This may sound stupid to some, but this has become a big issue. I am the youngest of 5 kids. My oldest sister is getting married again for the 6th time. She asked my wife & I if she could have the wedding and reception in our back yard. We said yes. Now my brothers and sisters are mad at us. They said we should have said no, because she should not be getting married again. I am not thrilled about her getting married again. But I figure it is her life. Now my family says that If I let her have her wedding here, they are not coming around anymore. They have disowned her and now they will disown me. Should I just tell my sister to fly to Vegas and get married. Or take my chances with the rest of my family?
2006-07-17 16:25:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do what you feel you have to do. If you said yes already, did you say yes because you felt pressured into doing so or because you truly want your sister to be happy? After you answer that question see if you can get your family together to discuss this issue, nothing will be solved if it's a case of everyone giving their opinions but no one really talking. If getting together without bloodshed isn't an option then ask yourself a few more questions: 1) is this an empty threat from your family? 2) if a real threat then do you want to be told what you can and cannot do in your own home and is it worth the battle? 3) Is it possible to let your family know that you can respect their feelings on the matter at the same time as respecting your sister's feelings too? IE: let them know that you will not hold it against them if they do not come to the party, and that you will refuse to "take sides" talking trash about them when that subject comes up with other people at the party or elsewhere, and you will do the same regarding your sister, you will not participate in those types of conversations about either side, you're just there because she's family and you love her regardless of her choices in life and that the same would go for them. Good luck with this issue, I do hope it works out for you, I've seen my share of family and friend feuds and it's not easy to walk that fine line in the middle.
2006-07-17 16:34:51 · answer #1 · answered by metzlaureate 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your sister and find out from her : "Sis, are you serious of this time?, If you are still in doubt whether your going to be husband will be spending the rest of his life with you, or there might be something happened again in your life, I suggest why not have a honeymoon marriage? As long we all families are aware that you are getting married and we all know who is your current hubby?"
If she is too stuborn to listen to your suggestions, then I think you as her sibling should be there for her encouragement (although your parent and other siblings might not turn up) but at least you and your wife will be helping and be around with her. At least she feel better than nothing. About disown issues, not too worry about that coz there are no parent would be disown their children for a minor issues but of course your parent will be angry for a while. Cool down and pay them a visit after 1 week and see their reaction again. I believe your parent only angry with your sis for keep on changing spouse which your parent might feel shameful on her act. But is your sis choice and life, right? God Bless!
2006-07-17 16:47:03 · answer #2 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to support your sister you should. It sounds like the rest of your family are acting like bigots and need to grow up. It's more likely that they will "forgive" you for their sins of turning their back on family than your sister would for changing your mind about the wedding location.
Sure, your sister probably has issues if she's getting married for the 6th time, that's not normal. However, you should deal with that by talking to her, not by cutting her off from the rest of the family.
2006-07-17 16:28:43 · answer #3 · answered by theboz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a talk with your family because that is ridiculous. Your sister is old enough to know what she's doing and I'm sure she can handle herself. She's the one getting married, not the rest of your family. Tell them that you know they mean well but whether they like it or not, your oldest sister is getting married. They can either be mature and try to be happy for her or they can be immature and disown their flesh and blood.
2006-07-17 16:29:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your family about the disowning.
You will need to talk to your sister as well to pay you a nominal token (100 $) just to show it as a business transaction to your family.
YOu can say you have rented the backyard for your sister to use for her wedding and reception. You need not be present for the wedding day thus preventing you from both the situations.
So you are doing both happy.
2006-07-17 16:38:10 · answer #5 · answered by Smile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like the rest of the family are just really upset right now!!!
You are right it is her life and if she wants to get married again then that is her business... if i were in the same situation i would have told my sister yes also.. Let her have her day and you and your wife be there for her... Good Luck!!!
2006-07-17 16:31:06 · answer #6 · answered by DeeDee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family sounds pretty judgemental, and you sound kind. Sure, it's pretty questionable to be getting married for the sixth time, but maybe this is the one! You're right to stand by your sister. The rest of the family is being jerks. I guess they think they're perfect.
2006-07-17 16:29:33 · answer #7 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell my sister what's happening with the rest of the family and if she loves you she will take her wedding elsewhere. I think I would have to tell the rest of my family that you're disappointed that they could remove you from their lives for any reason.
2006-07-17 16:36:12 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
screw your family, they're being jerks! you are doing the right thing to support your sister's search for happiness, and if your family's being so cruel, she needs you very much! if they disown you, it's their loss, but it's most likely an empty threat anyway - oooh, we'll take away your inheritance! like you're more driven by money than love for your family! Good luck!
2006-07-17 16:31:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a simple Family is Family, and we support all of our family. I would do the same for you because I love you. I would rather show my support than regret not participating. I am sorry you feel a need to control me, but I am not doing anything for her that I would not do for any of you. If you choose to punish me by distancing yourself, that is a decision you will have to make and live with . . . I will miss you, but I don't want to regret supporting her any more than I would choose not to support you.
2006-07-17 16:29:34 · answer #10 · answered by whozethere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋