My 13 year old daughter had sex and her father just found about it and is very angry. He has never really been part of their lives but is now trying to be.He wants to take her for a couple weeks and thinks she deserves extreme punishment, what should I do?
2006-07-17 14:51:55 · 72 answers · asked by Lauren 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think you should have a serious talk with her. Extreme punishment meaning what? Is he going to beat her? At 13, what does a girl know about sex? She needs you now more than ever.
2006-07-17 14:54:14 · answer #1 · answered by qtpie 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
At 13 years old you feel like your old enough and capable of making your own decisions (i hope you agree with me on that).....but that's just a feeling, they are kids, there are a lot of right and wrongs they don't/can't fully understand yet because of the hormonal changes happening in their bodies for the first time in their bodies. They get impulsive and headstrong. Being sexually active should not be taken lightly there is always the chance for pregnancy and STD'S it doesn't matter how clean you THINK anyone is. Besides that letting it go that far at so young will warp the experience. She can't hold a job yet, drive a car.....what i mean is the pang of having to hold up real responsibilities hasn't hit her. I don't think a heavy punishment like horribly long grounding or berating her verbally or physically will change anything about how she's see the situation right now especially from someone that's not a constant part of her life. i think really talking and communicating with her is the best thing to do. I think a message like that from both sides would be best
2006-07-17 15:10:19 · answer #2 · answered by lightingbug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what kind of extreme punishment he is talking about. I had sex for the first time when I was 13 and I'm telling you, if she is going to have sex, it's gonna be real hard to stop her. Take my advise and do not act like it is a royal sin that she had sex. My parents did that to me and to this day sex still feels dirty and I feel ashamed every time I do and I am 26 and a mother of 3 now. Please have a long serious talk with her and tell her why she should not be having sex. Also put her on the birth control shot. Tell her it is an allergy shot if you have to but you don't want her getting pregnant. Good luck and keep an eye on her.
2006-07-17 14:56:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well 13 and having sex I would suggest first u step up n be the mom that u should n stop her little butt before u have a grandchild.get control of her now.she does deserve 2 be punished n if u cannot do it then by all means maybe letting dad step up is a good ideal. just because he has not been there does not mean he should not be there now.u really need 2 get control of her before all the other drama starts n hunny u have a lot more drama coming up with her than u can imagine.good luck n stay strong ur the parent not her.
2006-07-17 14:56:30 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel this would be the wrong course of action. It would be trying to put out a fire that just burnt down your house. What's to save, the house burnt down. Well mom, I would say you really need to have a talk with your daughter. Tell her the truth about sex and maybe go to Half Way with young pregnant teens have gone to have their child because there isn't a strong family unit. Maybe this might scare her a little and maybe think first.
Since she has tasted the apple I would start her on the pill and discuss condoms. Oh yea, let her know boys at her age will say they love her or if you love me,you will do this. Boys will be boys. Also being on the pill doesn't give her a license to screw. Good Luck!!!
2006-07-17 15:01:58 · answer #5 · answered by Tanker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should let her father try to discipline her she needs the discipline that you are not providing at the moment. If she's going off having sex at 13 years old, she is in desperate need of more boundaries. Teens love punishment :) it shows you care. So I'm sure she'll be happy a little inside about the fact that her father cares enough to want to discipline her.
13 is way too young to have sex.. ( in response to girl above) why do you think it's classified as rape of a child if you have intercourse with someone so young. They ARE children.
2006-07-17 14:57:10 · answer #6 · answered by fuhreezing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your daughter is acting out. You have to sit down and talk to her about what happened. You are probably taking the role of her friend an not her parent. Sit her down in a non-judgmental conversation and tell her the reasons why she should wait. Reasons she can relate to: everyone at school will find out, there are many diseases out there, boys will use her just for sex.
As for the dad, do not let him get involved if he was not involved before. She will not respond to his punishment, nor understand why he is doing it. His involvement may make her act out more.
You may want to consider getting your daughter involved in a extracurricular activity(sport, singing lesson, etc..) This will give her positive reinforcement for something else rather than sex.
2006-07-17 15:04:44 · answer #7 · answered by ecogrl23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question is what did U do to ur daughter when u found out she was having sex? did u punish her? did u discipline her? or did u act as if it is okay for to be sexual active? her father has the right to be angry. whether he has been active in her life or not, he's still her father. he is concerned about the road she is starting out on. let him take her for a few weeks. this might do her good to have him in her life. this is coming from a 25 year old single mother who started having sex at thirteen. think about it.
2006-07-17 14:57:37 · answer #8 · answered by the_kid_doesnt_care 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about the age of the boy? And what are his parents going to do about it? Extreme punishment wont stop it, when it should have been more extreme parenting. You cant put all the blame on her for what happend but, you can only try to prevent it from happening again. Instead of punishing, why not try listening, understanding, & advising? Birth controll an option yet?
2006-07-17 15:02:30 · answer #9 · answered by jack_black_91 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
extreme punishment will only en-rage the rebellious pre-teen, let him know that. Thats a big problem you have but punishment like hiting will just drive her farther away, and telling her she is not allowed to see that guy again, and she will lie to you. Try to handel the father and the situation in a clam manner, think of all your options clearly. Because this could mean the differences between raising a decent young lady or a hell raiser.... Be cautious what you say in front of the father too, he sounds like a hot head.
2006-07-17 15:00:50 · answer #10 · answered by Late-Nite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 14 when I 1st had sex and my parents punished me for 6 months until I received a neg aids test . I thought it was ridiculous and I still think it did nothing for me (the punishment) I didn't have sex again after that 1st time until I was 18 but it was not because of the punishment . My real father never was real involved either it was my step father who grounded me .
2006-07-17 15:00:37 · answer #11 · answered by alyhs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋