn't go see him. That makes me feel weak. That makes me feel... like a jerk.
2006-07-17 16:28:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Men's Health
You feel. That's important. You have to forgive yourself.
2006-07-17 16:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never read any of your g-pa's novels, but I am sad for your loss. You have remorse and sadness over not going to see him before he died...and that's a good thing, in a way. At least you feel these things and not just the opposite. At least you have a conscience about it where as a lot of people may not have had one. No sense in "crying over spilled milk"...as the old saying goes and it's true. What's done is done but you shouldn't hold a grudge against her for that. It'll just eat away at you. Just let it go and move on with your life. YOU'RE still alive and can do something good with your life. You can pass on what you learned from this experience to someone else who needs to hear your advice one day. Just don't be sour your whole life over this incident...he wouldn't have wanted you to do that. Let it go and you'll make him proud.
2006-07-17 16:44:17 · answer #2 · answered by BRAT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey J, you are not a jerk. Not at all. I'm sorry for your loss, but you could not have acted any other way. You need to stay away from people who hurt you like that.
Besides, I think your grandfather knows how you feel. I do think they stick around here for a while before they go on. I think you can still talk to him, and he will hear you. Tell him everything.
2006-07-17 16:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. People and situations in the past have thought me how to be a cold person, how to run out on someone before getting to close. Bet I've started to realize how much of a meaning less life I've been living cause i wasted so much time trying not to get hurt that i ended up hurting myself because of the way i acted or things I've said. It's hard but you will have to forgive the people in your past, you have to realize your in control of your life and your actions now. No matter how messed up your past relationships made u. Your still in control. The only way to get better is to confront the past , talk to people and let them know how you feel, how the made you felt, and after, just let go of the pain. As far as saying goodbye to your grandfather it's never to late. Maybe it would help to write a letter to him just to get it all out and perhaps read it to your grandmother so she knows how much pain her actions have caused you. Don't back down because she is old, with age comes wisdom and maybe she will be mature enough to talk to you about the past. If not be content in knowing you tried.
2006-07-17 16:43:20 · answer #4 · answered by addicktv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar grandmother (I think) and I can understand what kept you away from her. As far as my grandmother goes I realize it's her insecurities that make her act the way she does. As far as you missing your grandfather, he loved her despite her short comings i can only assume considering he stayed with her, and you as his grandson held a different more special place in his heart or he wouldn't have shown you the "grandpa" side only grandfathers have.
2006-07-17 16:37:59 · answer #5 · answered by crazygreeniis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This wasnt your fault...She was the one that pushed you away from the affection she and your grandfather could have given you...Some people just go through alot in life that they become bitter and don't want to see their family happy...But, i'm sure your grandfather knew the circumstances...Before going to bed pray and tell your grandfather what you want to tell him...Ask him for a sign of some sort through your dreams...And hopefully you dream something for your peace of mind...
2006-07-17 16:34:16 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Snowflake ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi don't fell sorry for your self your grandfather loved you and he would surely understand the reason there is no use crying over the past to make you more satisfied help some poor people like donating food,clothes in his name and i am sure u will not feel sorry at all god bless you dear.
2006-07-17 16:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by mahek 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it, in the nicest way possible. There is no way to go back all you can do is learn from your mistake and move forward. If you loved your grandpa he knows it and doesn't really need you to tell him.
2006-07-17 16:32:05 · answer #8 · answered by wild_orchid_1988 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey we all make mistakes. if he saw things from your point ov view he might have done the same thing. dont feel depressed about it time will heal all things. you are not bein a jerk and i understand what you are going through. be strong.
2006-07-17 16:34:24 · answer #9 · answered by мΛІ€ҢΛр™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am srry 2bout ur grandfather but he iz lookin over u right now in heaven, he kno u srry and he has 4given u, dont feel like a jerk cuz u kno and he kno u srry
2006-07-17 16:32:44 · answer #10 · answered by Alexis J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just make sure you get your share of the publishing rights to his work and get a life of your own.
2006-07-17 16:33:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋